


Looking for Beverly [discontinued]

by killerkanato



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King, Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Bullying, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Derry (Stephen King), F/M, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Stanley Uris, Gay Will Byers, Hawkins (Stranger Things), Homophobic Language, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Original Character(s), Originally Posted Elsewhere, Other, Past Child Abuse, Pre-IT Chapter Two (2019), Running Away, Slurs, Stranger Things 2, Triggers, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-01-17 11:56:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 54,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21267107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerkanato/pseuds/killerkanato
Summary: "You left someone behind, didn't you?""People, yeah. I left people behind."Bev moved away from Derry as planned. But what if she had moved just a little further away? What if she ended up in a small town located in Indiana?What if she meets a new group of losers?-Beverly moves to Hawkins, Indiana and quickly befriends the Party. It's not long until she realizes her feelings for Dustin, despite her lingering attachment to Bill. Meanwhile, in Derry, the Losers decide to run away together for various reasons and find Bev along the way. Basically, Bill is in for a rude awakening.
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Beverly Marsh, Dustin Henderson/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler, Maxine "Max" Mayfield/Lucas Sinclair, Will Byers/Mike Wheeler, Will Byers/Stanley Uris
Comments: 13
Kudos: 42





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Skeeter_110](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skeeter_110/gifts).

** _ Introduction _ **

_ characters _   
_in order of appearance_   
_none of these quotes are mine_   
_but I may use them in chapters_   
_credit to owners_   
  


**_Beverly Marsh_**⋆**_15_**

_➥"I have to admit I'm doing fine, but I have nights when I miss you so much I can barely breathe."_

︾

**_Gwen Marsh_**⋆**_42_**

_➥"Ok I know I have a resting bitch face, but I swear I'm actually really nice."_

︾

**_Stanley Uris_**⋆**_14_**

_➥"He looked at me and it hurts. It hurts so much."_

︾

**_Max Mayfield_**⋆**_15_**

_➥"There is peaceful. There is wild. I am both at the same time."_

︾

**_Will Byers_**⋆**_14_**

_➥"I miss what we never were."_

︾

**_Dustin Henderson_**⋆**_14_**

_➥"You're the sweetest symphony of hope."_

_︾_

**_Mike Wheeler_**⋆**_15_**

_➥"I cant remember what it was like before you, and I don't even know how we got here, but maybe that's exactly what I needed."_

︾

**_Lucas Sinclair_**⋆**_15_**

_➥"Worlds change when eyes meet."_

︾

**_Ben Hanscom_**⋆**_14_**

_➥"Last night I knew what to say, but you weren't there to hear it."_

︾

**_Mike Hanlon_**⋆**_15_**

_➥"Life is to be lived, not controlled."_

︾

**_Eddie Kaspbrak_**⋆**_14_**

_➥"I'm not who I was one year ago and maybe, just this once, change is good."_

︾

**_Richie Tozier_**⋆**_15_**

_➥"I'm too young for this shit."_

︾

**_Bill Denbrough_**⋆**_15_**

_➥"I wish you knew what you mean to me, and how your name plays in my head like a song on repeat when I try to sleep at night."_

︾

**_Jane/El Hopper_**⋆**_14_**

_➥"I think about you a lot. All the time, actually. In the morning, at night, in the middle of my day. It's you. It's just always you."_

︾

**_Skeeter_** ⋆**_18_**  
**_Sunny_** ⋆**_18_**

_➥"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it."_

_—_

** _ Disclaimer _ **  
_This story is _ ** _very_ ** _ unrealistic!_  
_Realism is usually my number one priority when writing a story, but this storyline could not be carried out with realism._  
_This story is going to be very comical(at times) and there's going to be many adventures and angst going on, so I hope that makes up for the lack of realism._  
_All I ask is that you do not read my story and comment "That's unrealistic !1!2!!"_  
_I am writing this disclaimer _ ** _for a reason_ ** _!!_  
** _If you don't like unrealistic storylines_ ** _, don't read this!!_  
_This is your one and _ ** _ only _ ** _ warning._  
_I will not hesitate to delete comments._  
_Thank you_

**_Disclaimer•2_**  
_This__story takes place _**_after_**_ IT: Chapter One and _**_after_**_ Stranger Things 2._  
_Any content from IT: Chapter Two and the following seasons of Stranger Things should be _**_ignored_**_._  
_Thank_  
-_Apple_

**Disclaimer•3**   
_This story was originally posted on Wattpad by me._   
_My username is killerkanato_   
_I did not steal this, please don't accuse me of it._   
_Thank you._

** _ Warnings&Ships _ **  
** _Warning_ ** _! This story contains: running away, mentions of child abuse, mentions of alcohol abuse, smoking, breaking many laws, homophobic/racial slurs, general bullying/name calling, self esteem issues, talk of eating/weight problems, _ ** _etc_ ** _._  
_(warnings will be added as needed,_  
_I recommend checking back here every once in a while.)_

  
** _Ships this story contains_ ** _:_  
_Canon_  
↧  
_Beverly _**_x_**_ Dustin_  
_Richie _**_x_**_ Eddie_  
_Mike _**_x_**_ Eleven_  
_Lucas _**_x_**_ Max_  
_Sunny_**_x_**_Skeeter_

  
_One-sided_  
↧  
_Stan _**_x_**_ Richie_  
_Will _**_x_**_ Mike_

** _Playlist_ **

**1»Wolves | Selena Gomez**   
**2»Hard Times | Paramore**   
**3»Count On Me | Bruno Mars**

4»Light the Sky | Grace Vanderwaal   
** _Richie and Eddie_ **

5»My Same | Adele  
** _Max and Bev_ **  
6 »Hoodie | Hey Violet  
** _Bev, about Bill_ **

7»Hate To See Your Heart Break | Paramore   
** _Bill to Stan(Platonically !)_ **

8»Keep On Loving You | REO Speedwagon   
** _Dustin and Bev_ **

  
  
©killerkanato 2019


	2. 0»Beverly Escapes

** _ Beverly _ **   
** _ Tuesday, August 27 _ **

"But Aunt Gwen, I thought you lived close to Derry. I thought I'd be able to visit," I argued as the woman piled my stuff into her car. I frowned while looking out the window and back at my apartment. My eyes scanned around the neighborhood, afraid this is the last time I'll be seeing it. Of course I won't miss Derry, this place is fucked, but I'll miss the Losers. They're all I have, they're all I've ever had. My aunt is ripping me away from them?

"I did live close to Derry, sweetie, but I can't live there anymore. You have to understand." Her words were gentle but her tone was frantic as I looked back at her. "And please get your feet off my dashboard." I slowly slid my new, yellow Converse down onto the floor(they were a gift from her, she gave them to me when she first got here). She wants to leave and the shitty part is that I have no say. I have to leave my friends, my _family_, and I can't argue. I just have to stare ahead in silence while another family member ruins my life.

"Yeah, ok. I understand." I nodded, fiddling with my white shirt for a second before turning back around in my seat to face forward. I sat and waited, staring at my feet and thinking. Thinking, for the hundredth time, about if I'd finished everything I had to do.

I said my goodbyes. I said goodbye to Richie and Eddie at the same time, then I went to Mike's so I could say goodbye to him. Stan was walking down the street when I just so happened to run into him, so I said goodbye to him. I said goodbye to Bill. I kissed him again, it was actually pretty damn amazing. I didn't know it could be like that. I've kissed him three times and it's often that I want to again. I didn't know I would ever feel like this about a boy, especially not so soon after meeting him, considering everything that's happened to me. _'I guess all it took was someone my age.'_ I thought, even my thoughts hold a bitter tone lately.

I said goodbye to Ben last. He came and found me as I was about to go and find him. He looked so sad, and I obviously didn't want that. Ben is one of my best friends, and I couldn't stand it. I said goodbye with a kiss on the cheek, which made him smile. But he still looked rather down, so I told him I'd be back. Why did I do that? I now know I won't be back, and I don't want him waiting for me. I know he will, it's Ben. I see how he looks at me.

"You space out a lot, don't you, Beverly?" My aunt's voice trickled into my ears, once again entering my brain. I like to block people out without realizing it, as I just did to her. She'll get used to it, though, everyone does.

"I do, yes. Were you saying something?" I asked, trying to be polite but probably failing. She smiled anyway, obviously trying to understand what I'm going through. She won't, she shouldn't try.

"There's a boy here that says he wants to say goodbye." She nodded while talking, almost as if to say 'hurry up', and my eyebrows furrowed. Who could possibly be here? Who knows I'm still here? I said I was leaving early this morning, but my aunt never wakes up on time, which is incredibly frustrating.

I got out of the car slowly, closing my door and walking around the side of the building, immediately spotting a familiar face.

"Stan? What're you doing here?" I questioned kind of quietly, the smile evident in my voice. He turned to look at me, giving me a small, barely there smile. He looked almost nervous, but I ignored it. Probably not the time to bring it up.

"I was just walking and saw that you were still here. Thought I'd say bye. Ben said you're coming back?" His tone held question, and I sighed deeply at that. I walked over and leaned against the wall next to him, looking up at the sky.

"I'm not. I told him that because I thought I was, but turns out I'm not. My aunt is moving me pretty far away, apparently. A few states, at least," I spoke quickly, just wanting to get it out and move on. No point in dwelling over it. I could see out of the corner of my eye that his eyebrows were raised slightly, but he only nodded.

"Any idea where you're going?" Was his simple question, and I smiled involuntarily. Stan is so simple. He either doesn't talk at all or he keeps it simple. The only time he talks a lot is when he's trying to help you with something or he's panicking, which is understandable. I love it, I love him. I'll miss Stan.

"Somewhere in Indiana. She told me where but I just don't have the energy to remember. It's gonna suck being so far away," I mumbled a bit, staring at the sky with greater interest. Maybe if I look long enough, I'll finally see what all those wackos see, and God will help me. Although, I know that won't happen, because I just called religious people 'wackos.' Probably won't sit well with the big man in the sky, but hey, worth a shot.

"Yeah, that will suck. Maybe you can call us?" He suggested, but he didn't sound hopeful. I shrugged, sighing deeply.

"I'll try, but my aunt is kind of territorial over her stuff. Maybe I'll find money and buy a phone or something, I don't know." I shook my head, then looked over at him. He was already looking at me, which made me give him a questioning look.

"Things won't be the same here without you, Bev. I hope you know that," He randomly assured me, which was weird but nice. New for Stan, I could sense it in the way he spoke. He rarely gets sentimental.

"I do, I know." I nodded, agreeing even though I wasn't sure how to feel about the situation. Of course things won't be the same, but that could mean so many things. Things could change for the better, I highly doubt they'll change in a bad way. I've only been friends with them for a few months, I don't see why me leaving would be a fully bad thing. They'll be a group of guys again, won't that be fun?

"As long as you don't forget us, we won't forget about you. We'll always be here if you need to come back, ok? I have a strange feeling some of us would secretly house you if that's what it took." He laughed at the last part, and I tried to, but I couldn't make myself laugh. His words meant too much to me, I couldn't make a joke about them. "Point is, Bev, come back if you need to. We're your family, you know that."

I was holding in tears. I had been keeping up this tough-girl attitude around the guys, wanting to keep up with them. Of course I'm not all tough, of course I cry and get scared. Of course I have about fifty emotions a second, but I'd never admit that to them. I know how to hold my own, of course, but I'm still human and still a fifteen-year-old girl. Life isn't always sunshine and daisies for everyone, I just usually happen to take it worse than the guys. But, again, I'd never tell them that. 

"I do know, Stan, thank you." I nodded with a big smile, my eyes watering up but only slightly. He smiled back, reaching over to rub my arm lightly, which was new once again. Sometimes Stan surprises me. He'll show you affection a lot more than you'd think, but only when he's sure he's personally safe. If no one else is around, he'll comfort you physically, even if it's subtle. He's a lot more caring than he puts off, which confuses me, but I guess I understand why he holds back.

"Your aunt looks ready to go. See you around, Beverly." He smiled again, slowly backing away from me. I laughed lightly, doing the same.

"See ya, Stanley," I spoke in an endearing tone of voice, giving him a bit of a sly smile before turning around and heading back to my aunt's car. My good mood quickly dissipated, but I ignored that for Aunt Gwen's sake. She's unhappy enough with having to basically adopt me, I won't add on the stress of me being depressed, even if I'm not actually depressed, even if I'm not actually depressed. Something tells me she isn't the most stable woman on the planet, but that seems to be a given in my father's family.

I climbed into the car, situating myself and slipping the seat belt on, then proceeding to stare out the window at the sky. My aunt got in the car and told me to say goodbye, which I nearly laughed at. In my head, I gave a "fuck you" to my apartment. As we drove, I gave the deserving goodbye to each place. The Quarry got a nice goodbye. The Barrens got a semi-nice goodbye, but an underlying "fuck you." The school also earned a "fuck you," and Bill's house earned a sad goodbye, being the only Loser's house we drove past. I have to admit that I'll miss this place, no matter how fucked up it is.

I stared out the window at the sky most of the ride. Once we exited Derry, it was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt...free. Almost like I had finally escaped whatever horrors come with the town. It was nice.

I stared and I stared until I fell asleep. I slept the rest of the ride to the airport, and I dreamt of my friends, happy that I could at least see them in my subconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!  
I hope everyone enjoyed the first chapter.  
There's lots to come!  
-Apple


	3. 1»Beverly Meets Her Same

** _ Beverly _ **  
** _ Wednesday, August 28 _ **

I know they say the grass is greener on the other side but _shit_. Have they seen the grass in Indiana? The stuff looks so fake, I wouldn't be surprised if it actually is. Maybe I just got a good part of the state, but it's truly gorgeous. I've been here less than twenty-four hours and I've already seen a quarry while driving through town. It's so similar to mine back home that I had to look twice and pinch myself. I think this will be slightly less miserable than I originally anticipated.

We got here late last night, I got little sleep, and my aunt is making me go straight into school, but I can't even complain. It's weird how simply leaving Derry's border made me feel so optimistic. I was ready to move to Indiana and be miserable for the rest of my teenage life, but it's going in the opposite direction. Is that even possible?

I'm not sure how Aunt Gwen did it. I guess she called ahead and registered me into the local high school or something, I don't know. All I do know is that it's six in the morning and I'm already getting ready for my first day of school. I can't push the smile off my face, either, and it's times like these when I understand what Bill always talked about. I tend to be happy in a bad situation, which worried him, but I can't help it. I look for the positives, something I've always had to do. Without my extreme optimism, I would've died in that apartment back home. It's a survival tactic at this point.

After thinking about Bill, my smile isn't as big. I miss Bill already. I miss everyone, even Richie, who really knew how to piss me off. Life is empty and quiet without his crude humor, which is something I thought I'd never miss. It's just weird how much has changed in such a short period of time, less than a day. It's hard to wrap my head around.

"Beverly, it's time to go!" Aunt Gwen called from the kitchen, making me jump slightly. I looked in the mirror one last time, adjusting my dress, fixing my hair. I looked the same as always, of course, but I at least have to try. A little effort on my first day is probably a good idea.

I grabbed my bag then hurried out into the kitchen, giving a subtle smile to my aunt before leading the way out of the house. She followed behind, which I didn't like, but I also didn't object to. It brings me bad memories, of course, but I pushed them away. I won't let that stupid fucking clown ruin one more second of my time. This is a fresh start with no more monsters or demons. A fresh start to have a normal life, with normal school days and normal friends.

The ride to the school was short. I intend to walk every day, my aunt is just driving me today so I can learn the way. She also has to come in and confirm it's me, of course, but that's not as important to me. I just need to know how to get there and back, obviously. I don't care about signing in, it's stupid, in my opinion. No duh I'm the real Beverly Marsh, who else would I be?

The school was smaller here. The school back in Derry was decently big, which was intimidating, so this was nice. I'm a fan of smaller places, which was just another plus side to this. Why is this town so _perfect_? There must be something wrong, something to make me miss Derry. What if I never miss Derry and I forget it completely? I hate to admit it, but that would be amazing. I may just try to forget, it would make the rest of my life so much better. Definitely less painful.

People are immediately staring. I knew they would, I thought I was prepared for it, but I don't think you can prepare for something like silent, faraway judgement. The only thing I'm able to do is ignore it, considering all the practice I had back in Derry. Ignoring the stares is all you can do, really, and I was a master at it by now.

Once inside, my aunt signed me in, and the principal began to show us around. Most of the kids were still outside, but not all of them, which made things awkward. Everyone inside also stared at me, except I noticed it more this time. The only person to smile at me was another redhead. She smiled very subtly at me as she passed me in the hall, a skateboard resting against her right hip. I smiled back before she disappeared out a set of doors, heading towards the back of the building. I looked back in time to see her meet up with a group of boys, but I had to look forward again before I ran into someone.

Once I was shown around, they lead me to my locker as the school filled up even more. I said goodbye to my aunt and watched her walk off before turning back to the locker in front of me. I took in a deep breath, slowly opening the metal, lightweight door and putting my bag inside. When I closed the locker and turned to walk away, I nearly ran straight into the familiar redhead from before. I had a heart attack, but she only smiled, not moving an inch.

"Hey, you're new here. It's awesome seeing another ginger around! Maybe my friends will stop teasing me now." She seemed somewhat annoyed by her last sentence, rolling her eyes dramatically. She then perked back up, giving me slight whiplash from the rapid change of emotions. "Your name is Beverly, no?"

"Uh, yeah. Beverly Marsh, how did you know that?" I laughed a bit, my eyebrows furrowing at the girl. She shrugged, glancing around the hallway, as if trying to spot someone.

"I heard your mom say it when I walked past you guys, I just figured it was your name." She still didn't look at me, but I shook my head anyway, a force of habit.

"Oh, that was my aunt, not my mom. But I guess that makes sense. What's your name, then?" I asked before we could talk more about me. She finally turned to face me, starting to back away.

"I gotta go! See ya 'round, Beverly." She smirked a bit, turning around and hurrying down the hall, in the direction of two guys. I wanted to follow and ask for her name again, but I decided not to, seeing as that would be insanely creepy. I don't want to be creepy, that's the worst first impression I could possibly give, especially to a potential future friend. Then again, considering how the three of them laughed while walking off, I had little hope.

So, I left and went to my first class. The classes were relatively simple, the day felt short, which I enjoyed a lot. Another small secret about me is that I'm decent in school. I don't get straight A's, but mostly A's and B's. I'm proud of myself, if I'm being honest, but I don't like to flaunt it around. I used to keep it in to spare myself from Richie's competition, but now I'm just hiding it to ensure I don't sound conceited. Richie is probably the smartest kid in our group, and he knows it. He likes to boast about it whenever challenged, so I kept quiet. I could tell he only boasted because he wanted the attention, and that actually saddened me. But, again, I avoided as much emotion as possible around them.

Homework was even easier that night. Homework was the only thing I struggled with back in Derry, but that's mostly because of my father. I was never home, if I could help it, so I didn't have much time to do it. That's the only reason I got B's, usually. Here, homework is like a dream so far. It's so simple and straight forward, I had it done in a very short amount of time. For the rest of the night, I explored my new town.

There wasn't much to see. I found a pretty awesome junkyard, but that's about it. The arcade looked cool, but I don't think it's a place for strangers. It looks like a place people go when they're with friends. Maybe I should wait until I have friends, or maybe I'm being foolish. Either way, I'll avoid it for now.

Before I knew it, it was getting dark, and I still had to find my way home. It didn't take as long as I thought it would, considering how small the town is. And once I was finally home, there was dinner left for me. My aunt had apparently gone out to find a job, but she left me some food. I smiled involuntarily, happy that she somewhat cares. I'm mostly just happy that she's acknowledging my presence in a healthy way, if I'm being honest. It's something I've never felt before, not since I was little and didn't understand my father's behavior.

I ate and watched some boring TV show-that I didn't even bother to check the name of-until about nine o'clock. I got up and washed my plate before going to my designated room, changing into my pajamas and exhaling deeply. My hands randomly started to itch, making me look down at them. I realized it was my scabs, or slowly forming scars, from when us Losers made the blood oath. It gave me a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I remember that day as if it was yesterday, and it just made me sad. Not only was I still with my friends, but I was with Bill. I _kissed_ Bill, I had my second and third kisses, and they were ten times better than my first. I miss my friends a lot and it's hitting me most in this moment.

Once I finished getting ready for bed in the bathroom, I went back to my room and laid down. I stared at the ceiling of my new room, thinking back to my summer. Of course it sucked getting hunted by a killer clown, but it was also what brought me to the Losers. I made the best group of friends I could've asked for, no matter how insane they all are. We're all misfits and we all belong together, I don't see how I could possibly find that again. That redhead at school seemed cool, yeah, but she probably just talked to me on a dare. Why would she approach the weird new girl? Better yet, why would she approach me then leave as if one of those guys called her away? It must've been a dare, which only makes me feel worse about being here.

I miss my friends. It didn't hit me until now just how much I miss them, but it's _a lot_. And for the first time in a long while, I felt the need to cry. I haven't had a full on cry since the blood episode in my bathroom, but I can feel one coming on right now. My eyes are watering up and I can feel my face contorting. I hate feeling so weak, I hate showing vulnerability, but I can't help it in this instance. The only reason I give in is because I'm in my bedroom, alone.

I cried. I cried quite hard and for quite a long time, it seemed like. I thought about my friends, about Bill, and I cried. I can't decide what I cried hardest over, but I can imagine it was Bill. Bill and I never discussed what we were, but I always considered him to be more than just a friend. We've kissed three times, technically, so I don't think I can call that friendship anymore, even if I wanted to(which I one-hundred percent _don't_). Even if we hadn't kissed, I still wouldn't consider him to be only a friend. I've had a crush on him from the moment I met him, basically, so he was always more to me. Now he's gone, possibly for forever, and I can't call him anything. I can't consider him to be anything, and I can't bring myself to accept that. It only made me cry more, it only made my heart ache so much more.

I cried until I couldn't anymore, I cried until I was gasping for breath. I remembered my friends and my memories until I fell asleep, dreading the next morning. A morning without _them_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is boring  
but it's chill dw it gets better !  
Kinda...
> 
> Anyway, my favorite character(Max) has entered the chat!  
I hope you all enjoyed  
-Apple


	4. 2»Will Takes the First Step

** _ Will _ **  
** _ Thursday, August 29 _ **

"Guys, you need to leave the poor girl alone. She looks terrified!" I yelled at Dustin and Mike, who were staring at the new girl, Beverly. Max had already freaked her out yesterday, I feel bad for her. Staring at her from afar isn't the way to go about befriending her, I just don't understand why they don't get that. It didn't work with Max, why would it work with her?

"I wonder why her hair is so short. You think her aunt is crazy or something?" Dustin asked us, making Mike and I roll our eyes simultaneously. 

"Yeah, Dustin, I bet her crazy aunt made her cut her hair. That totally makes sense," Mike replied in a sarcastic tone, making Dustin scoff to himself.

"I'm only theorizing. You have a better guess?" He challenged, looking over at us. Mike was about to speak up(with a witty comeback, no doubt), but I beat him to it.

"I have a better idea, Dustin, why don't we just ask her?" I suggested, making both of them get wide eyes. They looked at me like I was insane, which only made me roll my eyes again. I grabbed my backpack straps and started to walk in the direction of her. "Ok, I'll do it myself."

"Will, are you insane? Get back here!" Mike called after me, but I only pressed on, approaching Beverly with a small smile. She looked up at me and tried to smile back, but looked to hesitate slightly, which was understandable.

"Hey, my friend over there is nosy as all get out. He wants to know why your hair is so short. Please answer before he comes up with another theory, they're _awful__,_" the end of my sentence had a whiny tone to it, making her smile grow a little wider.

"Well, tell your friend that I cut it because I like it short. Also, tell him that most girls don't take kindly to stalkers. It creeps us out a bit," she whispered to me as if it were some big secret, then laughed lightly. I laughed with her, nodding firmly. "And hey, be sure to remind him that hats aren't allowed at school."

"I definitely will." I laughed again, backing away slowly before turning around and walking back to my friends. Just as I approached, so did Max and Lucas, Max on her skateboard, as usual. Lucas had wide eyes, obviously indicating that he saw the whole thing.

"Were you just talking to Beverly?" He rushed out as Max rode in circles around our group, laughing lightly to herself.

"Didn't know you had it in you, Byers!" She cheered, patting me on the back as she rode past. I felt my ears get a bit hot, but I ignored her, looking at Dustin.

"She said she has short hair because she likes it that way. She also wanted me to tell you that most girls don't like being stalked, they find it creepy." I laughed a bit whilst recalling that remark while Dustin just looked shocked. "Then she said to remind you that hats aren't allowed in school."

Dustin's eyes were wide in shock, Max and Lucas were laughing, and Mike also looked shocked. I laughed along with Max and Lucas, shrugging my shoulders at a surprised Dustin.

"She's already amazing, I need to befriend her," Max commented, hopping down off her skateboard and using her foot to flip it up and into her hand. She tucked it under her right arm and spun around, heading straight for Beverly. I followed in a rush, definitely on the same note as Max. I didn't think Beverly would be this cool, but she's proved me wrong with just a few sentences. She'd fit right in with us, I'm sure of that.

"Hey, Beverly, what's up?" Max asked nonchalantly as she walked to the picnic table and plopped down right next to Beverly.

"Not much, Mystery Girl, you?" She laughed lightly, which also made me laugh. I sat down across from her, causing her to turn and smile at me. I smiled back, happy that she was accepting us and not asking us to go away or something. I hope we don't overwhelm her.

"Oh, right, never told you my name. It's Max," Max informed while moving her skateboard to sit on the table. Beverly nodded, examining the board, which still had duct tape wrapped around the middle.

"Nice name, Max. Call me Bev, I've never been too fond of Beverly." She shrugged lightly, fiddling with the napkin she was holding, then quickly turning back to me. "What's your name?"

"Will," I stated simply, causing her to smile and nod. She was about to speak again when she looked behind me, cutting herself off.

"Who do we have here?" Her tone was teasing as Mike, Dustin, and Lucas all approached the table. Dustin and Lucas plopped down next to me, but Mike headed straight for me. He leaned down next to me, close to my ear.

"Can we talk for a second? It's important," he insisted, then stood back up and stepped back a bit. I glanced at Bev one last time before standing up and following Mike away from the table. Once he stopped walking, I raised my eyebrows at him, having to look up slightly in order to look him in the eyes. "This isn't a good idea."

"You said the same thing about Max," was my immediate answer, making his eyes widen. 

"Yeah, and I still stand by that! If she hadn't witnessed everything that happened, I would still fight against her. She's cool, yeah, but she still isn't a part of my group. And there's no way I'm adding anotherperson into the Party. She'll figure everything out!" He babbled on and on, and I raised my eyebrows. I wanted to say '_your_ group?', but I decided against it.

"Mike, come on. I get your hesitancy with all this, but why can't you just make some new friends? How could Bev even figure out anything?" I asked as if the answer were obvious, and he rolled his eyes.

"Oh great, you're already on a nickname basis," he mumbled, but continued talking before I could say anything to him about it. "She'll find out about El eventually, and how do you explain that? A girl that not only is still learning basic English, but a girl that can move things with her mind! You can't hide that!" He was getting heated now, and I had to shush him so no one heard him. El is still a secret until next school year, so he needs to keep quiet.

"Mike, shut up! Someone will hear you," I scolded, making him huff, but he calmed down. "She won't find out about El, El isn't even physically with us. She stays in a cabin in the middle of the woods, how could Bev find out? Mike, I understood your random disliking towards Max, but Bev is a different case. El is here, she's back, it's not like anyone is trying to take her place. You need to get over it and just accept that Max is a part of the group, and now Bev may join. No one really cares if you want it or not, it's happening. Just accept it, ok?"

I didn't mean to sound rude, but why can't he just get over it? We're allowed to make friends with other people, we don't have to stick to a set group. And neither of them are trying to "steal" him away from El, so he needs to let that notion go. He just needs to move on from the past and get on with his life. And I know that's easier said than done, but it's possible if he'd just try. He's not trying, he never has. I can tell a part of him thinks Max is awesome, I just wish he'd let that part go free. I also know he'd like Bev if he'd just give her a chance.

"Ok, you're right," Mike mumbled, almost too quiet for me to hear. I did hear, though, and it left me shocked. Did Mike Wheeler just admit that _he's wrong_? That's rare. "You're right, I'm just paranoid. If I'm being honest, I kinda like Max, she's cool. I'm sure Beverly is cool, too, I don't know why I'm so defensive. It just makes me nervous." He shrugged lightly, swinging his leg back and forth, causing his shoe to scrape against the asphalt. I sighed deeply, reaching up and putting my hand down on his shoulder to stop him from moving. It sent a spark down my arm, but I swallowed and ignored it.

"Hey, it's fine, I'm just glad you're fixing it now. Bev won't harm us in any way, I'm sure of it." I nodded, causing him to nod back. I then smiled at him, hoping to assure him that it's ok now. It seemed to work as he smiled back. It made me sigh in relief, happy that our tense moment was over. I hate arguing with him, he's my best friend and person to lean on, he always has been.

I turned as if to head back to the table, and he did that same. I kept an eye on him as he examined the table, and I caught his eyebrows furrowing lightly. I saw as his eyes darkened, and I sighed. Nothing has changed, he just said all that to get me to shut up. Great.

When we got back to the table, everyone was laughing and having a nice time. It made me happy once more, considering how cool Bev seems to be. If we're lucky, she'll want to join the Party. And if Mike makes a fuss, we'll ignore him.

"I can't believe you've never heard of Dungeons and Dragons. It's only the best game to ever exist," Dustin explained in an over exaggerated way, making us all laugh. Dustin is probably the most obsessed out of all us when it comes to D and D, although Mike does give him a run for his money.

"He's not wrong, it's truly amazing." I nodded, sitting back down in my regular spot. Mike walked around the table, sitting down next to Max. I noticed the small smile she gave, and how he ignored it. But he looked around Max and have Bev a small smile, which I guess is better than nothing.

"Try best game that will ever exist. Nothing could possibly top it." He smiled as everyone turned to look at him. Bev glanced around Max and smiled the widest out of everyone.

"Well, you're gonna have to tell me more about this game," she had a challenging tone to her voice, making a few of us create a chorus of 'ooo's. Mike raised his eyebrows, briefly contemplating something, then sticking his hand out at her. Max leaned back to give him room, and she caught my eye. We both have each other a look, and we both knew what it meant.

"You're on," he states simply, the rest of us turning to look at Bev with expectant eyes, including Max. Bev looked to contemplate it, her lips scrunching to the side in thought. She looked around at everyone, the sun making her blue eyes shine bright with something mischievous. She then smiled wide, her hand extending and smacking down into his roughly, shaking it firmly.

I think she just joined the Party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will is such a smol bean who just wants peace and happiness what an angel  
He's also lowkey whipped for Mike but in denial, as always.  
Mike is gonna cause issues what a cOCK  
...  
I'm sorry😂


	5. 3»Ben Thinks too Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's lots of repetition in this chapter, sorry if that bothers you. I put it in to present how his anxiety works, and how he truly thinks himself into insanity.

** _ Ben _ **  
** _ Saturday, August 31 _ **

For as long as I can remember, I've been fat. It's no secret to me, I know exactly how I look. I have mirrors, don't I?

My mother seems to think different. She sees my weight and takes it in a completely different direction; she wants to feed me more. She thinks that the bigger I am, the more I need to eat. I think she's crazy.

Ever since I became friends with the Losers, things didn't get better. They just got more bearable, all things considered. I still ate a lot, of course. I still got picked on by people at school, which was the shitty part. Every time I got called any sort of name, I was reminded of Henry Bowers and his group.

Henry Bowers is dead, right? There's no way he lived through falling straight down a well. I can't imagine that being possible, but I'm scared it _is_ possible. Every logical sign points to the complete impossibility of it, but after everything that's happened, is there such thing as "impossible"?

I made friends with six awesome people for the soul fact that Henry bullied us all. I then proceeded to stand with them and fight a demonic child-eating clown. That's not something you hear every day, so it begs the question: Do we have a right to use the word "impossible" anymore?

Depends on who you ask. Most people would say no matter how many supernatural beings you face, death is death. Henry plummeted at least one hundred feet down a well, so he's dead. You'll get that answer from everyone, even most of the Losers.

I believe one of my strongest qualities also doubles as my weakest. I'm optimistic, I've always been optimistic. When Beverly kissed Bill and I was standing just close enough to watch, I somehow believed that things would work out. I kept optimistic, I didn't let it get to me(of course it got to me, I cried like a baby that night).

So, when Henry Bowers plummets one hundred or more feet down a well, I have half the mindset to say "What if he lived?"

"Oh my god, is that Fat Boy?" A girl whispered, trying to keep quiet, but failing miserably. Is she that naive or just that rude? I'd been at the store, now I'm outside it. I walked here from the library, took a break inside, and I plan to walk the rest of the way home. I've done this the past few days, from school or the library. I'm hoping it'll motivate me to lose weight. At least stop _gaining_ weight.

"I think it is," the other girl whispered back, giggling obnoxiously. "Does it look like he's gained weight to you?" She spoke again, this time hitting a nerve that I didn't know was exposed. These people never get to me, I'm too used to the comments. But I've been working _so hard_ to lose weight, I thought maybe I was succeeding. Am I wrong? Blind? Am I gaining weight?

I looked down at myself, at what I could see. I saw my stomach. I saw my arms. I saw my legs. I saw my _stomach_. But...I also saw my feet.

"No, I'm not, I'm losing," I spoke loudly, making the girls behind me shut up. I turned to face them, staring at them with a hard facial expression. "You seem to be losing, as well. Losing eyesight, might wanna get those eyes checked," I was being loud, I knew it, but part of me didn't care. I felt so empowered in this moment, I felt so light. I felt like I could do anything, like I was finally claiming my life as _mine_.

I almost smiled. I almost ran home, cheering loudly about my newfound freedom. I almost convinced myself that I could lose all this weight and I could turn my life around. _I almost made it_.

But I didn't. I saw the girls grimacing, I saw the adults gasping. I saw the small children tugging on their mother's pants, pointing at me(no doubt asking why I'm so fat). I felt every ounce of judgement, and a feeling built up inside of me. A mostly unknown feeling, a feeling I only faintly recognized. An awful feeling, one that had my stomach falling to my feet. One that made my entire body break out into an immediate sweat. My limbs trembled, my fingers twitching more than I've ever seen before. My breathing got cut off, leaving me gasping for air.

Fat Boy. Haystack. Piggie. Porker. Egg Boy. Fat Fuck. _Fat_.

Every name I'd ever been called rushed to my head, every word being said in Henry's menacing tone. I could hear him laughing, I could feel his hands slapping my stomach. I could hear every little noise he's ever made, it's _all I could hear_. It was _all at once_.

My feet were moving before my mind had time to catch up. By the time I was aware enough to notice my surroundings, I was running. My feet were moving seemingly by themselves, carrying me closer and closer to my house. My mind still raced, it raced faster than my feet.

Henry's dead. Henry is dead. He's dead. _What if he's not dead?_

Fat Fuck. Fat Boy. Fat Fuck. Fat Boy. Fat Fuck. Fat Boy.

He was laughing, I could hear him laughing. My head whipped around, searching the streets for him. I struggle in a deep gasp as I think I see him standing in the trees. Then I see him in the road; behind me; in front of me. I nearly run into him before realizing he's not there. He's not there, he's dead. I'm imagining things, right?

Then I panic for a new, awful reason. What if he is there? What if I am seeing and hearing him, but it's not _him_? What if Pennywise is back? He shouldn't be, he shouldn't be back for another twenty-seven years. He shouldn't be back, he shouldn't exist. He shouldn't exist _ever_. He shouldn't be _real_. He isn't real, Henry isn't _real_. Henry is dead. Pennywise is _gone_.

It's this town. It's this _fucking town_. I need to get out, I need to leave. I'll never be happy for as long as I'm here, that's all I know for sure. I can't even trust my own mind anymore, _I need to_ _leave_.

I'm finally home. I finally stop running and I finally stop hearing Henry's menacing laughter, bouncing off the walls of my skull. It's suddenly silent in my head, which only unsettles me more. I try to calm down as much as humanly possible, my labored breathing slowly going back to normal. I reach up to wipe my forehead and grimace slightly. I've never sweat so much in my life, and I sweat _a lot_. Myforehead is practically dripping with sweat. My shirt is nearly soaked, the entire thing seeping with sweat. My mom's going to flip her shit.

I walked inside anyway, immediately heading for my room. She was in the living room when I walked in, which I expected. Naturally, she panicked, jumping up from her seat and running after me. I tried to ignore her but how can you ignore...

"Ben! Benny! Ben Hanscom, answer me right this instant!" She screeched so loudly, I think she broke my eardrums. My ears rang for a solid five seconds before I could even consider responding to her.

"What, Mom?" I yelled back, still not stopping as I rushed into my room and towards my dresser. I pulled a new shirt out, quickly changing into it, hating to be shirtless for too long. My mom was yelling about god knows what, trying to figure out what happened. "I went on a run, ok? Is that so bad?"

"You never run! What's wrong? Did someone chase you? Was it that Bowers boy?" My blood is boiling again, but I try to push it away. I try to keep it in; for her sake more than my own.

"Henry Bowers is dead!" I yell back, then take in a deep breath, letting it out slowly through my mouth. "I just wanted to run, it felt good. No one was chasing me, I was fine."

_I was fine_. That's the biggest lie I've ever told. I was anything but fine and I think a part of her knows that. It's just not a part of her that's willing to make an appearance today.

She left after some more convincing. I immediately started throwing stuff into a bag. Mostly clothes, but I tried to fit in as much as humanly possible. I then bent down on my knees, leaning over to look under my bed. I found what I was looking for: a small blue pouch that held every bit of money I've ever earned. I've never spent any money, I've always kept it. I thought I was saving it for college.

Once all of that was sorted, I stood up and stared at my bed. I slung the bag over my shoulder and huffed quietly to myself at its weight. I kept trying to feel sadness. Or anger. I kept trying to feel _something_, but I was blank. As I left my house for the last time, the only thing I could physically feel was relief. It sucks that I feel this way, it makes me sad. But what am I supposed to do? Stay here out of guilt?

I can't. I can't stay here, I need to go. I need to leave here and go some place where my mind isn't plagued by fears. I need peace and quiet, which I'll never find here.

But as I got further and further away from my house, it didn't take me long to remember the most important thing of all: the Losers.

And as I thought that sentence, I looked up, locking eyes with a familiar face. Belonging to none other than Mike Hanlon, and _boy_ was I glad to see him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't amazing.  
But that's ok.  
The only part I like is the beginning.  
I hope you enjoyed,  
anyway! Even if it's boring,  
they'll get better soon!  
-Apple


	6. 4»Mike Hanlon Visits His Past

** _ Mike Hanlon _ **  
** _ Saturday, August 31 _ **

I barely remember my parents. I have so few memories of them, and the ones I _do_ have are probably the worst ones I could possibly remember. Their screams, the pounding on the door. Their voices are hazy in my mind, the only memory I have of them are their pleas as they screamed my name. It hurts to think about them, but I do it constantly. I've been spacing out during my school lessons lately, and I can tell it pisses my grandfather off. I can't help it, they're haunting every corner of my mind.

Right now, I'm looking through an old photo album. My grandfather usually hides these, but I found one and hid it in my room. He's walked in on me looking at it a few times, so I'm sure he knows that I have it. He hasn't taken it away yet, though, so maybe he'll let me keep it, if I'm lucky.

The house in these pictures makes me even more sad. It's the house from Harris Avenue, the house that burned down with them inside. I hate this house, but it's the last place I saw my parents, so I can never find the courage to fully resent it. I know it does no good to hate objects, either, although it helps me feel better. My grandfather has always tried to convince me that hatred is bad, but hatred has always made me feel at least a small bit better. I'll always be mad at the world, I'll always hate objects and people. I'll always feel betrayed and hurt, I see no reason to act like I won't.

Just as I turned onto the second page, my bedroom door swung open. I no longer scrambled to hide the book, pretty confident in my theory that he'll let me keep it. My grandfather stood in the door and looked at me with quizzical eyes, then switched his gaze, looking straight at the book. He then spoke up, saying one of the only things I didn't want to hear right now. "I need you to make another run to the butcher shop," I immediately groaned, glancing between him and the photos.

"Can't it wait?" I asked in an annoyed tone, making him narrow his eyes at me. I know I shouldn't give him attitude like that, but really? Can't he wait just twenty more minutes?

"No, but that book can wait. You've been staring at that thing for days now," he nearly scolded, motioning towards it in a dismissive manner. I sat up a bit more, also motioning towards it.

"I like it, Grandpa, is that not allowed? And I just started looking through it again, can you give me just ten minutes?" I asked in a desperate tone of voice, but it didn't work. He kept his hard expression and shook his head.

"No, I can't," he said simply, then turned around and left my room. I then got mad and stood up from my own bed, following him out and into the rest of the house. I don't understand what his issue is with my parents, but he needs to stop acting like they didn't exist. I'd give anything to see them just one more time, and he acts like they were never even there. How can he do that? How is he physically able to do that?

"Why do you act like they don't exist? Better yet, _how_ do you do it? I can't go five minutes without thinking about them!" I yell as I walk towards him, which makes him sigh loudly and start to pack up the meat into a bag.

"Mike, I am not talking about this any longer. You're being ridiculous, and I don't have time for it. You need to deliver this meat right now," he ordered firmly, which made me so mad that my eyes welled up with tears. He noticed, only rolling his eyes in response. Once I saw that, I snapped.

"You don't even fucking care about your own son! You're a shitty grandfather, and probably an even worse father! I would give _anything_ to see my parents just one final time, and you act like they were never even born!" I yelled suddenly, making his eyes widen. He looked at me in surprise for a second before continuing to pack up the meat, his face getting progressively angrier.

"You don't use that language with me, got it?" He ordered, his voice gruff as he finished packing, picking up the package and walking closer to me. "Your parents are gone, Mike! They aren't coming back!" He yelled nearly in my face, making my eyes swell with fresh tears. He then shoved the package into my chest roughly, nearly knocking me off balance. "Deliver the damn meat, boy." And then he walked off, leaving me crying in the middle of the room.

Is he serious? I know my parents aren't coming back, but did he have to say it to my face? That just made everything ten times worse. And what sucks most is that he knew it would hurt me. He _wanted_ to hurt me.

I took in a deep breath, trying to blink away my tears as I made my way to our front door. I bent down to slide some shoes on, then stood up and hurried out of the house, slamming the door shut behind me in a slightly dramatic way. I walked to my bike and put the meat in my basket, then got on and headed off the farm. It was the first time in a very long time that I was happy to head into town and away from here.

Every fiber of my being is telling me to go back and stand up to him, but then I remember who he really is. How am I supposed to be tough and disrespectful to my grandfather, let alone my strict and stubborn grandfather? I just can't see that ending well, but I feel the urge to do it. Maybe I will when I get back, if I can work up the courage.

As I rode closer to the store, I started to get awful flashbacks. Of Henry, of Pennywise, my encounter with him at the store. It all just leads back to my parents. Why does everything remind me of my parents? Can't I get a break for just one day? I close my eyes and all I see are their charred hands, their skin slowly melting down until they're nothing but bone. When I lay down to sleep at night, their screams of my name, their screams of agony fill my mind like a bad dream. I wish these things only happened in my nightmares, but they're constant. Every second of every day, and it's all because of that damn clown. Before everything that happened this summer, I thought about them a lot, yeah, but at least I could function. Now I can't even look at the color black without feeling a pang in my chest, and I just want it to stop.

I quickly delivered the meat, absolutely hating that shop ever since my first encounter. I'm terrified IT will show up again, which I know is silly, but I can't help it. He haunts my nightmares and lately I just can't distinguish reality as much as I used to. My dreams feel real enough that they can occasionally blur into my day, especially when I'm not doing anything I enjoy. Whenever I'm doing my schoolwork, my mind wanders off into a different world and I can't think straight. It's slowly killing me, I can feel it, but how am I supposed to stop it?

I walked over to my bike and was about to get onto it, but saw a familiar silhouette a few streets down. I furrowed my eyebrows a bit when seeing his bag, letting go of my bike and walking in the direction of him. Why is Ben just walking down the street with a bag slung over his shoulder?

I stuffed my hands into my pockets, hurrying down the street in order to reach him faster and see what's up. He didn't notice me at first, he looked insanely disoriented. A car drove past him and his head snapped towards it in a hurry, looking at it with huge eyes. This only confused me more as we entered the same street. He looked up once more, finally spotting me and visually loosening up, a small smile spreading across his face.

"Mike! Oh thank god," he called out before he was even in front of me, walking a bit faster now. I nodded my head in a greeting of some sort, finally reaching him on the road and urging him towards the side so we don't get run over.

"What are you doing, Ben? Why do you look so stressed, and why are you carrying a bag?" I must've looked as confused as I sounded, because he gave me a side smile, looking slightly nervous.

"Uh, well...I had a small breakdown, you could say. And I decided that staying in this town is only going to make things worse," he explained vaguely, making me raise my eyebrows significantly.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Don't sound so disappointed! I can't stay here, Mike, it's Hell. You know it's Hell for you, as well, so don't act like I'm crazy. You can't tell me you don't want to run away!" He exclaimed loudly, his tone defensive as he motioned towards me, then towards our surroundings. I frowned a little, shaking my head slowly.

He's a fool. He won't survive a week out by himself, doesn't he know that? And he wants me to admit that I want to run away, another foolish move. Of course I want to escape Derry, we all do, but I won't admit that. Running away isn't possible, we'd either get caught or into trouble. We'd tap out and come home within a week, I know it, and then we'd be in even more trouble than we normally are. I just don't think it's worth it.

"Ben, that's insane. You won't last a week! This is running away, you can't just take it back when things get tough," I explained in an assertive tone, hoping to get my point across to him. It didn't seem to work as he shook his head.

"I know what I'm getting myself into! I won't take it back, I'm not coming back," his tone was also assertive, making me huff lightly. He doesn't understand any of this, but there's no point in arguing with him. If he wants to go out and brave the world on his own, he can knock himself out.

"Well, we'll see about that. What's your plan?" I questioned skeptically, crossing my arms over my chest. He looked at me for a second before shrugging, causing me to roll my eyes. "You don't even have a plan? God help you." I shook my head, turning around and beginning to walk away from him. I heard him rush to catch up with me again, soon seeing him out of the corner of my eye, walking next to me on the road.

"I can do it, Mike! Stop doubting me just because I'm not methodical and a hard ass like you," he grumbled, making me scoff a bit, but gain an involuntary smile.

"No, you'll crash and burn without my expertise." I nodded as I continued to walk down the road, not giving a second thought as to where I was going, or even remembering to grab my bike. "You'll be missing out."

"You can always just come with me!" He fake cheered, then laughed lightly at my disgusted expression. "Where are we even going?" He suddenly asked, looking around at the familiar shops and buildings.

"Don't know, where do you want to go?" I shrugged, looking over at him as he continued to look around. He examined everything until his eyes reached mine.

"Maybe we should go see Eddie. His house is only a few blocks away." He mimicked my shrug, pointing down the road towards the houses. I nodded in response, following his gaze and continuing to walk down the empty street.

"Speaking of Eddie, have you noticed how weird he's been acting lately?" I asked suddenly, then looked back over to him, my eyebrows furrowed once again.

"He's definitely been more quiet, yeah. What do you mean by weird?" He asked, his own eyebrows furrowing as I turned to look where I was walking.

"Yeah but he literally stares at Richie for minutes on end. I don't know how to take it. I know the group has always made jokes about them being together, but this is next level." I shook my head as I finished talking. It was silent for a good two minutes. Ben began to kick a rock down the road, repeatedly making it go further and further until he lost it. That's when he looked over to me and finally spoke.

"Maybe they are together. I wouldn't be surprised, and I guess I wouldn't really care," he spoke slowly, obviously contemplating his words as he spoke them. I took in a deep breath, tilting my head to the side a bit.

"It would be kind of odd, I guess, but as long as they're happy," I breathed out my words, which he nodded in agreement with. He was about to talk again when I cut him off. "Hey, speaking of." I smiled a little, pointing forward down the road, where Eddie and Richie stood. They were just standing in front of each other, but they were obviously having a pretty important conversation. I was about to suggest we leave them alone, but had no time.

"Guys!" Ben yelled loudly, beginning to jog down the street. I hurried to catch up, jogging next to him. I held in a laugh when Richie and Eddie jumped apart from each other, turning around the face us. They slowly met us halfway, waving just a bit.

We interrupted something, I can feel it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this chapter wasn't awful.  
But it still wasn't amazing so I cry.  
The ending was shit, sorry.  
-Apple


	7. 5»Eddie Receives a Threat

** _ Eddie _ **  
** _ Saturday, August 31 _ **

I'm so fucking stupid for telling her. Why did I ever think she'd accept me? She's a complete bitch and an awful mother. I hate her, I just wish she didn't hate me.

"You're a _faggot_, Eddie! How did I end up with a faggot for a son? What did I do wrong?" She screamed at me, which made me flinch a bit. I tried to stand up straighter and talk back, but my eyes still welled with tears.

"I'm not a faggot, Mom! Stop!" I yelled almost desperately, not sounding at all how I wanted to sound. She's never taken me seriously, and this is probably why. I can't stand up to her no matter how hard I try, not when she's insulting me with this shit.

"You are! You're an awful excuse for a son and I'm getting you help!" she screamed once again, which only made me cry more. Does she even know what she's saying? How can she call me these things just because I'm dating a boy? I wanted to tell her so I didn't have to keep secrets, and I hoped she would try to understand, but she just exploded on me. She gave me no warning before she practically ripped my heart out, and I'm not sure how much of it I can take. I can't handle her criticism, not when she's supposed to be the woman that looks after me and makes sure I'm ok. She's the exact opposite, how could I ever be so stupid?

"Help? Mom, I don't need help! What the hell are you talking about?" I yelled back as I continued to cry, tears sliding down my cheeks quicker than I could keep up with. My voice cracked as I yelled, but I barely even noticed with how heated the conversation was. Her entire aura darkened, the same way it always does when I use even the slightest swear word. But I held my ground this time, trying to stay firm as she glared at me.

"I won't hear another word, Eddie! You need help. You need to grow out of this phase and get medicine for your issues. Don't worry, you'll be heterosexual again in no time," she spoke as if she were calm, but she obviously wasn't. And her words only made my blood boil more, so it was impossible for me to stay calm. She really thinks Richie is a phase? Or that me liking boys is an "issue," and I need to fix it? Is she that naive?

"Mom, I don't have issues! _You_ do!" I screamed once again, which made her get wide eyes and stand up straighter. But I kept going before she could say anything. "I can't fix something like this! It's not some sort of phase, I just like guys! Why is that so hard to accept? If you love me, accept me for who I am!"

"No, no, no! Eddie, my sweet boy, being a faggot isn't forever. We can get you therapy and medicine, and you'll be good as new in no time!" She now had a smile, her words holding a caring tone, but they were foolish. I could feel my entire face contort in disgust, looking up at her and shaking my head slowly as I backed away from her. She looked confused, stepping a bit closer. "What's wrong, Eddie-kins?"

"God, Mom, how can you be so _stupid_? You're ridiculous and a complete idiot! You're insane!" I was yelling anything that came to mind, forcing words out as more tears slid down my face. She looked mad, but was obviously trying to hold it all inside.

"Eddie, stop this nonsense. You don't like boys, you're just confused. That boy is not your significant other, he's just the neighborhood screwup, which everyone knows." She waved me off, then had the nerve to laugh. I nearly hit her, my blood now boiling under my skin.

"Shut the fuck up! You don't know anything!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, straining my voice as much as it would go. She looked at me with all the fires of Hell, I swear, but I barely noticed. She can't talk about Richie like that, he's the best thing to ever happen to me. A thousand times better than her, so she has no room to talk. She took in a deep breath, lifting a hand to point at me as she tried to calm herself down.

"Y-You need help. Lots and lots of help," she said plain and simple, then took in another deep breath. "We could...move. Or you could go to a private school!" she cheered as if it were a good thing, then hurried to the kitchen. I watched her rush to the phone and flip through the phone book, already dialing a number. My fists clenched as tightly as they would go as I breathed deeply through my nose. I continued to rage quietly until she began to speak to someone over the phone, which angered me to the point where I screamed. I just screamed, my voice straining once more with the intense volume. She startled slightly, but ignored me and began to assure the person on the phone that everything was ok.

My breathing became erratic and uneven, which just worked me up more. I hurried to my room, slamming the door shut behind me and immediately rushing to my bedside table. I picked up my inhaler in a rush, nearly dropping it as I raised it to my mouth with a shaky hand. I pressed down roughly on the canister and closed my eyes in relief as air flooded my lungs. I slowly pulled it away from my mouth, breathing evenly until I started to cry again. I was given little time before I naturally started crying harder, sobbing loudly in my bedroom.

I sat down roughly on my bed and cried, my chest aching with the strain for air, but I didn't attempt to fix it. I just cried and cried, my mind racing with everything that had happened. She called me a faggot, said I needed help, and now she's trying to send me away so I can't see Richie anymore. Does she have even the slightest idea what that will do to me? And will she even care when I'm miserable?

I can't lose Richie. I didn't realize I needed him until I had him, but now I can't lose him. He's the only one I truly have, what would I do without him? And I'd never fit in anywhere else. Derry is bad enough, even with a group of friends. Even with Henry gone, we still get teased constantly for being different. I wouldn't have friends in a new place, life would be absolutely awful. Maybe she's trying to ruin my life.

After sitting for a long time, just crying and thinking at lightning speed, I finally calmed down enough to properly think. If she moves me away, or sends me to a private school, I won't see the Losers ever again. I won't see Richie or Bill, I won't see any of them. It'll be as if I never existed, but how am I supposed to fight her? She's in charge of me, I can't demand we stay here. And even if we do stay here, she'll put me through every bit of therapy she can possibly think of. Either way would be hell, so what am I supposed to do? I don't think I can do anything.

I sniffled lightly, my tears finally coming to a stop. I wiped at my eyes(using one hand because of my stupid cast) as I stood up and made my way to my closet. I pulled open the door, my nose scrunching up a bit when the door creaked. Once the door was open, I extended my good hand up to my top shelf, which I could barely reach, considering how short I am. I blindly felt around until I found what I was looking for. I held it tight then dropped back down onto flat feet and walked over to my bed, sitting down once more. I held up the small photo and looked at it intently, which immediately made me feel better.

It's probably really silly of me to keep a picture of Richie Tozier hidden in my closet, but I can't get rid of it. Whenever I feel down, simply looking at him can make me feel better. What's even more embarrassing is admitting that I've had it since before we started dating, but I don't plan on telling him that. Or anyone, unless I want to get teased into the next century.

I continued to look at him, a smile slowly spreading across my face. I'll never get over how warm his eyes are, or how warm they make me feel. I know he hates them, but I love his glasses. They make him look adorable, and not to mention how much they enhance his eyes, allowing me to get an even better look. Don't even get me started on his smile, or his personality, or his hair, because I could talk for hours. He's perfect to me, truly, and I really wish he knew it.

Oh god, listen to me, I sound like a girl gushing over him. I can't help it, he's just so easy to talk about. The only time I've ever talked about him aloud and to someone was once, when I was with him. And I didn't go into detail, I just told him how I see him and why I wanted to be with him. Which he needed, considering how insecure he truly is. I'm insecure, too, I just don't tell anyone. I think we're all insecure, though, it would be kind of weird if we weren't.

As I stared at his picture in deep thought, an idiotic thought popped into my head. An impossible one that would be stupid to ensue, yet I can't help but think about it. Although it's a stupid movie cliché that could only ever happen in a fictional world, what if we ran away? Richie seems like the type to agree to something like that, so what if we did? No parents, just us and wherever we end up. Although dumb and unrealistic, I find myself coming up with ideas. Where we could go, what we could do. It would be amazing, and on top of it, I'd be with Richie. I can't live without him, I know that, and living on the road would be hell, but at least I'd be with him. At least I'd be happier. I would miss the Losers like crazy, but we could see them again someday.

It's so foolish to think it could work, but maybe I'm in the mood to be foolish for once. Maybe I don't want to be Mr. Perfect today. I rebelled once already by telling my mom I'm gay, so why not make it twice? And then a thousand more times as I roam the country with my boyfriend?

This is stupid, I know it, but I'm prepared to be stupid if it means I'll be with Richie forever. More than prepared.

As I was brainstorming, I was scared half to death by a loud car horn right outside my house. I climbed on top of my bed and moved to the window, then pulled the curtains back to look outside. I saw a big truck, which honked once more before slowly swerving in the road, avoiding a person who seemed to be completely unaware of their surroundings, including the car. I took in a deep breath, glad they didn't get run over, then was about to pull away from the window when I noticed something. I noticed the person's slightly curly, dark brown hair. Then their ridiculous shirt, and even their ginormous glasses. What the _fuck_ is Richie doing walking in the middle of the road?

I began to panic slightly, hurrying off my bed and to the door, swinging it open and running through the house. My mom wasn't anywhere to be seen, which was fine by me as I ran to the front door and swung it open. I looked both ways on the road, then made my way to Richie slowly. Why the hell didn't he react to a car honking right behind him?

"Richie?" I called out, but he didn't even look up, he just kept slowly walking down the road. He's starting to scare me, honestly, so I walked closer until I was right next to him. "Richie, hello?" I talked loudly, but he just kept walking, causing me to reach out and grab his arm, stopping him from walking further. I moved so I was in front of him and kept my hand on his arm, just not as tightly. "Richie, what's going on?" I spoke firmly, watching as he slowly looked up at me. When I looked into his eyes, I softened back up, now just wanting to protect him. I can tell something is wrong. "Rich, are you ok?"

He blinked slowly, obviously coming down from whatever place he was mentally in. "Yeah, I'm ok," he answered, which made my frown deepen. I know he's lying, and he knows I know, so what am I supposed to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skrrt  
Reddie is all I care about as of right now.  
The only ship that has sailed in this story that I care deeply about.  
Amen and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!  
-Apple
> 
> ps. If you haven't realized it yet...  
all of the chapters for the Losers Club are connected.  
i.e. Ben saw Mike at the end of his chapter,  
and then in Mike's chapter, he met up with Ben  
and then saw Richie and Eddie in the road.  
Richie's chapter is next, and in said chap,  
him and Eddie will meet up with Ben and Mike.
> 
> Lowkey I'm proud of myself for planning all of this out and connecting them well!  
Let me know if you're liking the chapters being connected so far!!  
I love it hehe
> 
> Ok bye for real this time!


	8. 6»Richie Gets a Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like to listen to Light the Sky by Grace Vanderwaal while reading this chapter, I encourage you to!  
That song in the playlist is based on the night Richie and Eddie spend, mentioned in this chapter.  
Enjoy!!

** _ Richie _ **  
** _ Saturday, August 31 _ **

I've wanted to run away for years now. My dad hates me, my mom doesn't care. There's more alcohol in the house than there is food, making it hard for me to eat. Most of the food is taken by my parents, I'm left with little. It's gotten so bad that Eddie has been sneaking me food whenever he can. It's pathetic, I'm embarrassed to ask that of him. I'm embarrassed to eat his food while he watches me in sympathy. I'm just _so_ _embarrassed_ that I'm nothing like him.

The last time Eddie gave me food was five days ago, down by the entrance to the sewers. We were starting school in only two days, and I hadn't eaten in at least five. Eddie could tell, he's always been able to tell when I'm starving. He has some sort of telepathy, mind control shit going on or something. He told me to meet him by the sewers, and I agreed. I'll always agree.

I went there right away, wanting to beat him there. He doesn't like being alone down there, and I know that, so I try to always be there before him. Then, when he gets there, he won't be alone. Nothing to panic or be scared over, because Trashmouth the Great will ward off all monsters, using his noodle arms and zero upper body strength. It'll be awesome, he'll love me forever. Note my sarcasm.

I got there and was alone for a solid ten minutes, but I didn't mind. I just picked up rocks and threw them angrily into the water, as you do. That's normal, right? Definitely normal. Then Eddie showed up, and I ate as always. Same as every time, I ate and he watched. But he didn't seem sad today, he looked almost happy. He smiled at me in an endearing way, and I didn't know what to do with it. I've been crazy in love with Eddie Kaspbrak for months, and then this random day five days ago, he's watching me eat with a sweet smile on his face. It freaked me out.

That's when he legitimately grabbed my hand, giving me an actual heart attack. I can still remember how fast my heart was beating, and how fast my thoughts were racing. He just held my hand and smiled at me, then said "Richie, do you have feelings for me?" I shit myself all over again, of course, but I said yes. I think it was the only day in my entire life that I didn't crack a joke about his mom, which was an accomplishment.

I don't know how it happened, but we ended up getting together. All I remember is saying "So, what's next? We become boyfriends?" In an amused tone, because the word was funny. The _concept _was funny, two boys dating each other. But Eddie only smiled shyly, holding my hand tighter. It was a silent yes, and that's when things got batshit crazy.

On instinct, I leaned forward and kissed him lightly. It was about a millisecond long, but it was enough to send a bolt of electricity running through my body. His cheeks heated up, their color such a bright red, nearly matching his ridiculous shorts. I'm sure I looked similar, I remember how hot I suddenly felt, despite the setting sun. We stayed out until late, talking and kissing. It was all very soft and sweet, which surprised me more than it surprised him. I knew I was a secret softy, but that was next level, staring up at the dark sky and cuddling in the tall grass. He didn't care about germs, he only cared about me. It was amazing, a dream come true.

That's exactly what it felt like; a dream. I woke up the next morning, ninety-nine percent sure that it _was_ a dream. That I had imagined the entire thing, and Eddie didn't even come close to liking me. But, what do you know, it was true. It all really happened, and we planned to hang out again that day. It was so surreal and I was so happy that I didn't even allow my drunken mother to dampen my mood. It was the best day of my life.

We met up and rode our bikes around, trying to find a cool place to hang out. We weren't having much luck as we approached Bev's old street. I was looking up and down the road to try and decide which way to go, but ended up spotting Stan walking down the road. I noticed him before he noticed us, but when he did, it was an odd sight. Eddie and I turned right and headed down the road, and I watched Stan the whole time. He immediately got a bit of a panicked expression, which confused me even more. He turned and hurried towards the back of Bev's old building, which made little to no sense. Or I thought so, at the time.

I couldn't help but think about it for the rest of the day. Why did he act so weird? I did ride by and see that Bev was still there, but what made him shy away from us? He's never liked me, that's no secret, but this was just weird. Literally running away from Eddie and I was downright weird.

Nonetheless, Eddie and I ended up just going back to the same place as last time. We once again just talked most of the day, and when it got dark, I even stole a kiss or two. I was happy, I could feel it resonating in my stomach. I remember the feel of his soft fingertips as they trailed my arm, and I remember the red tint on his cheeks as he smiled sweetly. I remember it all, it was all so amazing. Like I said before, it truly was the best night of my life.

The next three days contained lots of stress, for too many reasons. Bev was gone, meaning Bill was an angsty mess. Ben was annoyed over Bill's angst, considering Bill got the girl in the end. Stan admitted to talking to her, which made Ben and Bill flip their shit. Mike was just annoyed constantly, so he stayed away a lot. Then, Eddie and I just stood on the side, too scared to hold hands or look at each other for too long. And, on top of all that, school started.

Today is finally a Saturday, and I'm exhausted as ever. Not only has all of this been going on, but my mom is in an extra bad mood today. My dad probably said something shitty to her, which meant anger and more alcohol. Gotta love my parents, right?

I'm laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, reminiscing on those two amazing days. I don't know what it is about my ceiling, but I can look at it for hours. My normally ADHD ridden body just calms down, and I can lay stone still for as long as I please. Maybe it's because of how simple it is, the plain white surface giving my mind nothing to go off of. The world is so busy and colorful; I can look at a tree and see five different things at once, which tends to make my mind race. I try to take in everything as fast as possible, but my running speed isn't the same as everyone else. With my ceiling, there's no competition. Just me and a boring, white, flat surface. Until the phone rings, that is.

"Richie, the phone is ringing!" My mom yelled angrily up the stairs after the first ring sounded. I literally jumped out of bed, sprinting to the nearest phone(which just so happened to be in my parents' room) and picking it up.

"Tozier residence, tell me something good. If you're a sales person, kindly fuck off," I spoke in a somewhat bored tone, ready to greet my fucking principal or some shit. It's a miracle he hasn't called yet, it's already been three days since school started.

"_Richie?_" A somewhat familiar voice came through the phone, making my eyebrows furrow.

"Uh, who is this?" I asked, hearing a small huff.

"_C'mon, Trashmouth, you know who I am,_" they replied in a teasing tone of voice, and my mouth opened a bit, trying to fully process who this was.

"Beverly?" I asked without thinking, that being my initial instinct. I'll probably shit if it's not her.

"_Good job, you learned how to distinguish voices,_" she teased again, and now I could tell no doubt that it was Bev. I was remembering the small distinguishing tones of her voice, and it was impossible not to know her as Bev, even through the muffled telephone.

"Yeah, yeah, why are you calling me? Shouldn't you be calling Bill? Or even Ben?" I asked, pure confusion being all I felt. I didn't even have room to tease her for her new life, I just wanted to know why the hell Beverly Marsh is calling _me_, of all people.

"_Kind of a long story. I need to tell you something, and I know it's odd but just hear me out,_" she explained quickly, sounding rushed. I was about to answer when I heard her again. "_I'll be out in a minute! Shut up!_" She yelled, but it was still faded. She probably tried to cover the speaker so I wouldn't hear, but she literally yelled, so of course I heard. Sometimes my friends are stupid. Like, more stupid than me.

"Who are you yelling at?" I asked, hearing her sigh deeply.

"_Just my friend, I'm borrowing her phone. I need to hurry, so just listen,_" she ordered, and I only hummed in approval, sitting on my mom's bed, then laying back, my legs dangling off the side. I actually just wanted to know why she memorized my number, but that's for another time. She started talking again, and it took every bit of effort to listen to what she was saying. I hate having ADHD. "_Don't ask why I'm telling you this, I just need someone to know. Just in case anything happens. I'm sure you know that I moved to Indiana, yes?_" She asked, which made my eyebrows furrow. Why would I know that?

"No, I didn't. Why would I? I thought you were only moving a state over," I explained in a confused tone, which made her take in a deep breath.

"_Stan didn't tell anyone?_"She asked quietly, which confused me even more.

"Stan? You told Stan?" I sounded almost defensive in my words, which made her take in a sharp breath. She told Stan over Bill? Over Ben? They'll flip their shit.

"_There's no time to discuss this, Richie. I moved to Indiana, I don't know why Stan didn't say anything. I moved to a small town named Hawkins. Not many people know it, but it's where I am. I don't expect anything to happen to me, so don't panic, I just need someone to know,_" she explained in a frantic tone, making me furrow my eyebrows again. I wanted to push further on the Stan matter, but that's for later. Maybe I'll ask Stan about it.

"Hawkins? I've never even heard of that. Is it on the map?" I joked, and I could practically sense her rolling her eyes at me. "Bad joke. Ok, Hawkins, Indiana, got it." I nodded to myself, drilling the words into my brain as much as I possibly could.

"_Make sure Bill knows where I am, ok? I'll talk to you later, Richie,_" she said finally, then hung up before I could answer her. I hung up the phone, standing up off my mom's bed and walking back towards my room.

"Make sure Bill knows. Yeah, right, that's practical suicide around here," I mumbled to myself, laughing a little afterwards. I entered my room and sighed, looking around at nothing in particular. I was about to just lay back down when I heard a crash downstairs. I cringed at the noise, my face falling and my stomach doing a flip. I'm willing to bet the skin off my back that she just smashed another dish, or another vase. Something that will bother my dad for no reason, something that will create more issues. I let out a deep sigh, reaching up to rub my face in slight frustration.

It took me less than a second to decide to leave. I didn't take anything, I just decided to get out of the house for as long as possible. I hate being home when she's drunk enough to break things, it brings me a different kind of sadness that I'm not in the mood to put myself through today. So I left my room and headed down the stairs quietly. Once by the door, I could hear clearly that my mom was crying frantically. I frowned, but pulled my shoes on and left the house. I want to check on her, I want to make sure she's ok. But when is the last time she checked on me when I was crying? I want to have sympathy for her, but it's just so difficult when she shows me none.

I hate my family, if you could even call it that. My dad is a dick, which causes my mom to drink. She drinks and breaks things, which makes my dad get mad all over again. It's a never-ending cycle, and I'm in the middle of it. I have to deal with my dad's abuse, and I have to deal with my mom's drunken anger. I have to deal with my rumbling stomach, my hygiene, my emotions. All I have are the Losers, they're truly the only family I have. And the sad part is that they don't even know what I'm feeling.

I walked down the road with no idea where I was going. That's usually how my walks go, although I almost always end up by the quarry somehow. I find it insanely comforting, the sound of the water hitting the dirt and rocks. I close my eyes and just lay there, which usually calms me down enough for me to go home. It's basically a tradition by now, I do it most weekends.

As I was thinking about all of this, I zoned out, not paying attention to my surroundings. Before I knew it, there was a small hand on my arm and a familiar voice filling my ears. I tried to snap out of it, looking up from the ground and meeting a pair of soothing brown eyes.

"Rich, are you ok?" He started to sound closer as I blinked slowly, soon registering my surroundings.

"Yeah, I'm ok," I said without having to think about it, this being my initial answer. I don't think I've ever admitted to my negative feelings, and I don't plan to. He knows I'm lying, he frowns at me. I immediately feel guilt spill through me, my own frown appearing. "I was just spacing out," I spoke quieter now, shaking my head a bit. He furrowed his eyebrows, reaching up to fix my glasses.

"More like blacking out. A car honked at you and you didn't even react. You were walking towards the main road, actually," he sounded worried, looking at me with big eyes. I looked fully up, glancing around the road and sure enough, I wasn't far from the busiest road in the neighborhood. Eddie's house is down the street, he must've seen me and came out to get me before I wandered into the middle of a busy road. "R-Richie?" His voice came to me once again, causing me to look down at him. He looked scared.

"I'm ok, Eds, really. I just wasn't paying attention to where I was going. Don't worry about me." I shrugged a little, looking at him with big eyes. He continued to examine me, then gained a weird expression. One that I don't see often.

"Did your mom do something? Your dad?" He asks suddenly, then pauses to wait for a reply. I looked away from his gaze, shaking my head lightly. He pursed his lips, then sighed. "You don't have to tell me what happened, Richie, just promise me you're ok."

"Why wouldn't I be? It's not like I was asking to get run over, Eddie," I shot back before I could think about it. And before I could change my words, he was replying in a frantic tone.

"But you could've been!" He suddenly yelled, his eyes swelling with tears. My eyebrows furrowed as he shook his head, continuing to talk. "Doesn't matter whether you wanted it or not, you could've been run over. And then what would I do?" He was scared, I could still see it in his eyes. But now I realized that it wasn't over me, and my body flooded with worry.

"E-Eds? What happened?" I asked in a hushed tone, scared to talk any louder than this. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, a few tears sliding down his cheeks. He shook his head quickly, shifting from foot to foot, stepping further away from me, then back. He was restless, his fingers folding and unfolding at his sides.

"My mom. Sh-She..." he tried to explain, but couldn't get the rest of his words out. He cried harder, moving his good hand up to his hair and tugging roughly on it. I reached forward, grabbing his wrist, causing him to open his eyes and look at me.

"Eddie, please don't hurt yourself," I whispered, continuing to look at him with a sad expression. He sniffled heavily, slowly releasing his hand and moving it away from his hair. I let go of his wrist, instead moving my hands to his cheeks. "Whatever she did, it's ok. I'm here, ok? I'm not going anywhere, we'll get through this," I assured as I wiped away his tears with my thumbs. He sniffled heavily, shaking his head, but just barely.

"Will you run away with me?" Is all he said, and it immediately threw me off. He talked quietly and slowly, his tone seeping with sadness. His voice cracked and broke, and I nearly didn't believe what I was hearing.

"Wh-What?" I asked, looking at him with big eyes and furrowed eyebrows. He got a worried look, obviously scared that I would say no. I won't say no. Fuck, I'd _never_ say no. I'm just confused as to where this came from.

"I-I'm running away no matter what, I just...I don't want to do it alone. I was gonna go to your house and ask you there, but then I saw you out here," he explained in a mess of words, sounding worried and frantic. I looked at him for a long while in complete silence, my eyebrows still furrowed and my mouth slightly parted. He stared back, his eyes still filled with worry and his hands still fidgeting.

"God, what did she do to you?" I whispered, reaching forward and pulling him towards me. He instinctively opened his arms, wrapping them tightly around me. I did the same, holding him firmly, never planning to let go. "I'd run away with you any day, Eddie. I've wanted to run away for years, I only stayed because of you and the Losers," I whispered to him, and I felt his grip around me tightening. He nuzzled his face into my chest, where he then sniffled some more.

"Sh-She threatened to either move me away or send me to a private school," he answered my question, which once again had me confused.

"Why the hell would she do that?"

"I-It's a really long story. I don't want to talk about it right now," he mumbled, but I could still make out what he was saying. I only nodded, holding him tighter and nuzzling my face into his hair.

We stayed like that for at least five more minutes. We stood in the road and hugged, both of us simultaneously calming down. It was amazing, as you'd expect hugging Eddie Kaspbrak to be. His fingers fiddled and played with the back of my shirt, which made me smile. My eyes fluttered closed when feeling his soft touch. I melted into him, no matter how small he was, and I felt safe. I felt ok for the first time since last Tuesday, in the small arms of my boyfriend.

Too soon, though, we pulled away. He looked a lot more relaxed, but still slightly on edge. When he spoke again, his voice was an octave higher than normal, no matter how gentle his tone was.

"Will you really run away with me?" He asked with big eyes, and I nodded without thinking about it. I have nothing to think about. Escaping this town? My parents? And at the side of my best friend and boyfriend? No question, I'm running away.

"Of course. I wouldn't even think about staying here, let alone letting you go by yourself. Someone has to keep an eye on you, Eddie Spaghetti," I teased lightly, bringing my hand up to ruffle his hair. He smiled, not even swatting my hand away. I laughed lightly to myself, then moved my hand to his chin, tilting his head up and leaning down to place a gentle kiss on his lips. He smiles more as I pull away.

"I still can't believe how soft and gentle you are with me. Is it an act or something?" He asked, raising one eyebrow at me. I chuckled lightly, shaking my head.

"No, not an act. If anything is an act, it's my outrageous side." I shrugged, which he began to frown at. But that's when both of us were given full blown heart attacks.

"Guys!" Someone yelled from behind us, which immediately made us jump and step away from each other. I spun around in the direction of the voice, seeing Mike and Ben as they made their way towards us. We waved a bit, walking towards them and meeting them halfway. "Hey guys! What're you doing standing in the road?" Ben questioned us, pointing at the road as he talked. Eddie and I glanced at each other, then back at the two in front of us. Mike had his hands stuffed into his pockets, looking slightly annoyed. Ben was holding a bag, which made me furrow my eyebrows.

"We were just talking. Why do you have a bag?" I asked, pointing at his bag in a mocking manner. He rolled his eyes, but suddenly looked a bit nervous.

"Well, I may or may not have decided to run away," he said simply, which made my mouth drop open. Eddie looked just as surprised, his eyes wide. I looked over to Mike now, examining his still-bored expression.

"Do you know about this? You're the dad in the group, why haven't you dealt with this?" I scolded in a shrill voice, which made Ben and Eddie laugh a bit. Mike only looked more annoyed.

"I am not your father. I tried to convince him that it was a bad idea, but he won't listen to me. Apparently something happened to him, and he realized that he couldn't stay here anymore. At least not without going insane," Mike explained vaguely, shrugging his shoulders near the end. Ben nodded along with a thoughtful look on his face.

"Well shit, Haystack, good for you!" I cheered, putting a hand up for a high-five. Ben looked at me with a slightly unamused expression, but high-fived me anyway. I nodded enthusiastically, honestly overjoyed that someone high-fived me. No one ever does.

"Wait, wait, you're seriously running away? Where do you plan to go?" Eddie spoke up now, his voice very obviously holding nervousness. But only I'd notice something like that.

"No idea. Anywhere but here," Ben replied, shrugging roughly, which made his bag bounce against his leg. I turned to look at Eddie, my eyebrows slightly raised, as if to say 'what'ya thinkin'?' He looked back at me with an unreadable expression, then took in a deep breath and turned back to look at Ben.

"I'm running away, too, actually. I-I decided not long ago, and Richie is coming with me," Eddie explained in a rushed voice, which finally gave Mike something to react to.

"Are you all insane? Have you actually lost your minds?" He pulled his hands out of his pockets to throw them into the air, then gesture towards us. "This isn't a game, guys! This is running away! This is leaving the safety of your house, not knowing where you're going. Having little money and nowhere to stay! This is suicide!" He continued to lecture in a frantic tone, making the three of us glance at each other.

"I get it, Mike, I do. Trust me, I'd stay here if I could," Eddie spoke in the calmest voice I've heard him use in weeks. He looked exhausted, his face slack and his shoulders slumped. I wanted to reach over and comfort him, but I couldn't. We haven't told anyone about us yet, we're waiting for the best time. Or, I guess we're leaving now, so we'll tell them before we leave.

"Why can't you?" Mike asked in a firm voice, which just made Eddie shake his head slowly. I looked over, quickly recognizing the face he makes before he cries, so I attempted to fix it.

"Mike, it doesn't matter! We just need to leave. It's not our fault. And it's definitely not our fault if you decide to stay here, slowly losing your mind!" I cut in, demanding my words as if they were obvious. His gaze switched over to meet mine, his expression hard.

"I don't want to stay here, Richie! But what am I supposed to do? Just run away from the only place I have? The only place I've ever known?" He yelled back at me, making me slightly mad, but I tried to keep calm. This may be the last day we see him, I don't want to start any major fights. So I took in a deep breath, then let it out slowly.

"You know what, I'm not fighting with you, Mike. You don't have to come with us, you don't even have to approve of us doing this. You just can't stop us, so don't try," I spoke firmly before stepping around him and beginning to walk down the street.

I saw how shocked they were. I saw it, and I noticed it, because it's so different from how they normally react to me. Trashmouth Tozier actually has a brain! Or a heart, or feelings. Emotions. Shocker.

"R-Rich?" I heard Eddie call out, then footsteps approaching me at a quick pace. Before I knew it, Eddie was beside me. I then heard more footsteps behind me, which caused me to take in a deep breath and walk a bit faster. "Where are we going?"

"Bill's house," I spoke simply, which Eddie didn't protest to. We just continued to walk, until someone had to speak up, considering no one in this group is ever content with anything.

"Why would we go to Bill's house? Shouldn't we just leave?" Ben spoke up, sounding genuinely confused while asking the question. I took in a deep breath through my nose, salvaging my patience for later.

"If you want Eddie to have an asthma attack, sure." I shrugged a bit, trying to bring some humor back to myself, but sounded more rude than funny. Eddie forced out a small laugh, though, to help nudge me along.

"Bill's what started it all, guys. He's the reason we all know each other. Even if we're going over to say goodbye, we still have to go over. He's...he's our best friend," Eddie explained slowly, then shrugged with a small smile playing on his lips. Neither Ben or Mike commented on that, they just stayed silent. The rest of the walk was filled with silent conversation between Eddie and I, but nothing else. Just silence all around.

It wasn't long before we were approaching Bill's house. I saw his house nearing, which suddenly gave me a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Oh my god, he's gonna think we're fucking insane. Turn us in to the looney bin or some shit, just you wait!" I demanded as we forged on down the road, and I could see Eddie roll his eyes.

"He will not! It's Bill, he knows how crazy we are." He shrugged, then hopped up onto the curb in front of Bill's house. We all followed suit, then began to walk up his sidewalk.

"Maybe he'll come with and we can start a traveling circus!" I cheered, which made everyone let out small laughs.

"Yeah, maybe. You'll be the bearded lady, Tozier." Mike snorted, amused by himself. I rolled my eyes as Eddie and Ben laughed again.

"Ha ha, very funny," I spoke in an unamused tone as we continued down the path, soon approaching Bill's front porch. I could tell Eddie was about to speak up, but he was cut off.

"Guys!" Someone spoke in just above a whisper from behind us, making Eddie and I jump, all of us slowly turning around. It was Bill, leaning out his window a bit and looking exhausted as all hell. I smirked, ready to tell one of my more classic jokes.

"Damn, Big Bill, you look exhausted. Kinda like how I look after I'm done fucking your-" He rolled his eyes in an annoyed manner, then cut me off.

Did he just interrupt a classic mom joke of mine? And to tell me about his doorbell? How fucking rude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lame ending, but it connects well to the next chapter, Bill's.  
I'm terrible at writing Richie's POV, sorry


	9. 7»Bill Loses Another Piece

** _ Bill _ **  
** _ Saturday, August 31 _ **

_tick. tick. tick. tick._

Seconds feel like minutes. Minutes feel like hours. Hours feel like days. Days feel like _weeks_. Weeks since she left, except it hasn't even been that long. She's only been gone for a few days. She left four days ago, and Stan was the last to see her. She talked to him more than she talked to me, she fucking went to him_ instead of me_.

I want to be mad at him. I want to scream at him and hit him. I want to strangle him until he's on the verge of passing out. I want him to understand that Bev is mine. But I just can't be mad at him, I can't.

Ever since this summer, the feeling that accompanies loss has been infinitely worse. I can't physically deal with the aching pain it brings me. It's like each person that leaves was clutching onto a piece of my heart. They hold on so tight that when they leave, that piece of my heart is forced to break off and go with them. I've lost two pieces of my heart in the past month, and I just can't handle any more. I think I'll lose it completely if I do. For this reason, I can't be mad at Stan. I can't lose more pieces of my heart.

I've never been terribly close with my parents. Especially not my dad, he didn't understand Georgie and me. We were really close and we liked to do abnormal kid stuff. We made paper boats and raced them, we made our own race car tracks out of wood, we built towers out of random materials. We were as close as brothers can get, and now he's gone. My dad never liked us using his materials to build stuff, no, but he got even more mad about it when Georgie went missing. I tried to find out a plausible way for him to travel through the sewers by making models, but he wouldn't have it. It made him mad to see me doing it by myself, I think. Nonetheless, he got mad at me for it, so I stopped doing it. I've stopped doing everything.

My mom was better about it. I've always preferred my mother. She's been relatively loving throughout the process, which I'm grateful for. When Georgie went missing, it was really hard on all of us in different ways. My dad got irritable and angry, my mom got depressed and would cry constantly, and I was restless. I did everything possible to find him while my parents stayed at home and jumped the wagon on mourning. It angered me at the time, but I can't blame them. Part of me thinks my life would've been better if I'd just mourned with them.

I don't regret hunting down Pennywise and figuring out the truth. I don't regret discovering my dead brother, floating in the sewers, courtesy of a demonic clown. I don't regret anything that happened this summer, not at all. The only thing I regret is sending Georgie out with that boat. It's my fault he's dead.

"It's not your fault, Bill. How could you have known that would happen?" I remember Stan saying the first time I voiced this to him. It comes full circle, doesn't it? I can't be mad at Stan, he's my best friend.

In the past twenty-four hours, I've gone through a roller coaster of emotions. I've been mad, sad, annoyed, happy, everything you can think of. Mad at Stan, sad over Georgie and Bev, annoyed at my dad, happy when hanging out with the Losers. And a second sad, which is right this second.

"M-Mom, why ca-an't we k-k-keep his s-st-stuff?" I asked quietly, not having the energy to be mad. I'm just sad and tired. Exhausted, more like, and I can't handle the negative emotions anymore. It took my mom longer than usual to answer me, which made my cheeks redden a bit.

"Why is your stutter so bad lately, Bill?" Was her answer, making a wave of anger wash over me. But that's all that it was; a wave. It came and it wreaked havoc as it did, but it was gone quite quickly. That same empty feeling returned, making my shoulders slump even more.

"I-I don't kn-know," I said simply, which she nodded at. My jaw clenched a little, a numb feeling of annoyance finally filling my bones. "Why c-c-can't we keep his s-stuff?" I insisted on knowing, watching her as she emptied his bookshelf into a box. She sighed deeply, finally looking back at me.

"Because, Bill, he's gone. He's not coming back, and keeping his stuff won't help us move on," she explained vaguely, but it was enough for all of my past anger to come back. It gave me no time to prepare, either, it all came back at once. Engulfed me, twisting and coiling around my lungs until I could no longer force any air out or in. I couldn't decide whether I was mad or just in pain; my heart aching as if I'd just been stabbed a dozen times. My heart felt compressed and shriveled, as if someone had their hand firmly wrapped around it and was squeezing. Squeezing out every last drop of blood, leaving it empty and begging for mercy.

"We sh-shouldn't move on!" I suddenly yelled loudly, startling her enough for her to drop a picture frame. She picked it up, examining the large crack that traveled down the middle of the glass. She then looked up at me with an angry expression.

"Now that is enough, William. You've been acting like this for far too long. I need you to listen to me," she ordered, standing up to full height. She looked down at me with a hard expression, but I gave one back, my jaw clenched tightly. "George is _gone_. He has been gone for months and I'm sick of this behavior. I tried to be understanding of how you lost your best friend, but I lost someone, too! He's not coming back, would you just move on already?" She yelled, and I couldn't even be mad anymore, no matter how much my blood boiled at her words.

Instead, I started to cry. My eyes swelled with tears and I felt instantly sick to my stomach. She kept her stern demeanor as mine slowly crumbled. She watched me decompress, my body slumping and my eyes slowly letting out more and more tears. She just watched, her face never softening. Her arms never reaching to my aid. Her reassuring words never showing, and her harsh ones lingering.

I cried until I couldn't breathe again. I cried until my body lost all feeling and I was suddenly a hollow shell, standing in front of my mother. My tears slowed as my body emptied itself of life, or at least that's how it felt. My tears stopped as my heart shattered more, leaving only five more pieces. And my legs backed me out of the room as I lost another piece of myself.

If my mom wants to be like this and push away her last son, then so be it. I'll give her what she wants. Then she can cry as much as I have.

I walked into my room, slamming the door shut behind me. My chest heaved as my breathing was heavy, much too fast and deep. My hands knew what they were doing before my brain did as I picked out a bag and began to stuff clothes inside. I fit in as much as I possibly could, then walked to my dresser and stared at my framed pictures. I grabbed all of them, walking to my bed and fanning them out.

The first is a picture of Georgie and I on one of our summer trips. He's smiling so bright, I'm smiling so bright, and I just wish we could go back to these days. Sure, I was getting bullied. I didn't know Beverly, along with Ben and Mike, but at least I was happy. At least I could make it through a day without crying, or even frowning at times. Georgie and the Losers kept me happy, they kept me sane in an otherwise fucked up life. I'd give anything to go back. So, as a token of hope in this miserable situation, I open the picture frame and take the picture out. I carefully put it in my bag, motivation to try and get to that place again. A place without monsters and tears.

The second photo is a family photo. As much as I want to hate my parents, I don't. I take this picture with me as a reminder that they're still my parents, no matter how shitty they may occasionally make me feel. No matter how rough things get, they'll be here for me, even if not at first. I can always come home if need be, and this is my way of remembering.

The next picture isn't even a picture at all. It's quite shamefully, a drawing. A portrait I drew of Bev, considering I have no pictures of her. The details are admittedly very good, but there's something about it that I've never liked. Maybe it's just the fact that it's a drawing, not a picture. I open the frame and slide the drawing out, but quickly turn to place it in my garbage can. I'm determined to get a real picture of her someday, so I won't be needing this. It only gives me more of an excuse to be sad, anyway.

And lastly, a picture of Richie, Stan, Eddie, and me. I don't remember exactly why this was taken, but we all seem happy enough. Big smiles on Richie, Eddie, and I's faces. A small one on Stan's, of course. We're sat in my house, but I have no idea what's going on. Maybe my mom was just in a documenting type mood that day. Either way, it's a nice picture, one I don't see myself getting rid of. I'll miss the Losers the most, I believe. I add that to my bag and nod in satisfaction.

I can't think of much else to bring, which makes me incredibly nervous, but nothing else seems to be a necessity. Stuff like my sketch pad and pens just aren't my top priority, no matter how much I wish they were. Top priority right now seems to be money, which makes everything else seem like nothing. Money is important and very hard to come by, especially at fourteen. I'll focus on that last.

I continue to think hard for a long few minutes. I soon smiled to myself before walking to my door and opening it slowly, doing everything possible to be silent in my movements. I crept through the hallway and to the door that leads to our garage, giving it the same treatment I gave to my door. Once safely into the garage, I started rummaging around in my dad's tools. It was a solid minute of searching before I puffed out a breath of frustration, unable to find anything useful. I glanced around his table, trying to spot anything even half worth taking. I wasn't even sure what I was looking for until I saw a black, yellow, and silver handle on the table. I picked it up slowly, remembering all the warnings my father would give Georgie and I about how dangerous it is. '_Utilities knives aren't toys!_'

I examined the handle in great detail, finding the lever and slowly pushing the small blade out. When out, the blade looks like half of a triangle, which somehow makes it look even more menacing. Almost like you haven't unlocked it's full potential, even though you're fully aware that you have. It runs a chill up my spine, but I just push the blade back down into the handle and step away from the table.

After tiptoeing my way back into my room, I stuff the knife into my bag with a sigh. Other than what I have, all I can think to bring is a jacket and money. I quickly get a sweatshirt out of my closet, making sure it's my warmest one, then sigh once again. I'm probably insane for wanting to run away, and I know that, but I can't stay in this house. I can't legally move out until I'm eighteen, and I refuse to wait four more years. I can't live in this house, with my newly cynical parents and my brother's empty bedroom. I just can't.

I took in a deep breath, not letting it out for as long as possible, out of pure fear that I wouldn't get more air after this breath. But I did, and it's the only reason I was able to sneak right into my parents bedroom without totally losing my shit. I could still hear my mom rummaging around in Georgie's room, and my dad is at work. I'm in the clear, I just have to hurry.

I searched for a solid five minutes before _finally _finding my mom's wallet, hidden in her dresser. I pulled it out and only found ninety dollars, making me curse to myself. I kept rummaging around in their dressers and their cabinets, even checking under their bed and mattress. I finally reached the closet, now getting paranoid that my mom would hear me and come to see what I was doing. I started to hurry, but it made everything louder, and I only panicked more. I started to hyperventilate, my eyes searching frantically around the closet. I looked up onto the shelf, spotting a box that had latches on it. Without contemplating it much, I took it down and opened it in a hurry. My eyes widened a little at the amount of money inside of it; it must've been hundreds. Why would they have so much money? And why would they keep it all in this box, not a bank? Nonetheless, I took a few stacks of money, deciding leaving them at least a few was a good idea. They don't need all of this money, anyway, right? With no children to look after anymore.

I closed and latched the box, putting it exactly where it was before leaving and walking into my room. I stuffed the money into my bag, making sure it's in the very bottom, covered by all of my clothes. I took in a deep breath, looking around my room once more. I suddenly laughed to myself when deciding I should probably bring my toothbrush, right? Wherever I end up, hygiene is key. So I went and got my toothbrush, also grabbing a plastic baggy to put it into. I feel almost silly for caring, but I've always been one to panic over my hygiene. Not as much as Eddie or Stan, of course, but I still worry over certain things.

I looked at my bag for a long while, deciding if I truly wanted to do this. There's so many things that could go wrong, but when thinking about staying here, I feel like throwing up. I think I'd much rather take my chances out there than lose my sanity in this house. That being said, I found my sketchbook that I sadly will not be bringing, and opened it to a blank page. I was about to grab the black colored pencil, but something stopped me. I'm leaving them, but they aren't the initial reason for me to leave. I'm leaving because _IT_ took my little brother and killed him, putting me through more hell than most people will ever experience in their entire lifetime. I have to hint that I'm not leaving because of them. Even if they won't understand, I will. And that will appease my mind later on, when I think about my parents again.

So, instead, I reached for the red colored pencil with a shaky hand and brought it to the paper. I took in a deep breath, and after staring at the paper for a moment, I simply wrote:

_'Mom,_  
_Dad,_

_I'm sorry. I love you both so much but there's no longer anything for me here._  
_Goodbye, I hope to see you again someday._

_Love always,_  
_Your son,_  
_Bill'_

It seems slightly cheesy, and overzealous, but I don't want to explain myself at all. They don't need to know where I am, or what I'm doing, just that I'm ok and this was on purpose. And that I'll always love them, no matter what happens. That's all that matters.

I left the sketchbook in the middle of my bed, then stood up and examined it properly. The red pencil is giving me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, so I turn away.

I sighed deeply once more, and I was about to pick up my bag, when I spotted movement out of the corner of my eye. My head snapped over to my window, where I saw the Losers approaching my house. I panicked, immediately running over to my window and pulling it open.

"Guys!" I spoke just loud enough to catch their attention. Ben was last in line, trailing behind the others while hauling a blue duffel bag along on his shoulder. They all jumped, obviously startled by my sudden voice. Ben turned around first, but the others got to it quickly. They all examined me, Richie soon gaining a small smirk.

"Damn, Big Bill, you look exhausted. Kinda like how I look after I'm done fucking your-" But I rolled my eyes, cutting him off quickly.

"Would you sh-shut up? Guys, you c-can't ring m-my doorb-bell," I ordered in a firm voice, making them simultaneously furrow their eyebrows. They walked to my window, Richie now in the back, also being squished against a bush. I held in a laugh as he complained to himself, calling the bush a 'prickly piece of shit'. I smiled lightly, turning to look at everyone else and quickly losing my smile. "Where's St-Stan?"

"Haven't seen him," Mike answered simply, shrugging his shoulders up and down. I only nodded, still unable to push my frown away. I don't know what's wrong with me lately, I've just been so eager to please Stan. Maybe it's because I'm scared he'll steal my unofficial girlfriend from me, and I want to stay on his good side to minimize the chance. Or maybe it's just because I care too much about him to risk losing him. Probably both, since he's been distant lately.

"W-Well, why d-d-do you h-have a bag?" I asked next, examining the bag Ben had. He followed my gaze, as did everyone else. We all looked at his bag for a second, until he looked back up at me with squinted eyes, battling the sun.

"I think I'm..." he hesitated, shifting a bit on his feet, "running away." He spoke slowly, and he must've seen my shocked expression, because he immediately started explaining himself. "B-But so are Richie and Eddie! Mike thinks we're insane, but that's nothing new," he explained, making me laugh as I looked over to Mike. He had a thoughtful expression on, nodding his head for a minute, as if to say 'very true'.

"Eddie's the insane one, actually, I'm just here because I have nowhere better to be," Richie started talking in a nonchalant tone, once again making everyone roll their eyes. Eddie punched his arm, glaring at him.

"Nice try, Tozier," he retorted, crossing his arms over his chest, making Richie snicker lightly. We all ignored the exchange, as we always do. This happens too often to acknowledge anymore.

"Well," I started, turning around and walking to my bed, picking up my very heavy bag, and holding it up to them, "m-mind if I join y-you?" I gave a side smile, making Ben and Eddie's eyes widen. Mike just looked done with our shit, whilst Richie had a smug smile on his face.

"Big Bill, at it again. C'mon, let's go find Stanley," Richie said his name in a sophisticated tone of voice, making me roll my eyes again. I climbed out my window, closing it behind me. I looked inside for a moment, giving a sort of silent goodbye. "Stop with the nostalgia, Bill! Let's go!" Richie yelled from the road, making me sigh and turn around, giving him a blank look, but walking to join him on the street.

After walking a few blocks in silence, Mike spoke up. "Hey, guys, he's over there. On his daily walks," he spoke in a mocking tone, making Richie let out a large laugh. Ben rolled his eyes, looking over to where Stan stood.

"Stan!" He yelled, but Stan seemed to be in some daze, not even looking up from the road. Ben shrugged at us. "I tried," he said simply, making me huff lightly and turn towards Stan, cupping my hands around my mouth.

"Stan!" I tried, but he still didn't falter, his footsteps keeping steady. I huffed again, which they all seemed to notice. I'm on edge most of the time lately, but they're still not used to it. I think it gives Eddie anxiety, which I feel bad about, but I can't help it. Whenever something doesn't go my way lately, I just get angry. I wish I didn't but sadly, I do. Little stuff like Stan ignoring me as I call his name? That's what bothers me. Stupid little things.

"C'mon, Stanley!" Richie yelled in his direction, simultaneously pushing his glances higher up on his nose. I held in a laugh, honestly. What makes Richie think he can persuade Stan any better than I can?

That's when my patience was tested even more, because Stan actually stopped. He stopped walking and turned to look at us, examining us all in detail. It took him a minute, but he finally started walking towards us. The only thing keeping me sane right now, in all honesty, is the thought that maybe, _just maybe_, he got annoyed at our yells and decided to give in. It had nothing against me, and nothing to do with Richie, he was just annoyed. That's all. Just annoyed.

As Stan approached, he kept looking at Richie, and it just made my blood boil more. I almost didn't make it through that discussion, that's all I can say. My patience was so thin, I'd went through so much confusion and loss, and it just kept getting worse. Only Lord knows how I had the strength to push through and not slug Stan right in the face, simply to release my anger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty good chapter tbh so that's cool.  
Next chapter is Stan!  
The last Losers chapter before we go back to Hawkins and check in on Bev!!  
Ugh I love this story so much.
> 
> Feedback is appreciated!  
Thanks kids.  
Ily all!  
-Apple


	10. 8»Stan Takes a Walk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
Sorry it took me so long to update omg I literally haven't updated since Christmas yikes  
I've recently started improving both my physical and mental health, so I'm slowly getting back into writing.  
I should be updating more often now!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter(:

** _ Stan _ **  
** _ Saturday, August 31 _ **

Forty-three blocks. One hour, twenty-nine minutes. Leave at four o'clock p.m. Return at five twenty-nine p.m. That's exactly eighty-nine minutes. Exactly five thousand, three hundred and forty seconds, give or take a few depending on the day.

I've been taking walks every day for the last two weeks. At first, it was just to clear my head. To escape my home and be alone for a short period of time. I had no time limit, I had no set number, I just walked. I walked and I walked. I never got interrupted. I never panicked about being home, how many steps I was taking, how many breaths I took in a minute, how many times my heart beat and if it was normal. I just walked.

That got too comfortable too fast, apparently. It wasn't long before I was keeping track of which streets I went down. Then I started keeping track of just how many blocks I was walking. That wasn't too bad, it was still free in comparison to everything else in my life.

I was walking when Bev came to say goodbye. I had just counted twenty-six blocks.

"Hey, Stan! Stan!" Someone was suddenly yelling from behind me. A subconscious part of me knew that it was Bev, but that part was buried. Buried deep.

I walked until I was standing directly next to the street sign, lining my feet up next to it before turning around. I stood up straight, watching as Bev ran up to me. It was a weird sight at first, I remember being confused. Then I became fully aware once again, and I really took in the sight. Beverly Marsh was only ten feet in front of me and approaching fast. I tried to smile.

"Hey, Stan, didn't expect to see you out here! I was on my way to your house," she seemed so happy, so full of life. Almost like she wasn't just harassed by a clown, and almost like she wasn't moving away the next morning. Bev always managed to see the brighter side, no matter what she was looking at. I envied it. I _envy_ it.

"Just on a walk," was my reply, which was such a lie. I was in the process of creating what would later become my downfall. I didn't know that, though.

"A walk? Hey, suit yourself. I was just coming to say goodbye. I'm leaving early tomorrow morning." She smiled her vibrant smile, and I remember being confused again. Confused as to why I didn't find her as attractive as everyone else did. Of course she's attractive, she's insanely pretty, but I wouldn't want to be more than friends. In fact, my stomach churns at the thought. I stared at her and that's all I could think of; how I'll never want to be with her.

We finished the conversation quick. It was quick, yes, but not quick enough. My walk suddenly felt too long, and I suddenly felt panicked. I didn't have a set time to be home, no, but after that incident? I did.

My walk the next day was a lot more timed. A lot more methodical. I left at four and I planned to get home at five-thirty. Of course that didn't happen, of course Bev just so happened to still be home.

I originally glanced at her car, said a silent goodbye in my head, then kept walking. I planned to continue and finish my walk, but of course that didn't happen. Of course not.

I looked forward once more, and there he was. Of course Richie Tozier would show up right now. _Of fucking course_ I'd be reminded of the exact reason I'm on these damn walks.

How do you admit to yourself that you like Richie "Trashmouth" Tozier? Better yet, how do you admit to yourself that you like a_ boy_? No one likes boys around here and if you do, you're Eddie Kaspbrak.  
(Not literally. I have no idea if Eddie likes boys, but he practically sits on Richie and Bill's laps without _actually_ sitting on them. It's nauseating.)

My parents would flip their shit if they knew. I'm supposed to be their perfect Jewish son, but that'll never happen. They know it won't, but they still try. They still tell me all sorts of stuff, including how being a homosexual is a sin. My overactive mind can't take it.

I started taking walks to clear my head. To get away from my parents and to be alone.To think about Richie without having to look at him.

Richie is just about the most annoying person I've ever met. He's inappropriate, rude, and he doesn't know when to shut up. He insults all of us, he makes fun of me whenever he possibly can. He teases me for my OCD, he teases me for my inevitable religious tendencies. He teases me for everything, and I really should be tired of it.

But every time I roll my eyes, every time I give a snarky remark back...I'm melting on the inside. And I don't even know why I'm melting! I used to fume, I used to imagine punching him in the face. I used to hate him. That's the issue; I _used to_ hate him.

I love everything about him, which sucks most. His hair is the perfect mix of straight and wavy, and it curls when it's wet. His glasses make his eyes huge, which I love to tease him about, but I think it's secretly a blessing. I could look at his eyes all day, they're the perfect shade of brown. He does these _awful_ impressions, but he thinks they're so good, and you can't help but agree. You can't help but tell him he's good just so you can see him smile.

That smile. Don't get me started on his smile, it must've been handcrafted by God himself. And I wish I was being over dramatic. I'm not, Richie himself must've been handcrafted by God. Or HaShem, I guess. My father would be mad at me for simply saying "God"...

Anyway, back to Richie. I'd rather think about Richie than my religion, which is just downright scary.

So, when I spotted him and Eddie on their bikes, rounding a corner and coming my way, I panicked. I couldn't face him right then, especially not with Eddie around. Watching them interact is like watching The Breakfast Club. They get into arguments constantly, but it looks like they're about to pounce on each other. It would probably be less disgusting if I wasn't helplessly attracted to Richie.

I looked around, and in a blind state of panic, I rushed towards Bev's car. I don't know what I was doing, I just needed to get away from Richie. I remember cursing myself and stopping short, leaning against the building and praying no one noticed me. But of course Bev's aunt noticed me, why wouldn't she? My luck has never included the word "good".

"Excuse me, do you need something?" She asked from the car, making me look over at her. She didn't look much like Bev, besides her red-orange hair and blue eyes, but she looked close enough. Enough to make me believe they were related, if that makes any sense at all. I don't remember the woman much, I was too set on avoiding the attention of a specifically annoying boy(who was, at that point, just about to go past me on the road). I do remember how fake she sounded, though. How she sounded nice but it was obviously fake, she was obviously annoyed by my presence. She wanted me to leave, I knew it, but there was no way I was going to.

"Uh, y-yeah, I'm here to say bye. T-To Beverly," I rushed out, trying to smile at the woman. I was stuttering, and I remember feeling so foolish. I stutter when I'm nervous, I always have, and I hate it. Bill enjoys it, but that's only because it makes him feel less alone. I understand that, and it's the only time I don't feel silly for stuttering. Bill can cheer you up about everything, he always finds a way.

I talked to Bev and actually ended up enjoying it. Well, I at least left with a small smile on my face. I didn't regret talking to her, I didn't regret taking a break from the walk.

Now, I walk for my disorder. I walk because my brain can't function without it. I walk exactly forty-three blocks, only on the left side of the road. It takes me exactly one hour and twenty-nine minutes. I walk once a day, taking precisely eighty-nine minutes, leaving my door at exactly four o'clock p.m., arriving back on my doorstep at exactly five twenty-nine p.m. Having took five thousand, three hundred and forty seconds, give or take, I'm able to relax. It has to follow those guidelines. It _has_ _to_.

"Stanley, where are you off to every day?" My mother asks now. I stop my thought process, looking up at her with wide, shocked eyes. They've never asked that before, they've just watched me go and let it happen. They probably assumed I was going out to hang out with my friends, but I was doing the exact opposite. I was going out to be by myself, to give in to my mind. To comply to the disorder that haunts my every move.

"I just go out, nowhere specific," was my simple answer. Everything is simple with me. Everyone gets the simple side of my mind simply because I don't have the energy to use more of my overactive side. I use it twenty-four-seven, you just can't tell. I'm using the complicated side of my mind for everything I do, I don't have time to use it on daily conversation. It's easier to just sound mad all the time.

"Well, be home earlier today. School's just started, I want you to stay caught up," she ordered, and I nodded in response. I walked to the door in a hurry, noticing how I only have one minute until I need to leave. I won't actually be home earlier, and I think she knows that. I just need to agree and keep walking.

My walk started out fine. I walked and I tried to focus simply on that. But my mind started to shift to Richie, as it always does.

I know it's hopeless. I know he'll never look at me in the same way that I look at him. I know that, but I can't help but imagine it. Imagine him smiling at me, smiling _for_ me. Imagine his big, brown eyes scrunching up at the sides. His cheeks get fuller, chubbier when he smiles, and I want to see them in result to me. I want him to look at me and smile that big, goofy smile. I want to be his reason, but I know I'm not. I know I'm not why he gets up every morning, or why he deals with the shit his parents put him through. I know I'm not his go-to, and he'd rather go straight to literally anyone else before he'd go to me. Hell, he'd approach a stranger before he'd approach me.

What am I supposed to do? I have the rest of my school career to fall deeper for Richie and I don't want this to turn into love. I'm clinging on to the last string of hope that it's still a crush, a dumb crush. It's still puppy love and I won't let it get worse. It can't get worse.

"Stan!" Someone yelled from down the road. It came from a road I don't walk down, and I have no intentions to turn now. I'm only twelve blocks in, I have too many more to go and so little time.

"Stan!" Another voice yelled. They were different, but my mind is too foggy to distinguish who is who. I know it's at least some of my friends, but I don't have the energy to see or talk to them. I just need to finish my walk.

"C'mon, Stanley!" A final voice yelled. Now _that_ voice, I can't ignore. I stopped dead, turning to look down the street. I was right, it's the remaining five Losers, but some of them have bags. Why would they have bags?

Out of pure curiosity, I walked towards the group, trying to make my expression neutral as I got close enough to fully examine Richie's eyes. They sparkled in the sunlight, as always, looking a lighter brown than usual. A goofy smile spread across his face.

"Stan the Jewish Man, how's your walk going?" He teased, his voice holding a fake posh tone to it. I did my best to roll my eyes, turning to look at Bill, seeing as he was one of the ones holding a bag.

"Why do you guys have bags?" I asked simply, my eyebrows furrowed. Bill let out a deep breath, glancing around at everyone. He then turned back to me, his blue eyes holding fear, but I saw something else dissipating within them: anger.

"St-Stan, you...you wanna ru-run aw-w-way?" He forced out, his nerves making him stutter a bit more than normal. Run away? Wow, running away sounds amazing. Being away from Richie so I can get over him? Forever?

"We're all running away, together. Well, besides Mike, so far, but we're working on convincing him," Ben spoke up, making my face drop. Of course, why would I be so stupid as to think I'd escape this living hell?

"Is that a good idea? We don't even have any money, and where will we go?" I spoke up, being the only logical one, as usual. They all glanced at each other, Richie being the one to shrug, even if Bill was the one to show a guilty expression.

"I'll just take all of my mom's money. And it doesn't really matter where we go, we just need to go. Eddie can't stay here anymore, and apparently no one else can. You coming or what?"

Of course, I get it. _Eddie_ can't stay here anymore, so Richie is willing to steal his parents' money and run away with him. Yeah, I should've known. Happily ever fucking after.

"I don't know, I don't trust it. We have to know where we're going. And what about Bev? What if she does come back?" Now I'm just looking for reasons to not run away with the group that includes Richie Tozier.

"Bev isn't coming back," Ben stated in a bored tone of voice, which made me frown. I feel bad for Ben, mostly because I know how he feels. Bev loves Bill, and Ben is left to watch it happen. Richie obviously loves Eddie, and I'm forced to watch it go down. Only difference is that Eddie is here and Bev isn't.

"We could go to Bev and get her," Eddie chimes in. I want to shut him down and say that's a dumb idea, but it's not. I just don't like him because he stole Richie's heart before I even had a chance. Not that I'd have a chance either way, but I can dream.

"Can you? You don't even know where she is," Mike spoke up, the voice of reason. I held a finger up, making them look at me.

"She's in Indiana. Not sure where, but she's in Indiana," I informed, making both Bill and Ben's heads snap over to me. I put my hands up in a surrendering manner, my eyes wide. I looked around at everyone else, everyone unfazed, except Richie. He looked at me with quizzical eyes, which both scared and annoyed me. But we both snapped out of it when Bill spoke up, catching my attention once more.

"H-How do you kn-know th-th-that?" Bill sounded some measure of mad, making my eyebrows raise even more.

"Chill out, guys, she told me. I was walking past her building before she left and I went to say goodbye. You know that much, since I told you. She mentioned Indiana, and that she didn't remember where. That's all she said, don't hit me." I kept my hands up, a silent plea for mercy. They slowly backed off, probably not even realizing how heated they both got.

"Why didn't you tell us that when you mentioned she's not coming back? That's useful information," Ben snapped at me, and I rolled my eyes again.

"Yeah, useful information. It only became useful the second you idiots decided to run away. You're all insane," I grumbled angrily, making a few people get shocked expressions. I'm usually a pretty held back, no emotion kind of guy. Everything's just getting to be too much lately, I can't keep my composure as well. It was silent for a good minute before Richie inevitably spoke up.

"Shit, Stanley, looks like you need to run away, as well," is all he said, though, making me look over at him. He had a small smirk on his lips, his eyes lidded in self-congratulations at that clever one-liner. I wanted to grimace, but I didn't have it in me, he's too beautiful.

I rolled my eyes for the hundredth time, though, shifting on my feet and glancing around at the group. I sighed deeply, standing up straighter.

"We're gonna need a plan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was very hard to write.  
OCD is very hard to write.
> 
> Poor Stan.  
Just wants Richie to looove him.
> 
> Thoughts on the chap?  
-Apple


	11. 9»Beverly Confuses Herself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made that manip and it's so bad I💀
> 
> Double update! Enjoy

** _ Beverly _ **  
** _ Friday, August 30 _ **

I don't know how I made friends so easily, but it happened. I didn't expect anyone to approach me like they did, I'm honestly surprised by how forward they are. I'm normally the forward one, just because I'd be a loner if I wasn't. But both Max and Will had the courage to approach me, which makes my life ten times easier, thank god.

I could tell some of them were still a little hesitant about my presence, but I hope that'll change quick. I'm going to do everything in my power to keep these friends around, considering how fast I lost the Losers. I hope I can _physically_ keep them around, as well. What if they end up not liking my personality? Or what if I'm way too poor or some shit? I don't know these people, they seem both humble and not, depending on the person you talk to. Although, it is too soon to judge or determine, so I'll try to hold back. After years of getting assumptions thrown at your face, it's hard not to reciprocate.

As of right now, school is about to end. My final class is science. Well, biology, to be exact. If I had to choose my least favorite subject, it would definitely be science. The premise of the whole subject just bothers me after everything that's happened, which makes it hard for me to even listen during class. Biology is the worst field, too, talking about living creatures. About what makes a creature living and what doesn't. Everything about science tells me that Pennywise wasn't real, but we all know he was. It's degrading, it makes me feel like a fool when I know I'm not. I wish there was a way to get out of it each day, but I can't do that without getting into major trouble. I can't afford that, especially now that I'm with Aunt Gwen. She's relatively chill, but I know she'll set me straight if I step out of line.

When the bell rang, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and set my pencil down. Or, more like slammed it down onto my notebook, but I didn't mean for it to seem so violent. Of course, though, it did seem violent, catching the attention of Dustin. Him and Lucas are the only one's I haven't properly spoken to yesterday or today, so I get slightly nervous when he turns around to look at me. I look up and into his bright blue eyes, seeing how warm and welcoming they are. It calms me down immediately, which is quite odd, but I choose to ignore it, like I ignore every other emotion I have lately. He smiles wide, causing the sides of my mouth to twitch a bit. Without meaning to, a sweet smile forms on my face, which has me internally panicking, but I ignore it. Again.

"Hey, you ok?" He finally speaks, and I see everyone leaving the room in my peripheral vision. I just continue to smile ahead at Dustin, relatively shocked by my current behavior. Never in my entire life have I willingly stayed in school longer than what was required. What's gotten into me lately?

"Yeah, I'm ok, this subject just..." I nodded lightly then looked down at my textbook in thought, now shaking my head. "It's difficult for me," I stated simply, looking back up at him, now without my smile. He lost half of his smile, obviously trying not to frown. I shrugged a little, then began to pack my stuff into my bag. "I'm ok, though, don't worry about me," I spoke in a dismissive tone, which he seemed to pick up on. He shook his head as I stood up, rushing to stuff his things into his backpack. I smiled to myself as I headed towards the exit of the classroom, hearing his urgency behind me. As I was getting close to the door, I heard heavy footsteps approaching me.

"Wait, Beverly-I mean, Bev," he slipped, then corrected himself, making me shake my head lightly, attempting to push the smile off of my face. I stopped in the doorway, leaning against the frame and waiting for him to catch up. When he did, he stood in the doorway for a second, then seemed to realize how close we were standing, causing him to step out and into the hallway. He was obviously quite flustered, pushing his backpack further up his shoulder and blinking slightly rapidly.

"Yes, Dustin?" I encouraged, causing him to open and close his mouth a few times, barely any sound coming out. I raised my eyebrows at him, my smile slowly coming back. He let out a nervous laugh, then stood up straighter.

"I was just going to offer to help you out. You know...in biology. It's my best subject, and you're obviously having trouble, so I figured I'd offer my wisdom." He bowed a bit for performance, and I found myself laughing in an endearing tone at his antics. It was troublesome, along with all of my behavior, considering how I'd normally roll my eyes at stuff like that. There's something about Dustin that makes me smile, and want to enjoy life. I'm not sure what part of me that is, or how demanding it may become, but that doesn't matter right now. All that matters is the adorable boy in front of me, offering me biology lessons, waiting for an answer.

"I'd like that, Dustin. Thank you," I still spoke in the same tone, sounding sweet and endearing. It made him smile even wider, forcing me to do the same. He began to speak again, and I really focused on his voice for the first time. His slight lisp is undeniably adorable, making my smile grow.

"Awesome! I-I was actually wondering if you could come ov-" he started to suggest something, no doubt inviting me over to his house, but then was cut off by a loud voice.

"Henderson! What're you doing? We always meet by the picnic tables after school, you know this!" A familiar voice was yelling as they came down the hallway, making me step out of the doorway and turn to look at them. I came face to face with Max, making her stop in her tracks. She looked between us for a second before gaining a small smile. "Oh, this is gold." She laughed, which made me adjust the strap of my bag self consciously. She continued to laugh as Dustin joined my side, rolling his eyes dramatically.

"Shut it, Max, we were just talking," he grumbled under his breath, making me glance over at him. I was a bit confused, to be honest. I must've been misreading his behavior, because I could've sworn he was in a relationship with Max. That's another reason why I ignored all of my weird feelings. I didn't want to be on bad terms with Max at all, she's the only other girl. And the first friend I've ever had that's female.

"Oh, it sure looked like it. Don't worry, I'll keep your little meeting to myself," she continued to tease, then spun on her heel, her long hair flipping dramatically around her neck. "This way, Beverly!" She cheered, then hurried down the hallway and away from us. I immediately looked back over at Dustin, where he gave me an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, Max is a little animated. We should join the others," he offered, which I nodded in agreement to, making him start down the hall. I followed along, walking next to him in silence for a minute before slowly speaking up.

"I'm sorry, maybe it was just me, but before all this, you gave me the impression that you were dating Max..." I trailed off, talking quieter in case I was crossing any lines. He didn't have much of a reaction, but I noticed his mouth start to turn down in a frown. Before I could get a good look, he corrected it, forcing out a laugh and shaking his head.

"No way, she's with Lucas," was his only reply, and I sensed an uptight undertone to his words, which I ignored. I'm not in the group enough to get into their personal lives.

"Alright, sorry, didn't mean to assume. What were you going to ask before she interrupted us?" I asked, attempting to change the subject, but this just caused him to shake his head, unable to deny his frown anymore.

"It's not important, forget I said anything," he replied shortly, then pushed open a heavy metal door. It lead out onto the front lawn, but I almost didn't go with him. I messed something up, I can tell. What if he doesn't want me in the group anymore? What if ruined everything already? "Bev? You coming?" His voice pierced through my thoughts, cutting them off completely. I looked up at him, noticing how he had the door held open for me while I stood in the hall like an idiot. "Are you ok?"

_No_.

"Yeah, sorry," I forced out, swallowing a lump in my throat, then hurried out the door. I immediately looked around a bunch, just wanting something else to focus on, soon spotting the table with everyone crowded around it. Will spotted me first, waving enthusiastically as I approached them. It was my instinct to walk ahead without Dustin and join the group, but I couldn't physically do it. I don't know what happened back there, but I now feel a connection of sorts to Dustin, and I can't just ditch him. Or act like I don't feel anything. So I stopped, turning to smile lightly at Dustin, urging him closer by raising my eyebrows at him. "Come on, study buddy, let's go!" I laughed a bit, trying to shake any awkwardness away from in between us. Trying to be normal. He smiled lightly back, hurrying to catch up.

"Study buddy, huh?" I heard Max speak up in a mocking tone, obviously hearing what I called him. I looked back towards the table and rolled my eyes at her, plopping down on the bench next to Mike. He turned to smile at me, which I returned, brushing my hair out of my face.

"Bev is having trouble in biology, and it's my best subject, so I offered to help her out. It's no big deal." Dustin shrugged, and I watched all of his friends giggle and nudge each other. I rolled my eyes again, clearing my throat a bit.

"Guys, I actually do suck at biology. It's the only class I'm getting a C in, so I really need to pull my grade up," I over explained, hoping it would make them believe us. Max still held a smug expression, but everyone nodded a bit.

"Anyway, Bev, do you wanna hang out with us at Mike's house today? We could show you Dungeons and Dragons," Will offered enthusiastically, everyone nodding along with him and turning to me with expectant eyes. I took in a deep breath and shrugged a little.

"Sure, why not?" I gave them a light smile, nodding my head only slightly. Honestly, I'm terrified to hang out with them. I'm also terrified to go into a boy's house, the first time I've ever done it, but that's not as bad. I'm really just scared that we'll hang out and they'll realize they don't want me around. I couldn't handle that, I know no one else in the school will befriend me. Everyone else seems rightfully awful, and definitely unaccepting of a loser like me.

Nonetheless, we all got up, and I followed them to where their bikes are parked. They all climbed onto their specified bike, except Max, who had her skateboard. They all looked at me, Lucas being the first to furrow his eyebrows and speak up.

"Where's your bike?" He asked, examining me as I started to fiddle with my own fingers, glancing around at everyone. "You have a bike, don't you?"

"Uh, my...my aunt got rid of it when we moved. There wasn't enough room in her car.," I explained vaguely, and they all raised their eyebrows in surprise at me. I shifted on my feet, uncomfortable under the heat of five pairs of eyes. Soon, though, Will spoke up, saving my ass once again.

"Hey, that's cool. Just ride on the back of Mike's bike for now, and we'll figure something out," he offered, smiling widely at me. I caught a glimpse of worry cross his face, but I tried not to think about it. I looked over at Mike, who had slightly wide eyes. I shrugged a bit, walking forward and swinging my leg over the seat behind Mike. I positioned myself properly before resting my hands on his shoulders, feeling how tense he was. It was cute, but I decided to distract him instead of just letting him sit there, afraid I'd get any wrong ideas.

"Fun fact, guys, where I came from, I had a friend named Mike," I spoke up to everyone, and lots of them just nodded, kinda ignoring me. Will looked interested but obviously couldn't find a good reply, considering everyone was already leaving the school parking lot. Mike was the only one to fully answer, which makes sense, since he's literally right in front of me.

"Really? That's cool, I've never actually met another Mike." He laughed a bit as he followed his friends, nodding a little. "Was he at least into Star Wars?" He questioned, sounding dead serious in his words. I laughed a bit, shrugging behind him, which I knew he felt. His shoulders scrunched up for a second before relaxing again.

"I'm not sure, I never asked. We didn't spend too much time talking about stuff like that," I replied nonchalantly, but I noticed his change in mood immediately, which made me regret it.

"Why not? Isn't favorite movies and stuff kinda just a natural thing to talk about with your friends?" He asked, his voice now smaller so his friends didn't fully hear. I took in a deep breath, trying to think of an excuse, any excuse.

"Yeah, we just...we weren't like that. I only saw him at school." My words sounded hesitant, considering it was a big fat lie, which I'm positive he picked up on. But he chose to ignore it, which I was thankful for.

"Ok," he replied simply, which made me sigh. I'm ruining every chance at friendship today and I'm pissing myself off. Why can't I just keep normal conversations? Or why can't I keep my emotions away? I used to be great at it.

"Wanna see something cool?" I randomly asked, attempting to lighten the mood once again. Which I'm forced to do too often, might I add, but it's my fault. So I can't complain.

"Uh, depends. What can you do on a bike? You're not gonna jump off or something, are you?" He asked quickly, suddenly gripping his handlebars tighter. I laughed lightly near his ear then leaned against him more, which made him panic enough, but then I slowly extended my arms out to the side of us. He briefly glanced back at my arms, taking in the situation and starting to fully panic. "Bev, holy shit, you're gonna die. You don't let go when we're riding! You're insane, oh my god," he babbled on, catching everyone else's attention. I just continued to laugh.

"You're so uptight, Mike! You need to take risks in life," I scolded while still laughing, bringing my hands back to his shoulders and very lightly shaking him. He scoffed at that, loosening up when feeling my hands back on him. Everyone else around us didn't say anything, just kept riding. They're a lively bunch!

"Yeah, I've taken enough risks in life, I'm good," he spoke in a slightly sarcastic tone, but slowly gained a smile. I smiled wider at the sight, then leaned my head a bit against his shoulder.

"What could Dungeons and Dragons slash Star Wars obsessed Mike Wheeler have _possibly_ done that is risky?" I teased, which he rolled his eyes at.

"You'd be surprised," was all he said, but he no longer seemed nervous at my sight or touch, which made me smile again. I can already tell that we'll get along just fine, and I'm excited. I need close friends, and it's seeming like I'm already gaining that. Mike is cool and sarcastic, which I can definitely relate to.

"Well, you'd be surprised by my past, too," I spoke quietly, which he raised his eyebrows at. He was already pulling into a driveway, which made me glance up at the house. It was _huge,_ and I nearly shit just thinking about going inside. I lived in an apartment my whole life, and now a really small house, so this is like walking into a mansion. I know I don't belong.

"I bet my past is weirder," he challenged, which pulled me back to our conversation. I let out a small laugh as I climbed off his bike.

"We'll see about that, Wheeler." I smiled at him, then waited patiently for us all to go inside. I was terrified, yes, but I wouldn't show it.

"So, guys, my mom is home today. Just prepare for that," Mike spoke up, leading the way to the house. I trailed behind a bit, Max at my side. She smiled at me, then leaned forward to whisper.

"His mom is weird. I, personally, like to call her insane, but Mike doesn't like that." She shrugged a little, then smiled again. "Don't worry, I'm still relatively new to the group, as well. I only met them last October." She shrugged again, which I imagine was supposed to make me feel less alone, but it didn't. October was almost a year ago, it's currently the very end of August. Although I appreciate her effort, that definitely won't make me feel better. But, I smiled anyway.

"Thanks, there's just lots to worry about." I laughed lightly, but shrugged along with her, looking back forward and getting ready to enter Mike's house. Max looked at me with a slightly confused expression, but didn't have time to question me. We entered Mike's house, and I immediately got slightly wide eyes. The inside is as nice as the outside.

"Michael?" A voice called out from a different room, and Mike took in a deep breath as he closed and locked the door.

"Yeah, Mom, it's me! My friends are here, too," he called back, and I looked around the house with great interest, until a woman with blonde hair showed up, heading towards us. She spotted me and smiled sweetly. "Mom, that's Beverly. She's new at school," Mike spoke up before she could ask, and she nodded lightly.

"It's nice to meet you, Beverly." She examined my hair and clothes as she talked, which made me want to turn around and leave again.

"You, too, Mrs. Wheeler." I smiled a bit back, adjusting my overalls, as if it would make me look better. She nodded, then turned back to Mike.

"Will you guys be downstairs?" She questioned him as she already started to leave the room again. Mike only nodded, which she nodded back to. "Don't forget to take your shoes off," she warned, sending a hard look towards Max. Max quickly leaned down to take her shoes off, which I followed along with. Once his mom was fully gone, I looked around at everyone, who exhaled slowly. Mike quickly lead the way to a door, opening it and revealing a set of stairs. Once everyone was down, I looked at them with raised eyebrows.

"What were you guys on about? She's a bit intimidating, but she's not that bad." I shrugged, which made Mike laugh a bit.

"She's awful. Ever since..." he started, but then cut himself off, trailing off into nothing. Everyone else looked at him with slightly stiff expressions, almost as if to tell him to shut up. He looked around at everyone, giving the same expression back before turning to me once more. "She's just been really uptight and she hovers like no tomorrow. It's annoying," he changed his words, which I tried to go along with, but it was nearly impossible.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'd take your mom over my dad any day," I said simply, my tone slightly uptight, which they all caught onto.

"Why? And why do you live with your aunt?" Max spoke up, her eyebrows furrowed. I looked over to her and raised my eyebrows a bit.

"Maybe I'll tell you my secret once you tell me yours." I smiled a bit, making sure they knew I wasn't mad or anything. Yeah, I hate that they're already keeping secrets from me, but that's fine. I have enough secrets of my own, which I don't plan to tell unless I must. I don't even want to speak my secrets aloud, in fear they'll haunt me. I plan to forget about Pennywise, and about Derry, completely. I haven't broken down from the memories yet, and I don't plan to. I'll keep them locked up until the end of time if I must.

"Fair point," is all Mike said, not spouting even a single secret. And that was fine, because it's too early in this friendship to be risking it.

"So, tell me about this Dungeons and Dragons. What kind of game is it?" I asked, smiling while I walked to the couch to sit next to Dustin. He briefly smiled at me before all four of the boys tried to explain it at once. I didn't catch anything, my eyes going from person to person. "Guys, I'm catching nothing. Slow down." I laughed, then Max plopped down in a folding chair, which caught my attention. She rolled her eyes and tucked her hair behind her ear before speaking up.

"It's a boring game that involves more math than math class. Your memory has to be outstanding, you have to have the biggest imagination possible, and you have to have enough patience to sit around and play a game for ten hours straight. There, that's the gist," Max explained quickly, which made everyone else start to protest loudly. Before I knew it, they were all arguing loudly while I sat there and tried to keep up.

"Guys, chill out! It sounds like a great game, but probably not my thing. My memory isn't too good, and neither is my patience. I'm actually kinda antsy, I've never relaxed for more than an hour in my entire life. Besides sleeping, of course." I shrugged a little, catching all of their attention once more. They all stared at me for a second before Lucas spoke up, and I'm starting to pin down his personality.

"What the hell could've happened to you that made it so you can't relax?" He spoke up in slight disbelief, and I took in a deep breath, simply shrugging my shoulders a bit. "No, seriously, what kid doesn't know how to relax?"

"Lucas, quit it. She'll talk about it when she's ready," Will nearly talked over him, then took in a deep breath. "We have secrets, too, which she's figured out by now. It'll do us no good to force her secrets out and refuse to tell our own. Let's just wait until all of us are comfortable enough to talk about our past. That's the best solution," Will lectured, and I agreed with the whole thing. Everyone else just kinda nodded, reluctantly agreeing.

"Exactly. We'll open up eventually, just...not right now." I smiled at them, and they all agreed once more. "Anyway, what else is there to do around here?" I asked, and they all looked around at each other, almost as if they didn't know the answer, either.

"Uh, we could go to...the junkyard," Max suggested, but everyone shook their heads.

"Not allowed," Will sighed his words out. They all seemed defeated as I just watched. Not allowed to the junkyard? What could possibly happen at that junkyard? I rode by it and it looks awesome.

"Ok, the arcade," Max suggested again, which made Mike scoff.

"You just wanna get back to your games and make sure you still have all the high scores," he seemed to mock, looking at her with an annoyed expression.

"Yes, it's important. But we could also show Bev the games and see if she likes any of them," Max pointed out, and I laughed a bit, turning the attention towards me.

"Let's just go to the arcade, guys. It beats sitting around and doing nothing," I suggested, sounding enthusiastic, but I was really just nervous. When I sit and do nothing, it gives my mind time to stew over my memories. I try to blind them by thinking of the Losers, but even that hurts now. And they just lead to thinking about Pennywise. Just sitting here, the scars on my hands start to itch.

"Yeah, ok. But are you alright, Bev?" Will asked, looking down at my hands, where I was already feeling and pressing into my scars. I immediately took my hands back into my lap, praying they didn't see the vivid scars. But a part of me knew they did, as they glanced around at each other in confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved this chapter lowkey.  
And like Dustin is the cutest thing ever,  
don't even @ me.
> 
> Please comment and tell me what you thought, guys. It really does help and encourage me to write when I get feedback.  
I'd greatly appreciate it.  
Thank you  
-Apple


	12. 10»Beverly is Subjected to Max's Quarrels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains racial and homophobic slurs (due to Billy), sorry!  
And I'd just like to extra apologize for the racial slurs. It's for story purposes, of course, so I can't avoid it. But I will be censoring it for obvious reasons.

** _ Beverly _ **   
** _ Saturday, August 31 _ **

Waking up to loud knocks on my window wasn't the most pleasant thing ever, but nonetheless, I got up and walked over to it. Max was on the other side, messing around with her skateboard while waiting for me. I looked down at my pajamas, then stepped forward and started to slide my window open. She looked up at me and smiled widely while examining my state.

"Awh, how cute." She smiled sweetly, her eyes switching from my pink pajamas to my face. I rolled my eyes, but ignored her and looked around my room a bit.

"Max, what are you doing here? It's eight. On a Saturday," I complained, looking back towards the redhead that was seemingly wide awake. She huffed a little, looking slightly annoyed.

"It's summer, Bev! Yes, we're in school, but it is still the season of summer. You can sleep in when winter comes and no one wants to go outside. For as long as it's summer, we have to take advantage! Now come on, get dressed and come outside," she ordered, already walking back to the road and starting to ride in circles on her skateboard, attempting to do tricks. I smiled involuntarily while watching her. I like Max a lot, I can definitely see us becoming good friends. It also helps that she cares enough to invite me to hang out, even if I would rather be asleep.

I turned around and rummaged through my drawer, huffing a bit and just deciding to wear my purple and black dress. I went to a different drawer and got out a pair of black, short length leggings. My dress covers them, but this way I don't accidentally expose myself to someone random. I obviously don't have a bike, but I've been riding on Mike's, so I'd rather not risk showing the neighborhood my underwear.

I quickly changed my clothes, making sure to add on my brown belt, more for an accessory than anything else, then got ready in the bathroom, finally ready to go out into public. I walked out into the main area of our house, not seeing Aunt Gwen anywhere. I sighed and walked to the cabinets, finding nothing but a pack of granola bars, so I picked one up and opened it, eating it as I put my shoes on. Max was probably dead from boredom by now, but she's the one who woke me up at eight AM on a Saturday morning. I'll take as much time to get ready as I please.

Yesterday, at the arcade, I was quick to learn how good Max is at games. She had the high score on almost every game, Dustin usually second place on the leader board. She showed me all of her favorite games, then made me try them, and I was pretty shit at most of them. But I had fun anyway. I got closer to everyone in only a few hours, which was probably the best and most important part.

Once I was finally outside, my granola bar was gone. I noticed my aunt's car wasn't even here, so she's probably at work. I shrugged to myself, turning around to lock my door, then hurrying to the side of my house, where Max should be. She spotted me and got down off of her skateboard, huffing dramatically.

"Took you long enough. I've been out here for like thirty minutes!" She yelled dramatically as I approached her, causing me to roll my eyes.

"More like fifteen, Max." I raised my eyebrows at her, a small smile on my lips as I reached her in the road. She rolled her eyes back but didn't say anything, so I looked around the street, furrowing my eyebrows a bit. "Where is everyone else?"

"At home, we're going to get them," she spoke back as if it were obvious, then put her skateboard down and started to ride down the road. I furrowed my eyebrows even more, but rushed to catch up, just lightly jogging beside her.

"This is cruel," I talked louder to ensure she'd hear me, my breathing already picking up a bit. She laughed to herself, then slowly came to a stop, using her foot to flip her skateboard up and into her hand. I stopped running and examined her, it only taking a few seconds for my breathing to calm down. She smiled sweetly at me as she tucked her skateboard under her arm.

"Sorry, I don't like walking. But I will, just for my favorite redhead," she joked, giving another sweet smile, her eyes closing while doing so. I laughed a bit, smiling wide at her.

"Why, thank you. You're too kind," I pretended to swoon, which she laughed at. We both went quiet as we started walking in the direction of Mike's house. And I only know the route because he rode me home on his bike last night. It was embarrassing to show him my house after seeing how big his is, and especially when he started eyeing it. I felt embarrassed, but I tried to ignore it to the best of my ability and just go inside. No use in commenting on it when he wasn't going to, so we said goodbye and then went our separate ways. But I know he was silently judging, or at least wondering why I'm so poor. "Hey, is it weird that I live in such a crappy house? I mean, considering Mike, Lucas, and Dustin's houses. I haven't seen yours or Will's, but I can assume they're about as fancy as theirs. My entire neighborhood is poor." I saw her look over at me out of the corner of my eye. From what I could see, which wasn't much, she looked amused.

"Tell you what, Bev, how about I show you my house later? Maybe not the inside, depending on who's home, but I'll show you the outside and where it is. Sound good?" Now I could definitely tell she was amused in her tone, so I looked over at her finally. She had an amused smile, but she looked genuine, so I nodded a bit.

"Ok, that sounds good," I agreed simply, making her nod along with me. I gave her a small smile back, and then we kept walking. Now I'm just thinking about the group in general. I wonder how they all became friends, and why they decided someone like me would fit in. With the way some of them treat Max, I can tell they aren't used to having girls around, so why would they befriend me? I just can't see how it makes any sense, but I guess it doesn't have to. I just have an obsession with putting reasoning behind _everything_, even when it's unnecessary. I blame my dad for that.

We walked the entire rest of the way to Mike's house in silence, which should've been awkward, but it wasn't. Max was so chill that I wouldn't be surprised if she never had awkward moments, with anyone. I know that's unrealistic and probably isn't true, but I still can't help but think that way.

"Mike might be a bit cranky, just saying. He hates when I'm the one to arrive first." She shrugged and laughed a bit, obviously enjoying the thought of annoying him.

"You guys really don't like each other, huh?" I asked, my eyebrows raised and a small smile on my lips. She shrugged again, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear. She took a minute to respond, but she eventually did.

"I don't hate him. He's never liked me much, but I think he's chill. He's just uptight, lots has happened to him," she explained slowly, her voice lower in volume now. I decided not to question her further, judging by her tone. The way she said that implied that they _all_ had been through a lot, so I figured it was best to keep quiet. "Anyway, not important. Just in case he is cranky, prepare." She then laughed, her carefree demeanor returning once more. I nodded and gave her a small smile as we approached his front door.

Max knocked first, then rang the doorbell, which she also snickered at. I assume she likes to annoy the whole family, with how she's acting. And I also assume I'm right, with how Mike's father answered the door.

"Oh, Max, what a pleasant surprise." His voice was dull as he said this, as if he already knew it was her. Judging by how everything is going today, this must happen a lot. Max flashed a cheerful, sweet smile.

"Good morning, Mr. Wheeler! Is Michael awake yet?" She sounded so happy and upbeat, it was even affecting me. Mr. Wheeler took in a deep breath, then turned back towards the stairs.

"Mike!" Was all he yelled, then slowly turned back to face us. He looked at me, giving me a half-assed smile before switching back to Max. "He's coming down now," he spoke dully, then didn't even wait, just walked off to the right. I assume he went to the living room, but I can't be sure.

"The entire family loves me." Max snickered into my ear, and I laughed a bit with raised eyebrows.

"I can definitely tell," I agreed just as Mike started to come down the stairs. He looked up at us and got a confused expression. As he neared, he gave me a smile that matched his father's, considering it wasn't genuine at all. He then switched his gaze to Max and squinted his eyes a bit.

"What are you doing here, Max?" He spoke under his breath, his voice deeper that normal, almost sounding angry. She immediately raised her eyebrows at him.

"Well someone's got their panties in a twist today. We came to get you, like good friends do," she spoke back smartly, making him roll his eyes. He stepped out of the house, making Max and I take a few steps back to give him room. He pulled the door closed behind him before leading the way out and to his driveway. He walked to his garage, where a keypad was, typing in a code and waiting for the garage to open. We followed, both slightly confused.

"We aren't hanging out today, ok? It's Special Saturday," he said simply, and Max perked up a bit at that.

"Special Saturday? That's today?" She asked quickly, both of them basically forgetting I was there. I stood awkwardly as they had their exchange, both of them obviously uncomfortable when it's just the two of them. I wanted to ask what "Special Saturday" is, but I know they won't tell me, so I keep quiet as he turns back to face her.

"Yeah, and you aren't coming. Just go home," his voice rasped as he said this, the garage already closing as he finished retyping the code. He climbed onto his bike and got ready to ride away. I looked over to Max, who had an angry look about her.

"Gosh, where have I heard that one before? Oh yeah, right before your crazy girlfriend nearly gave me a concussion!" She yelled angrily, only making him roll his eyes. He shook his head as he rode off down his driveway and down the road, out of our sight. I took in a deep breath, feeling somewhat stunned at what had just happened. Max only wanted to hang out with him, and he disinvited her from something called "Special Saturday." Next thing I know, she's yelling about an apparent girlfriend. And I couldn't be more confused, yet apprehensive to find out. "What a fucking jerk. I've been nothing but nice to him and his _golden retriever_, and I get shit like this," she mumbles angrily to herself, then puts her skateboard down and starts to ride away.

I'm still stunned, but now she's riding away without me, and I'm not sure what to do. So I just follow along behind her, soon getting a few blocks behind, but I don't care. She needs time to think, and so do I.

Does Mike have a girlfriend? One that Max obviously has problems with, same as Mike. Crazier yet, is she what they've all been hiding? Mike never hangs out with any girls at school, other than Max and I. So is she homeschooled? Maybe she can't come to school for some other reason? I'm not sure what reason that could be, but now my mind is reeling with curiosity. I can't help but ache for answers, wondering endlessly who this girl is, and why she's being hidden. Hidden, seemingly, from the entire world.

**~*~*~**

** _ Max _ **   
** _ Saturday, August 31 _ **

I can't believe him. He's such a dick, I can't even handle it. From day one, I've done nothing but try to befriend him and get him to like me, but he just insists on hating me. And his _precious El_ doesn't help either, considering how much she hates me, for literally no reason. I was talking to Mike in the gym one day and you happened to see, _oh no!_ The world is suddenly crashing down and that girl with the red hair is my last target!

They're both so immature and annoying. If it wasn't for Lucas, Will, and Dustin, I'd be long gone. Even Dustin doesn't give me much of a reason to stay, but at least he's nicer than Mike and his weirdo girlfriend. He's only occasionally rude to me, and even then, he's gotten nicer ever since Bev showed up.

That's when I realize, and I quickly stop my skateboard. My eyes are wide and I have to stop dead in the middle of the road for a second to clear my thoughts.

Bev. I just left Bev in Mike's driveway, and she heard me mention that Mike has a girlfriend. Oh no. Oh no, oh no, this is bad.

I turned quickly around on my skateboard to ride back and get her, but she's only about two blocks back, slowly making her way towards me. I kick off and skate to her, closing the distance quickly. She gives me a gentle, patient smile. One that I've never seen from anyone before. At least, never directed at me.

"Bev, I'm really sorry, he just gets under my skin more than anyone. Well, except my family, but that doesn't count," I explained in a frantic way, which she smiled wider at. I couldn't, for the life of me, understand how she's so fine after I ditched her like that.

"It's ok, Max. I don't blame you, he really shouldn't have talked to you like that. I'm not sure what happened to make him dislike you, but I still don't think that was acceptable," she spoke evenly and way more sophisticated than usual, which confused me even more. I furrowed my eyebrows and reached up to push my hair behind my ear.

"Um, thanks, but...why are you acting weird?" I laughed a bit awkwardly after saying this, then explained further. "You're acting all proper and like I didn't just ditch you. I'm confused." My voice was quieter than normal, my tone full of confusion, as promised. She smiled again, sighing deeply.

"Sorry, I just didn't want you to feel bad. Truth is, it really shocked me. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend, let alone one that he's obviously hiding away somewhere," she spoke nonchalantly now, which made me feel ten times worse. My stomach did a small flip when she mentioned the hiding part, but I tried to act natural.

"Oh, don't worry about that." I laughed nervously, which she caught onto in a heartbeat, but I just changed the subject. "So, want to check out my house now?" I offered in a tone that I hope would excite her. She still looked hesitant, but her eyes also lit up a tiny bit. She nodded, giving me another smile. I made sure my skateboard was tucked firmly under my arm before motioning down the road, in the direction of my house. "After you, m'lady." She laughed at that, using her dress to curtsy at me.

"Why, thank you, ma'am," she feigned elegance in her voice, which made both of us laugh a bit. We started to walk down the road, smiles still on our faces. The walk felt like it took forever, but I dealt with it, for her sake. I'm not about to leave her in the middle of the road, by herself. Again.

Every inch of my body was resistant, though. I would never tell, but I'm terrified that someone from my family will be home. If they are, I'm turning us right around and walking away. In any direction. To literally anywhere.

"Hey, Max, you ok? In all seriousness, I'm sorry Mike was like that with you," Bev broke me out of my thoughts, making my head turn to her in a hurry. She was smiling apologetically, and I shook my head a bit, chuckling lightly.

"Oh, trust me, that's not what's on my mind. I'm used to him being pissy with me, he always has been. Since day one, actually." I shrugged a bit, which she then frowned at. I raised my eyebrows and shrugged more exaggeratedly, trying to get my point across that I am indeed very used to it.

"Ok, well, then what's on your mind? You spaced out pretty hardcore there." She mimicked my actions and shrugged a bit. I took in a deep breath and decided she's probably gonna be my best friend, and only friend that's a girl, so I'd confide in her. But only with small things.

"Just my family. None of them are very nice to be around. My mom isn't awful, but only when you get her alone, which isn't often. Both my stepdad and brother are absolute dicks, so that's just great. I'm hoping that no one is home, so I can show you my house properly," I explained quickly, talking faster than normal. I hate telling people about my family, it makes me feel weak. And embarrassed, for that matter.

"Hey, it's ok. Believe it or not, I know how you feel. I don't even know my mom, or who she is. She died when I was young. And my dad was a rightful dick, in every way. A complete creep, not leaving me alone for even an hour. He controlled my life and forced me to be someone that I definitely was not," she paused and looked over at me, her expression softening, almost as if she forgot I was there. She took in a deep breath and shook her head. "But it's fine, because I escaped him. I'm sorry you have to deal with them and everything they do, I'd help you if I knew how. But my methods aren't suitable for everyday life, so." She shrugged rougher that time, turning to look down the road again. Every fiber of my being was screaming at me to ask what she means, but I don't think she'd even answer me. We both tend to mention suspicious things and then go back on them, so I don't know if I should even ask. But then I think about myself, I remember who I am, and of course I have to ask.

"Methods? What do you mean?" I asked, sounding both curious and amused. She took in a deep breath, and for the first time since I've met her, she got a frightened expression. She didn't even answer, or shake her head, she just stared ahead with hazy eyes and looked freaked out. I furrowed my eyebrows and stared at her, actually worrying for her well-being. Did I just send her into some panic-induced trance or something? I raised my arm and put my hand on her arm, gently shaking her.

"Hey, Bev? Are you ok? I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me anything yet. I understand." The confusion was clear in my voice as she slowly came back to reality. She looked over at me and took in another deep breath, her eyes holding so much hurt and trouble.

"Can I use your phone when we get to your house?" Was her only reply, and I nodded slowly. She nodded back, turning forward once more and walking evenly down the road. I was still confused and slightly worried about her, but I stayed quiet, leading the way to my house. Part of me wouldn't even care if Billy was home, I'd let her use the phone anyway. But, of course, once thinking about it more, I'd rather not. Billy's lightened up on me ever since I scared the hell out of him, which I still love myself for. But he'll still taunt me, in which I'll yell at him, which would normally be fine. But I'd rather not show that side of me to Bev just yet. I don't think she'd ditch me or anything, but you never know what she'll make of it. I'm simultaneously proud and ashamed of my violent side, which is silly, but I can't help but feel that way. She seems so tame and calm, only occasionally drifting into different auras. I feel like I have to keep up with her half the time.

As I thought, we neared my house, which gave me the smallest twinge of nervousness. But once we got close enough, I didn't recognize any of the surrounding cars, making me sigh in relief. I motioned to my house, which made her raise her eyebrows.

"That's your house?" She asked, eyeing the home that couldn't be more than a block away from her own. She glanced down the road, seeing her own house and then turning back to me with wide eyes.

"That's my house. So don't worry about being poor, we can be poor together." I smiled sweetly, but had an edge to my voice. Being poor sucks, and I know having each other won't make that any easier. But at least we can go through it together, instead of being surrounded by people with bunches of money and not a care in the world.

"Wow, I had no idea. It's really cute, though." She smiled sweetly, her tone simultaneously endearing and reassuring. I don't know how she manages it, but she seems to be able to make me feel better in such simple ways. My house is small and crappy in comparison to everyone else's, but she's made it feel a little better. And even if it does suck, it is my house. It's where my mom is, so it's not always awful.

"Well, thank you. I'll show you the inside. It's far less cute." I laughed a bit, not sounding sincere at all in my laughter. My house is always clean, but that doesn't stop it from keeping a dirty look. It looks relatively depressing, actually, lacking bright colors. We have little to no pictures around the house, besides some school pictures of mine. My mom threw out any pictures from her past, for reasons I could never understand, which means everything is gone. Billy doesn't take photos unless under his own accord, and we definitely can't display them. The only other picture in the house is a picture of our new family, one that we got professionally done. One for visitors, to keep up appearances. They had to bribe Billy to even go, let alone smile as if he loved all of us. It makes me sick every time I see it, so I've made it a habit to ignore that wall at all costs. So, if you couldn't tell, my house is just fucking marvelous.

Without a word, she followed me as I led the way into my house. And once inside, she just smiled and looked at me with sympathy.

"Ok, I see what you mean. But don't worry!" She spoke louder, clearing her throat before extending her arms towards me, as if she were presenting me to someone. "We don't need decor, we've got you to make the house look beautiful." She gave me a charming smile before we both started laughing, me rolling my eyes quickly.

"Yeah, ok, thanks," I spoke between laughs, making her shake her head.

"I'm serious, Max, you're very pretty. Besides, your house doesn't need to be extravagant. It's just a waste of money." She shrugged, continuing to look around the house. And, of course, she looked in the exact place that I didn't want her to. She walked closer to the wall and stared at it for a second. "Is this your brother?" She asked quietly, reaching up to lightly run her fingers over Billy on the photo. I sighed, walking to stand next to her.

"Step. My mom married his dad and poof, I'm in Hawkins, Indiana. Thousands of miles away from home," I spoke lightly, my words just above a whisper. She turned to look at me, her tone matching mine.

"Who's your home?" She asked, immediately making me look at her in bewilderment. She must've meant where, so I'll answer with that.

"California. You meant where, right?" I asked, just to clarify, considering 'who' didn't make any sense. But she shook her head, taking in a deep breath and looking away from me. She looked down and gave a light smile to her shoes.

"Who, Max. Home isn't a place, it's the people in a place. So who is your home?" She asked, continuing to stare down at something I obviously couldn't see. Her words made me slump a bit as I joined her, staring at the ground, but with less purpose.

"I guess my dad, then. He's back in California and I'm here. I was pulled away from him completely, I didn't even get a say in it," I paused, then took in a deep breath and shook my head. "By that rule, I guess I do have a home here," I mumbled, which is what made her finally look over at me.

"Who is that?" She asked with big eyes, giving me her full interest and attention. I couldn't understand why she cares so much about all of this, but just seeing her expression is enough to make me tell her anything she wants to know. Looking at her now, in a calm moment where no one else is around, I can finally see it. She's lost people, things. I can see it in her eyes and in the way she talks. She gave me such a put together and confident vibe, but now I can finally see her true colors. And it makes me hurt.

"Lucas is my home here. He's always been with me from the second we talked, and he went against his friends in order to keep me around. He broke all of their stupid club rules and he saved me from many things," I explained slowly, then smiled to myself and looked away again. "It's funny, because even though I _physically_ saved him from endless torment from my brother, he saved me in every other possible way." I didn't realize I was crying until I saw tears hit the floor. It snapped me out of it, making me reach up to wipe my face quickly. I stopped crying in a hurry, something I've mastered this past year, and sniffled a bit. When I looked back at her, though, she was smiling and had watery eyes, as well.

"He did all that for you?" She asked, still showing more enthusiasm and interest than I can understand. I nodded.

"He did, he still does. I'm sure he'll yell at Mike for making me stay home today, and then come straight to my house once they're done. He cares about me more than I give him credit for, and I feel bad about it. I need to start thanking him more." I sighed deeply at this realization, but I still smiled. I smiled knowing Lucas will always be here for me, even when I tell him not to be.

"See? That's home. Not this shitty house, Lucas is your home." She smiled more, her blue eyes sparkling, even in the dim lighting of my house. I looked at her and took in a deep breath, realizing how true her words are. I've never thought of home as anything but a place, but now I know that it's a person. And I almost don't know what to do with this information, so I decide to distract myself.

"Ok, so who's your person?" I asked quickly, making her eyes lose that sparkle. But she still smiled, taking in a deep breath and raising her hands, extending them towards me with her palms facing up. I looked down at them, my eyes widening when spotting the pink scars that lined her palms. They'd obviously been cut open sometime in the past month or so, leaving some nasty looking scars. And as I look at them, I realize this is what we all started to see on her palm yesterday. Scars. "Where are they from?"

"My home," she said simply, then smiled. She didn't continue or say anything else, she just smiled and stared down at her scars. I kept my eyes fixed on her, and we stood like that for a few minutes before I remembered, and took in a deep breath.

"Do you still want to use my phone?" I asked quietly, afraid that my voice would startle her if it were any louder. She finally looked up to me, and gave me a firm nod. I nodded back, glancing at her hands once more before leading the way into the kitchen, where we kept our one and only phone. "There you go." I smiled lightly while looking back at her. She gave me a tiny smile, then rushed to the phone and pulled it off the wall. She then looked around, giving me a nervous smile before going into the nearest room that the phone could reach, and closing the door. That just so happened to be a closet, and I know it's pitch dark in there, but it seems that she doesn't care.

I stood there in silence for a second before I got curious. Against my better judgement, I quietly walked to the door and rested my ear against it, trying to hear anything she's saying. It was quiet for a second.

"C'mon, Trashmouth, you know who I am," I heard her speak in a teasing tone, making my eyebrows furrow. Trashmouth? What kind of a nickname is that?

I listened again for a second, but then was pulled away when I heard an engine revving outside. A wave of panic washed through me when I heard it, and I immediately ran to our front windows. I peaked out, spotting Billy's blue car and taking in a sharp breath. I ran back to the closet Bev was in and started banging on the door.

"Bev! Time to go, hurry up!" I yelled, but didn't get an answer, so I banged harder on the door. "Beverly! We have to go!" I yelled, finally getting an answer.

"I'll be out in a minute! Shut up!" She yelled from behind the door, making me huff loudly. I stood outside the door and bounced anxiously in my spot, staring at the front door, praying that Billy takes his sweet time coming inside. I must've been standing there for a solid five minutes before Bev _finally_ opened the door, looking at me with big, question-filled eyes. I grabbed the phone out of her hand, slamming it down onto the receiver, where it didn't hold, just falling off again. I then grabbed her hand and hurried towards the front door, ignoring the repetitive clatter as the phone bounced on its cord, hitting the floor a few times.

"Billy's home, he could come in any-" I started to explain, but that's when the doorknob turned, and Billy walked in. When he looked up, he saw Bev and I stood there, holding hands. He gained a hard expression as I started to rush her towards the door.

"So, you're a faggot now?" He asked in a harsh tone of voice, not getting an answer from me as I slid past him, swinging the door back open. "What is it, Max? Are you a faggot? Or still dating a n***er?" He taunted, making my jaw clench. I continued to walk out of the house, not even bothering to close the door.

"Suck a fat one, Billy, we all know you're the only faggot in the house," I spoke in a harsh tone, pulling Bev down away from my house. Billy didn't answer me, but I heard the door slam behind us as we reached the road. I stared at the ground as I walked, and let my hand go loose in hers, but she didn't pull her hand away. She lead the way this time, walking me to her house, instead. I didn't say a single word as she unlocked the door and took me inside. She lead me to the couch, sitting me down and then leaving again. I started to examine her house, smiling at how it wasn't much different from mine. She came back, though, and gave me a popsicle, of all things. I laughed. "You're so adorable, Bev. You act so much younger than you are, but you're also incredibly mature."

But she frowned.

"Yeah, I've always been kinda forced to be childish, while simultaneously having to fend for myself. I don't know what my dad was thinking." She sighed, closing her eyes while eating her own popsicle. I looked over at her, and was once again met with that expression. The expression that makes me forget about every single problem of my own, and just makes me hurt for her. Watching her face drop, her eyes closing heavily, as if she hasn't slept in days. My eyes trailed to her hands, where I could just barely see the pink scars beneath the popsicle. Looking at those and remembering her sad expression made me realize.

"You left someone behind, didn't you?" I asked quietly, looking at her with big eyes. "That's where your scars are from?" I watched as she nodded slowly, opening her eyes to look at me and giving me a sad smile.

"People, yeah. I left people behind." She now sounded more sad than I've ever heard. I felt such a hollow sadness in my stomach when hearing those words, and I'm not even the one who lost these people. I could feel how deep her pain was from across the couch.

"How many people?" I asked really quietly, and she smiled the tiniest bit more genuinely. She grabbed my hand once more, standing me up and leading me to her room. She walked to her dresser and picked up a frame in the hand that wasn't holding her popsicle and walked back over to me.

"Six," she said simply, showing me a picture of her, along with six other guys. The picture gave me a warm feeling, all of their smiles wide, their arms around each other. "That, there, that's Mike." She used her pinky of the hand holding the popsicle to point at a black boy. He reminded me of Lucas, but only a bit. He looked different, but something about his smile was reminiscent. "I mentioned him to you guys yesterday. He was homeschooled and the last to join our group, but he was family. I miss him a lot, he was always so wise and knew what to say," she explained further, making both of us smile wide.

"Who's this?" I asked, pointing at the boy next to Mike, one who was a lot shorter than all of them. He wore incredibly short shorts, which made me want to laugh, but in an endearing way. His hair was nearly perfect, and he had a cast on his arm.

"That's Eddie. He was really something, I've never met anyone like that. He's a crazy paranoid germaphobe, but he's loosened up a lot. He was honestly the cutest thing, but don't tell anyone I said that. He felt like a little brother, if anything, even if he didn't talk directly to me too much. His mom hated me." She laughed at that, and I laughed, too. She then went down the line, naming and explaining each person. She had me smiling and laughing. I teared up when she told me about Ben, which was so unlike me, but she explained them in such a way that I felt like I knew them. I found out who this "Trashmouth" was, and after hearing about him, I totally understand why he has the nickname. I laughed throughout his entire explanation, hearing about all his antics. But then she got to the final person, the boy that stood right next to her. She stopped laughing and teared up, her voice light once more.

"This is Bill," she started, then paused for a few seconds, blinking hard and sniffling, obviously trying to gain her happy mood back. "I was closest to him. He invited me into the group, and he made me feel the most at home. I guess you could say he was my Lucas, but we didn't date at all," she once again paused, and took in a deep breath. "I don't know what to call him. We kissed a total of three times, but that's about it. We never established what we were, I guess we didn't feel like we had to, with me leaving and all." She shrugged, then looked at him in silence for a minute. I was about to say something, but she shook her head and went to put the picture back. "And now he's gone," she whispered, which made me frown once more.

"You'll see him again someday. All of them, I believe it. If they're really your home, you'll see them. We always find our way back home, Bev," I whispered back, hoping to give her some hope, as she's given me. She set the picture down, then looked over at me and suddenly smiled.

"You know, Max, I'm starting to think we'll make a good team." She smiled even wider, her tone sure as she approached me once more.

"Oh yeah? Why is that?" I smiled back, my tone slightly teasing. Her expression became delicate and caring as we looked at each other.

"Because I thought that exact same thing when you mentioned your dad earlier. I would've said it if you hadn't brought up Lucas," she informed me, and I couldn't help from gain the widest smile of the day. I stepped away from her a bit and stuck out my hand.

"Best friends and partners in crime?" I suggested in a questioning tone. Her blue eyes gained that sparkle back as she took my hand, shaking it firmly.

"For the rest of time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was about 6,590 words long...it's also my favorite chapter so far.  
Max and Bev are friendship goals.  
Like I want so bad!
> 
> I hope y'all catch on to all the little details in this chapter but I have a feeling you won't lol  
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!!  
-Apple


	13. 11»Stan Stands Up for Himself

** _ Stan _ **   
** _ Saturday, August 31 _ **

"No, Richie, it is that fucking simple! We can't go anywhere without a map!" I yelled at him as I walked down the road, everyone trailing in a semicircle behind me.

"Well, pardon me, Stanley! I didn't know you were a master at running away!" He yelled back, hurrying in the road to catch up with me. I clenched my jaw, glancing over at him out of the corner of my eye.

"We're not even out of Derry yet and you're getting on my nerves. Quit it!" I snapped, making him smile sweetly and turn partially towards the group.

"He's a little cranky tonight," Richie pretended to whisper at the rest of the group, making me huff loudly through my nose. I turned to him and shoved him roughly, but not rough enough for him to fall over.

"Fucking quit it!" I yelled again, watching him stumble back on the road, almost falling. He recovered quickly, standing up straight and reaching up to fix his glasses. He gave me a slightly confused expression, while also looking annoyed.

"Ok, fine, calm the fuck down," he grumbled just loud enough for me to hear, turning to walk to the group, where he met back up with Eddie. It made me huff again, turning back around to continue walking down the road. I shouldn't have pushed him, I know that, but he just gets on my nerves so much, I needed to shut him up. I know he annoys me on purpose, so he also shouldn't get all butt hurt when I tell him to knock it off.

"Stan, what's gotten into you lately? You're being a dick," Eddie decided to speak up, only making me more mad. I tried to hold it in and not let it show, just barely succeeding. The entire group is getting on my nerves for no reason, but Richie and Eddie are the worst. Everything they do is annoying me, and I know I'll be better by tomorrow, but for today, this is my reality. I have to deal with it, and sadly, they do, too.

"J-Just drop it, g-guys," Bill cut in before I could contemplate replying, which made me sigh in relief. I was not in the mood to focus on my thoughts anymore.

"Stan, do you have a plan? Or are we just walking aimlessly down the road?" Ben spoke up, sounding genuinely curious. I smiled involuntarily to myself, despite my wretched mood. Only Ben can say something that's meant to sound sassy, but make it sincere.

"Our plan, as of right now, is to go to my house and get my stuff. And a map, of course," I spoke simply and evenly, my calm demeanor returning in mere seconds. They all must've heard and noticed this, because they rushed to catch up with me in the road. We walked in a long line down the middle of the road, and this is a moment when I pray no cars come this way. And as I think that, I get a sudden rush of panic. For a split second, I forget that Henry is dead. And for a split second, my entire summer floods my mind. But I push it away, how I push away everything else that bothers me. Well, besides Richie, of course. I can only physically push him away, and even then, it barely works.

"Why your house first?" Richie spoke as if he were offended, making me roll my eyes, but in my regular manner.

"Because, Richie. Trust me, it's better for me to go now and leave again than be caught sneaking in after dark. My father would have a fit," I informed in a dismissive tone, and Richie stayed quiet for a second, which was enough for us all to look at him in confusion. If Richie doesn't immediately reply, he's probably gonna say something with at least an ounce of meaning behind it.

"B-But my..." he trailed off, looking around at everyone, his eyes wide beneath his glasses. I raised my eyebrows in question, encouraging him to continue talking. He looked down at the ground, reaching up to make sure his glasses don't fall off, before shrugging his shoulders up and down. "My dad will be home soon," is all he said, but we all understood. We don't know fully what goes on in Richie's house, but we know it's pretty bad. Bad enough that he avoids it as much as possible and acts out constantly. I feel bad, I do, but my dad will _actually_ kill me if he catches me sneaking out in the middle of the night.

"Sorry, Rich, you can go next," is all I said, continuing down the road. Everyone went silent for a long while again, making me sigh to myself. I know I should let Richie go first. I know we should go to his house and just make him hurry, I know there'd be time for me as well. I just can't bring it upon myself to comply and fulfill his wishes. It's shitty of me, but I just can't. If I start showing him affection, no matter what kind, I'll never get over him. And I _have_ to get over him.

"Stan? Y-Your dad is h-home," Bill informed me quietly from my left side, making my eyes widen slightly. I looked up at my house, which is only about a block away now. Sure enough, my dad's car sat in the driveway, making my insides flip. This is gonna be more difficult than I originally thought.

"I thought he worked late on Saturdays," Eddie piped up, sounding slightly frantic. I nodded, along with Richie and Bill.

"He does," the three of us spoke in unison, Ben and Mike looking between all of us with confused expressions.

"You guys freak me out. Did you hear that?" Mike started to converse with Ben over our weird nature, but I blocked them out. They shouldn't be so surprised by it, anyway. Of course we know stuff like this, we're best friends. And not the kind that have sleepovers and do fun things, but the kind that will be there for life.

"He must've gotten off early. This is terrible, what am I supposed to do?" I spoke evenly, but with a very light undertone of panic. They shrugged back in response, all of them shrugging in near perfect unison. My friends are not only very in sync, but as unhelpful as they come.

"Maybe we could come inside. A few of us, at least. Who do your parents like?" Mike suggested, causing me to glance around at everyone.

"My dad hates all of you, so don't count on that. My mom?" I thought aloud, still looking between all of them. "She likes Bill and Ben, if anyone, but even that is a long shot," I informed, making Richie snicker. Figures.

"She has a thing for people whose names start with the letter 'B', huh?" He piped up, making me roll my eyes so hard that it hurt. He continued to laugh, raising a hand towards Mike for a high-five. Mike only huffed, grabbing his wrist and forcing it down.

"It's worth a shot, let's go," I said, motioning to both Bill and Ben, who comply and follow me up my driveway quietly. Ben's still nervous around my family, and Bill just dislikes them. So this is bound to be interesting.

When we entered the house, I felt my heart nearly jump out of my chest. My dad was sat in the armchair right inside, and I could hear my mom rummaging stuff around in the kitchen, probably preparing dinner. I tried to keep a straight face as my father examined me quizzically.

"Where have you been, Stanley?" He asked, then examined my friends. "And why did you bring uninvited guests?" He nearly grimaced at the sight of them, which just annoyed me, making it hard to keep my composure.

"They are invited, Dad, I invited them," I spoke calmly, standing up straighter and folding my hands in front of me. He raised his eyebrows at that one, nearly shooting back a comment, but my mom entered the room and stopped him. I raised my eyebrows back at him, almost challenging him, then turned to my mom.

"Oh! Hello, boys! It's so good to see you, how have you been?" She cheered when seeing Bill and Ben, which made me smirk to myself. It's working, as I knew it would. Whenever I bring friends over-even if it's Richie or Mike-she puts on a show for them, acting ten times nicer than she actually is. It's all about impressions, I know, but it works in my favor sometimes.

"Hello, Mrs. Uris. I've been good, thank you," Ben replied politely, giving her a small smile. Bill then looked between my mom and dad, taking in a deep breath.

"I-I'm good, th-thank you, Mrs. U-Uris," he rushed out, or rushed as much as he possibly could, then went silent. Bill's gotten his fair share of anger spouts when at my house, so I can understand why he's so tense. One wrong word from my father and he's fuming.

"That's good! Will they be staying for dinner, Stanley?" My mom then turns to me, giving me her best 'I'm not prepared for guests' look. I keep calm and collected as I prepare to exit the room.

"No, Mom, don't worry. We'll be out of your hair soon, I just need to grab a few things," I explain vaguely, then attempt to leave, but my father inevitably speaks up again.

"Stanley, you won't be going anywhere. Your mother is preparing dinner for you, you will sit down and eat it," he demanded, his tone intimidating, and I felt my blood chill at the sound of it. But I continued to feign being calm and nodded.

"Yes, Dad. I'll be right back, then I'll eat with you both." I gave a small smile, then hurried out of the room before anyone could say anything. Once out of sight, I puffed out a deep breath and nearly ran up the stairs, needing to be as quick as possible.

I rushed into my room and got my school backpack, emptying every pocket on it. There were lots, considering it's myself we're talking about. Pockets are a necessity for organization. I then went to my closet and looked around, trying to decide exactly what I needed to bring. A pair of jeans is probably a good idea, and one sweatshirt. I'll most likely scream every morning when remembering I have to wear the same shirt everyday, but I have no other choice. So I got a sweatshirt out of my closet, then a pair of jeans from my dresser, and put them both in my backpack. I tried to convince myself that was all the clothes I needed, but I would rather get murdered than wear the same pair of underwear everyday, so I got roughly five pairs of those and put them neatly into my bag.

Once all of that was done, I took in a deep breath to try and clear my head. I can't forget anything. I can't, because I can never come back. They'd never _let me_ come back. If I leave, that's it. This is no longer my home, and I don't know whether to be happy or sad about that. I want them to want me to stay, and to look for me, but I'm not sure if they will. When thinking about this, I let tears sting my eyes, but I blinked them away immediately. I am way too fucking emotional lately.

I shook my head a little, then looked around. I know I shouldn't, but I'm going to bring my book of bird information. I could see so many birds on the way! For this reason, I also got my camera, but decided I could keep that around my neck instead of taking up space in my bag. I'll kill someone if I break it, but it's a risk I'm willing to take, because I need this camera. And I can already hear Richie laughing at me.

I got my toothbrush and toothpaste, another necessity. I snuck into my parents room and found an atlas, which will definitely come in handy. I was leaving when I spotted my father's wallet on the dresser. I frowned at myself while opening it and taking out the money it contained. It wasn't much, only a little over one hundred dollars, but I still felt bad for stealing. My parents may suck, but I don't want to steal from them. That's just not like me, even if it's a necessity. But I did it anyway, heading back into my room and putting it in one of the inside pockets. I then got _my_ money, which was still only about two hundred dollars, but it will help. I thought I was saving up for college, but that's going out the window. God, I'm dumb, why am I doing this? Why the fuck am I doing this?

Once all of that was put away, I once again just stood and thought. I tried to think of more stuff I should bring, but I just couldn't think of anything. My brain is too clouded. Clouded with my parents, my worries, _Richie_. Always fucking Richie. I can't think straight, especially not right now, when I'm about to leave everything I know behind. At the thought of that, though, my eyes instinctually swept over to my bedside table, where one of my many religious books sat. My father makes me read them twice as much after the speech at my bar mitzvah, which I originally just obliged to so he would back off. And I was believing all of it, I was. I was starting to believe there's a God out there. A spiritual God that has my back, no matter how little he shows it. What fucking bullshit.

I'm angry now. I walk to the book and pick it up, once again feeling hot tears fill my eyes. I shook my head to myself while staring at the book.

"Fuck you. You don't exist, and if you do, you're sick and a complete phony. I hate you. I hate you so fucking much for doing this to me," I gritted my words out, feeling silly for talking to a book, but I wasn't, really. I was talking to whatever God I used to believe in. Whatever God that's supposed to have my back. This book and it's God are fake, so fake.

I let out an angry grunt as I threw the book across my room, watching it smack into the wall then fall to the ground. I breathed heavily, trying to push my tears away. I'm done crying and hurting while praying to someone that's not there. I'm just _so done_.

Those words ringing in my head, I turned back to my bag and gave it my full attention. All that matters right now is that I get out of here. It's all that matters. And I once again tried to think of something I could be forgetting.

After a full minute of struggling, I decided it didn't matter. If I forget something, oh well, that's the price I pay for running away. Running away to Indiana, at that. So I took in a controlled breath through my nose, slowly zipping my bag. I'd try to sneak food, just to save money and help us out, but there's no way I'm making it into my kitchen to take food. The second I enter my family room, I'll be attacked, so my best bet is to just get out as soon as possible. I'm sure the others will remember stuff that I forget. Or, I can hope, at least.

After taking in a final shaky breath, I slung my backpack over my shoulders and placed my camera firmly around my neck. I then slowly left my room, for some reason feeling the need to tiptoe. But once I reached the staircase, I looked down and could see the feet of my best friends. I also noticed my dad's shoes sitting by the door, which made an odd amount of anger surge through me. On a split second instinct, I then hurried down the stairs loudly and caught the attention of everyone in the room. Bill and Ben looked over at me with wide eyes, but I only lightly smirked at them, nodding my head in their direction. They took the hint and started to file out of my house. I stepped up to the door, then turned to my confused and angry parents.

"Stanley? Where are you going?" My mother asked, sounding more confused than anything else. My father looked enraged, but I ignored it way better than I ever have. I smiled at them, a genuine smile, and shook my head.

"Away, I don't know. Away from you, away from this town. This fucked up town, this fucked up household," I rushed out, sounding almost happy, even if my words were bitter on my tongue. I had my hand on the handle of my door, ready to book it. Both of their faces hardened at my words.

"Stanley Uris, step away from that door right this second," my father demanded coldly, his words sending a pang to my heart. But not one that affected me, because I shook my head firmly.

"Goodbye. Have fun having no one to boss around anymore," I spit in his direction, then swung the door open. He was about to argue, but I put a hand up and smiled a bit deviously, once again making a split second decision. "Oh, and just so you know, I'm gay. Have fun stewing over that one." I chuckled to myself, then lifted my free hand and flipped them both off vulgarly. I then turned around and literally bolted out the door, just praying we could get away quick enough. My dad is so unpredictable, who knows what he'll do. He could chase me on foot and I wouldn't be surprised.

Once I was fully out in my yard, I held onto my camera while continuing to run through the grass and into the street. Ben and Bill were in the road, and looked at me with big eyes as I approached them.

"Go, go!" I yelled frantically, which seemed to snap them out of it. They both started running, as well, as I reached them. We ran down the road and got a few blocks down before turning onto a familiar street. I saw the group at the end of the street, waiting for us. Ben and I were a bit out of breath, but Bill seemed fine as we approached the group, coming to a stop slowly. Richie was already clapping dramatically, exclaiming some kind of congratulations at me. I didn't register any of it, my brain was a mess. I felt empowered, overjoyed, scared, and sad. I can't believe I did what I did. That's something Richie would do, not me. It just felt right in the moment, so I did it. But it definitely wasn't me.

"Hey! Stanley!" Richie yelled, getting up in my face. I blinked roughly and looked at him with big eyes, my breathing still heavy. He looked at me with raised eyebrows, looking expectant of something. I wasn't sure what was happening, but I couldn't help but smile. I smiled wide and started laughing, which everyone was confused by.

"I just flipped my parents off then left." I marveled in my own actions, still laughing lightly. Richie, still in front of me, got a surprised expression, then started laughing with me.

"Damn, Uris! I knew you had it in you!" He cheered while everyone else started laughing, as well. We just laughed, all of us seeming to let out a lot of stress while doing so. We laughed for a full minute or two before starting to calm down. I noticed that Bill had stopped laughing completely, so I looked over at him. He was already looking at me, his expression slightly troubled. I furrowed my eyebrows at him and was about to ask what was wrong, but Richie spoke up once more. "Ok, two things that I just don't understand," he commented, catching my attention. I rolled my eyes, already back to my normal self.

"And what are they, Richie?" I slightly mocked him, raising my eyebrows in his direction. He raised his hands in a surrendering manner, then let them fall back to his sides.

"One, why the fuck do you have a camera? And two, why the fuck did you make us bring your bike?" He demanded, motioning to my bike. "Like what the fuck?"

"Silence, Trashmouth, I know what I'm doing."


	14. 12»Lucas Can't Keep Track of His Anger

** _ Lucas _ **   
** _ Saturday, August 31 _ **

"Lucas! Your boyfriend is here," Erica spoke in a teasing tone as she led Mike into my sitting room. I stood up off the couch and rolled my eyes, then focused on Mike's bewildered expression.

"She does this, just ignore her like I do," I spat in her direction as she plopped onto the couch, occupying the spot I was just in. She ignored me right back, changing the channel that I was watching. I rolled my eyes again, and Mike laughed a little bit while shaking his head.

"Anyway, are you ready? We should get going so we aren't late," he suggested while backing towards the door again. I nodded and picked up my backpack before following him to the door.

"See you in a second." I smiled a little and he laughed, but nodded and left my house. I closed the door behind him and locked it before jogging to my garage, opening it hastily. My parents will probably yell at me later for not saying goodbye, but I don't care right now. Erica's been on my nerves all day, I don't have the energy anymore.

Once outside with Mike, he nodded at me in another greeting. I nodded back, then took in a deep breath and spoke up. "Ok, so, Dustin, Max, then Will. Right?" I reassured, putting my kickstand up and swinging my leg over the seat. He looked at me and then took in a deep breath of his own.

"Uh, actually, just Dustin and Will today," is all he said, making me squint my eyes at him. I tried to laugh, but sounded incredibly annoyed, shaking my head at him.

"What? What about Max?" I asked, sounding exasperated and accusing. He noticed immediately, and I expected him to come up with some excuse, but he rolled his eyes instead.

"I said she's not coming today. It's not like El will care, she doesn't like her at all. Everything will be better if she just stops coming." He huffed the end of his sentence out, seeming annoyed and passive aggressive. I just looked at him in disbelief before starting to ride away.

"You're lucky El is my friend, or I wouldn't even be coming with you to see her," I snapped at him as he rushed to follow me down the road. He was about to speak, but I beat him to it. "And don't think that means I'm calm. I'm pissed at her, too."

"Why the hell are you mad at her? She didn't do anything!" He spoke up in El's defense, but I shook my head firmly and yelled my next words out, hoping it would be the final word.

"She hates someone for absolutely no reason! That's wrong, if you ask me!" And much to my luck, he didn't reply. He pulled his lips into his mouth and kept them between his teeth, obviously to keep from saying anything else. I huffed, and that was it. The rest of the ride to Dustin's house was silent. Mike knows he screwed up, but that's not enough this time. He needs to own up to his mistakes and fix them, not just realize he did them. I've put up with it for a year, and that's enough to drive _anyone_ insane. Whenever I mess up, I'm yelled at and nearly kicked out of the party. Mike can do whatever he wants and he'll just get shunned for a few hours. It's bullshit.

Once Dustin was with us, he looked between the two of us before huffing, just as I had a moment ago. "What now?"

"Mike uninvited Max today. For no reason, might I add." This made Mike scoff, but I ignored it as we headed to Will's house. Dustin obviously wanted to speak up about it, but he stayed quiet, just letting us stew over it. I feel bad, Dustin always has to straighten Mike and I out. Granted, Mike is usually the reason we even need straightening out, but it's unfair to Dustin. Will doesn't help much, considering how overwhelmed he gets in tense situations, so it's always up to Dustin. I can tell he's sick of it, and I can't even blame him. He's been through a lot of shit himself, yet he always has to be the one to straighten us out. The adult, almost, even though he wants nothing more than to sit at home and be a kid. I'll have to remember to talk to him about that later.

Once Will came out of his house, we could all sense how things were about to get bad. Dustin and Will shared a look, Dustin giving him his famous "don't say anything" look, but Will couldn't hold back. He looked between Mike and I, then slowly spoke up.

"Where's Max?" He asked the inevitable question in a small voice, finally pushing my anger off the edge. I tried to keep it in, for the sake of Dustin more than anyone else, but I just couldn't.

"I have no idea. Mike decided that he's better than everyone else and can uninvite whoever he wants," I talked almost calmly, but my words were harsh. Harsh but also very true.

"I never said I was better than everyone else!" Mike retaliated quickly, causing me to turn and face him with an angry expression.

"Then stop acting like you are! And stop hating Max for absolutely no reason! She didn't do a single thing wrong to you or Eleven, so stop with this bullshit!" I shot back in an even louder voice, making him clench his jaw. He climbed off his bike and didn't even bother to stand it up, just letting it fall to the ground.

"We don't have to like her, Lucas! Just because you invited her into the party without anyone's permission doesn't mean I have to like her!" He tried to defend himself, but it didn't work. It only made me more mad, so I decided to also step off of my bike. He raised his arms out to his sides a bit in a manner that showed he was making fun of me, which caused me to huff roughly through my nose.

"I didn't say you had to like her, Mike! But no matter what your opinions on her are, you can't treat her like this! You shouldn't treat anyone like that!" I yelled as I stepped closer to him. " And I did not invite her against anyone's will! Dustin and I simultaneously invited her, and Will never had an issue with her! You're the problem, Mike! No one else, so just accept your mistakes for once instead of trying to blame everyone else!" He scoffed loudly at that, then turned quickly to Will, who looked slightly scared.

"Will! You didn't agree to have Max in the party, did you? You never asked for her to join!" Mike basically grilled Will, then watched as Will opened his mouth to talk, but couldn't get anything out. I could've sworn I saw him blink away some tears, too, which just made things worse.

"Alright, Mike, that's enough. Don't bring Will into this," Dustin finally spoke up, walking closer to Mike and trying to put a hand on his shoulder, but Mike just stepped away.

"Are you blaming me for this?" He then yelled at Dustin, making Dustin sigh heavily. I saw Will moving out of the corner of my eye, so I looked over and saw him very slowly open his front door. He didn't go inside, though, he just stepped back closer to us. I furrowed my eyebrows at him, all of a sudden unable to focus on Dustin and Mike's loud conversation. I was about to ask Will what was up, but I didn't need to as his mom suddenly showed up in the door and I understood.

"Boys!" She spoke loudly over them, snapping them out of it with her higher-pitched tone. They turned to look at her as she walked out, but stopped by Will and held him close. "What is going on? You're supposed to be at Hopper's," she stated simply, but had that very distinct motherly tone. She was basically telling us that we were wasting time over stupid stuff.

"Sorry, Miss Byers, we'll be on our way now," I spoke up so she could hear me, and she just nodded in response. She then turned to Will and whispered to him, probably to see if he was ok, and he started to nod and whisper back. I picked my bike back up and climbed on, giving Mike a hard look as I did so. He returned it while mimicking my actions and climbing onto his bike. Once Will was ready to go, we all headed in the direction of the cabin, staying completely silent.

There's probably a really quick way to get to El's cabin, but we've never tried to find it. The first route we ever figured out was to go to Mirkwood, then down a specific path that eventually leads to the cabin. It's the easiest path, even if it takes us longer to get there. So roughly twenty minutes later, we were arriving outside of El's cabin. When we were all done parking our bikes, Will stopped us.

"Guys, can we just try to get along? At least around El?" He asked shyly, looking mostly at Mike while saying this. Mike still seemed uptight, but then Will gave him a look I'd never seen before, which made Mike sigh and nod. I was more tempted than ever to ask what that look meant to them, but I decided now wasn't the best time to bring up their strange behavior. It's so often that I don't see the point in asking anymore.

We all climbed the few stairs before Mike knocked on the wooden door in a pattern that I still can't figure out. There was obvious movement inside before El swung the door open, smiling brightly at all of us. Her hair was now down to around her shoulders, and boy does she cherish it. She was in a simple t-shirt and shorts, then some pink socks. We all smiled back, slowly filing in through the door.

"Hey, El! How've you been?" Mike spoke up first, of course. El shrugged a little, still smiling.

"Bored. How about you guys?" She asked while tilting her head to the side. We all exchanged glances, everyone shrugging besides Dustin. We all looked at him with raised eyebrows when noticing his wide smile.

"We made a new friend, actually! Her name is Bev, I think you'd like her!" Dustin explained as El lead us to the sitting area. Once we were all sat down and El had fixed her hand into Mike's, she smiled once more.

"Tell me about her."

**~*~*~**

"I'm gonna get going now, guys. But it was great to see you again, El," I spoke up during a moment of silence, which made them all turn to me with confused expressions.

"Why so soon?" El asked slowly, tilting her head in question. I sighed a bit, unable to be physically mad at her. I really have grown to love her, and her being gone for a year was pretty terrible. Although I've never admitted it aloud, she's fun to hang out with. Her innocence is refreshing, and it's hard to be any form of angry around her. Even if she's incredibly rude to my girlfriend, and doesn't even ask why she's not here.

"I'm gonna go see Max. I'll see you soon, though," I stated simply, giving her a small smile before waving at the group. Before anyone could really protest, I headed for the door and slung my backpack over my shoulders. Once outside, I exhaled heavily, then took in a deep breath of fresh air. Today just isn't my day. I'm getting annoyed by everyone and everything. I know it's just because of Mike, but I shouldn't let it get to me so much. This is how people ruin friendships, and I never want to do that. Mike and I have our arguments, and our differences, but he's basically my brother by now. I can't lose him.

As I rode through the woods and then down the road, I made sure to breathe in as much air as possible. The outdoors have always been quite therapeutic for me, especially if I'm alone. So I took my time on the ride, and by the time I was pulling up to Max's house, I felt better. I was a lot more calm than I was when I left the cabin, so that's definitely good. The last thing I want is to be in a bad mood around Max, I'm sure she's sad. Or maybe even slightly mad at me for still going.

I hurried to her door and knocked a few times. I waited patiently, swaying on my feet before I heard the door start to unlock. But when it swung open, I was not met with the face I was expecting.

"Oh, hi Billy. Is Max home?" I kept it civilized and calm, even if I was secretly nervous around him. He huffed and rolled his eyes, but seemed to have the same idea as he shook his head.

"Nope, ran off with some other redhead. She dump you for a girl, Sinclair? Almost can't blame her, aside from the fact that it would make her a little fag," he grumbled his sentence out, bringing my anger back to the surface. But I still managed to keep it locked inside. I nodded firmly, not even saying goodbye before I turned around and headed back to my bike. "I'll take that as a yes!"

I started to ride away, raising my hand in his direction and flipping him off nonchalantly before continuing down the street. I hope Max is at Bev's house and they aren't out doing stuff.

I eventually saw Bev's house down the street and sighed to myself at the sight of it. I only know where it is because Max pointed it out to me, but it still makes me frown. Max lives in a small house because her family life is shit and her stepdad makes crappy money. I know Bev lives with her aunt, so I can't even begin to imagine what's gone on in her past. It saddens me to think about.

I knocked on the door quickly, taking in a deep breath. I feel almost nervous, and I don't truly know why. I've only talked to Bev a few times, and always in a group, so I hope she doesn't mind me just showing up at her house.

The door opened to reveal both redheads, making me smile a bit to myself. They smiled back and Bev opened the door for me enthusiastically.

"Lucas! Hey, I didn't expect you. Come inside," she greeted warmly, which surprised me slightly, but I obliged. Once I was inside, Bev closed the door before turning to Max and I with a knowing smile. "I'll leave you alone for a bit," she sounded almost like a mother figure with how smug and happy her tone was. She started to walk away, but then turned around and spoke up again. "Don't make out on my couch, by the way."

Once Bev said that then hurried away, I saw Max roll her eyes. I let out a small laugh before walking towards her. She looked slightly up at me, considering the crazy growth spurt I've had in the last year. She looked almost shy, like she had at the Snowball last year after our first kiss.

"Hey, I'm sorry Mike kicked you out. I had no idea he'd do something like that," I apologized immediately, wanting to get it out of the way. She surprised me by shaking her head in response.

"It's ok, Lucas. Obviously not your fault, so don't worry about it. Mike just really doesn't like me, for reasons unknown." She shrugged a little, giving me a small smile of reassurance.

"I don't understand, either. We got into a big fight, actually. Miss Byers had to shut us up. Mike was freaking Will out and shit. It was crazy," I explained quickly, which she raised her eyebrows at.

"Wow, that's awful. Is Will ok?" She asked quickly, looking concerned. I smiled on instinct when seeing it. I'm basically the only one that knows about her bond with Will. Ever since things calmed down last year, they've secretly gotten along really well. Max is really protective over Will and would probably do anything to protect him. It's actually really adorable, considering how much I love her protective and crazy side.

"Yeah, he's ok now. He was just overwhelmed. You know how he gets when people argue," I assured her, which she nodded to.

"You guys ok? Not making out, right?" Bev called out, her voice getting louder as she neared the room. Max rolled her eyes once more, turning around to face her friend.

"You're impossible. Lucas and I have only kissed once, by the way, unlike your last relationship. We're pure," Max seemed to tease Bev, and I just raised my eyebrows at the exchange. Bev's mouth dropped open, but she still looked amused.

"You're the worst, Mayfield."

"Back at ya, Marsh," Max shot back, making me chuckle and shake my head.

"You two are just adorable."


	15. 13»Mike Hanlon Makes a Decision

** _ Mike Hanlon _ **   
** _ Saturday, August 31 _ **

"Alrighty! Off to my house, right?" Richie cheered loudly, motioning down the road, in the direction of his house. Everyone nodded a bit, but I looked up at the nearly pitch black sky and squinted my eyes.

"Actually, I think I should get home, since I'm the only one that's actually staying home," I pointed out, raising my eyebrows at them disapprovingly. Lots of them nodded in agreement while Richie rolled his eyes.

"Then go home! Guys, if I don't do this now, I don't know if I can do it at all. My dad will _kill me_," Richie complained loudly. Way too loud for the time of day it was.

"Richie, you're overreacting. Let's just go get my bike. Then you guys can walk me home, say goodbye, and after that you can head for your house," I offered, but he shook his head frantically.

"Mike, I'm not overreacting. I don't think I'll make it out alive." He seemed serious enough, but we all know that even when Richie is serious, he's over exaggerating.

"Let's just get his bike and then decide," Ben cut in, which I was thankful for. I'm closest to Ben and Stan, and I'm only close to Stan because we have similar personalities. Although he is overly cynical, which is difficult to keep up with. I'm close to Ben because we're newbies. It's not like anyone excludes us, but we share a certain understanding, being the minor outcasts. I'm sure things will get better as time progresses.

Although, I guess they won't. Everyone is leaving, I'll probably never see them again. Damn, I'm friends with a bunch of fools.

"Yeah, let's go. We'll just hurry," Eddie encouraged, so we all walked as fast as possible in the direction of our downtown area. Stan had trouble, pushing his bike along. I also wanted to hit him over the head for that one; they can't ride their bikes all the way to Indiana. Bunch of idiots.

It felt like no time at all before we were outside the meat shop, and I hurried around to the side to retrieve my bike. It was still there, luckily. Someone easily could've taken it, but I guess it went unnoticed. I pushed it out to join the group, where Richie was arguing with Stan. What's new?

"Let's just walk him home, Richie! Are you seriously so selfish that you don't want to say goodbye? We're leaving! Never seeing him again!" Stan argued _very_ loudly, getting a bit closer to Richie. But Richie's so used to this that he stood in his same place, his stance barely even changing.

"Of course I wanna say goodbye! But why the fuck do we have to walk him home? I'm not his boyfriend, trying to compensate for the lousiest first date I've ever given!" Richie threw in a comparison for the hell of it, making Bill and I roll our eyes. "Stan, I need to go home!" Richie quieted his voice just slightly after a brief pause, and now he just sounded desperate. His voice rasped on his words, and his face showed no hint of a lie or joke. I was about to just give in and let us go to his house first, but Stan spoke up before I could.

"You don't. You'll never see them again, who gives a fuck about what your dad thinks of you tonight?" Stan's voice was quieter now, his voice actually _wavering_. I swear everyone is so emotional these days, it's getting on my nerves. Stan looks at Richie likes he's a million dollars that's inaccessible and it's starting to depress me. Part of me will be happy with the silence for a while once they're gone.

"G-Guys, stop. Let's j-ju-just head to Mike's," Bill cut in, the voice of reason when I'm no help. Richie turned on Bill, then, his expression somewhat enraged, but whatever look Bill wore made him keep quiet. Richie just huffed and stomped off down the road, but luckily in the direction of my house. We all followed along, Stan and I in the back, due to our bikes.

The walk was long and silent. I caught glimpses of Eddie's fingers brushing against Richie's as they walked, and I slowly watched Richie's muscles loosen. Stan noticed it, too, which I could tell by his red face and angry expression.

Once we finally arrived at my house, everyone was still pretty quiet. Stan had put a straight face on, Richie was obviously annoyed, but he stayed pretty calm. Ben was the first to speak up.

"Mike, last chance. You could grab a bag and come with us," he tried to convince me, his tone holding a desperate edge to it. I turned to look at him and studied him for a second, tucking my lips into my mouth while thinking.

"W-We can wait for y-you. While you p-pa-pack," Bill stuttered out, struggling a bit for some reason, which was obvious by his facial expressions. I then looked at him instead and took in a deep breath, shaking my head.

"I don't know. Let me go inside and see my grandfather, think it through while inside my house," I offered, but I was pretty sure it wouldn't persuade me. I don't have any reason to leave my home, I can't see why I would. I don't understand why some of them are running away, but I guess it's not my place to tell them how to handle their life. If they want to run away and brave the world all on their own, that's their decision.

"We'll wait for you. If you decide to stay, just tell us out your window." Ben laughed a little as he said this, then pointed at my bedroom window. I glanced at it, then nodded in agreement and moved to lean my bike against the side of my house. I started to walk inside, but still got to hear Richie protesting to the group, as I expected he would.

Once I was inside, I heard our television set on in the sitting room, which is most likely where my grandfather is. After our fight today, I contemplated not even going to see him. But if I'm gonna decide whether I want to stay or run away, I guess I need to see him.

I walked as noisily as possible towards and into the sitting room in hopes that he'd talk first. It seemed to work.

"Michael? Where have you been, boy?" He spoke up, but he wasn't facing me. I stopped in the doorway, taking in a deep breath before speaking up in a surprisingly even tone.

"I was with my friends, Grandpa, sorry. But I delivered the meat," I tried to justify staying out so late, although I knew it probably wouldn't help. My grandfather's never been fond of me staying out longer than necessary, since there's so much to do around here. Especially now that school has begun, even if it is a Saturday.

"With the white boys?" He asked as he spun his chair around to face me. My eyebrows immediately furrowed.

"Yeah, why?" I asked in confusion as to why he said 'white boys' how he did. He scoffed lightly as he stood up and walked past me, into the hallway. I didn't follow him, but I turned to face him.

"You're not home enough, Mike! We have so much to do before winter hits, and you're out all day with those rich white boys!" He suddenly raised his voice at me, which made me flinch. I was shocked for a minute, but then I felt that small spark of rage from this afternoon. It came back when hearing his words.

"Grandpa, they aren't rich. And we have plenty of time before winter! It was one last day of fun!" I argued back, which made him scoff again. I felt both anger and confusion, but I couldn't distinguish which was stronger.

"You bet it was the last time, because I don't want you hanging out with white trash anymore," he spit in my direction, jabbing a finger at me in the air. This is when all confusion dissipated, and all I could feel was white hot anger, coiling inside of me like I've never felt before.

"You can't just stop me from seeing them! They're the only friends I have, and I don't care if they're white! Why does that even matter?" I yelled louder than I meant to, which made his head snap to me in a hurry. His expression matched how I'm feeling right about now.

"White people will always turn on you! They'll never keep you around forever and you need to learn that now. You're not allowed to see them anymore. Unless you want to lose all of my respect and all of your own dignity," he attempted to threaten, but I barely heard him. I shook my head quickly, preparing for the possible backlash of my next reply.

"They're better than you! I'll side with them any day, Grandpa. They treat me like part of their family, and they understand me! Either deal with that or...lose me completely," I trailed off, suddenly remembering that they're standing outside. In the heat of the moment, I completely forgot that my friend group, my first group of friends, the closest thing I've ever had to a family...they're about to run away. They're about to run away as a family, and I'm stubborn enough to argue with them.

"I already lost my son, why not you too?" He grumbled out, then walked into his room and slammed his door behind him. I looked at his wooden door for a second in complete shock, my mouth open slightly and my eyes hazy.

After hearing that, I slowly turned around and went into my room. I didn't have many thoughts or feelings as I packed a bag of clothes. I didn't take much. Just a pair of shorts, an extra shirt, then a few pairs of underwear and socks. I got my wallet, which had barely any money in it, since my grandfather pays me basically nothing. But some money is better than none, so I put it in my bag. After that, I was so out of it and distraught that I couldn't think of much else to bring. I got my pocket knife and stuffed it inside with my clothes, then quickly glanced around my room. I saw my parents' photo album still sitting on my bed, which made me frown. I flipped through it and found a picture of all three of us, taken shortly after I was born. I walked back over to the bag I'm bringing and tucked it neatly inside so it wouldn't get ruined. I zipped the bag up quickly, then slung it over my shoulder and walked out into the kitchen.

I found a random piece of paper and flipped it over so I could see the back of it. I then rummaged around in the kitchen drawers until I found a pen. I looked down at the paper and simply wrote:

_'Grandpa,_

_I'm sorry if I was actually as bad as you said, but I don't think that was much of an excuse for what you said to me. If you truly don't care about me, then this won't mean much to you. Nonetheless, I'm sorry for being the third person to abandon you._

_Goodbye,_   
_Michael'_

Good enough for me, so I set down the pen and put the paper next to the coffee machine, where he'd definitely see it. Once I situated all of that, I immediately headed for the door. I see no reason to say goodbye to my house, or to dwell over this. That'll only change my mind once more, so I just left. I spared myself the hurt and left.

"Oh, fucking finally!" Richie exclaimed way too loudly once I opened the door. I shushed him, closing the door behind me. I locked it, but then left the key in the hole, so he could have it back. I held a blank expression as I turned back to the group.

"We heard some yelling. What changed your mind?" Eddie spoke up quickly, asking me the exact question I didn't want to hear. I took in a deep breath through my nose then shrugged.

"Nothing, not important. Let's get to Richie's house," I spoke in a dismissive tone, then picked my bike back up and started to walk away from my house. I caught a quick glimpse of their confused expressions, but I ignored it.

As we all walked away, my numb feeling didn't really leave. We were close to being completely off my farm when I finally allowed myself to look back at my house and my barn. I expected to feel something, but I didn't.

So I just kept walking.


	16. 14»Beverly Finds a Cabin

** _ Beverly _ **   
** _ Sunday, September 1 _ **

"Max, I swear, if you're waking me up again to go outside and be a kid, I'm kicking you out," I grumbled into my pillow, which made her scoff.

"No, I'm waking you to let you know that I'm going home. My family likes to keep up appearances, so we go to church on Sundays. I'll see you tomorrow at school," she explained vaguely, then left without a reply. I hadn't even opened my eyes, but I was already too awake to fall asleep again. Max needs to stop doing this to me, it's cruel and unusual punishment to wake me up before ten on a weekend.

I groaned deeply before pushing myself up into a sitting position and looking around my sunny room with squinted eyes. My clock reads eight thirty, which isn't as bad as it could've been, but I still feel grumpy. I guess getting up won't hurt, I can just eat and watch some tv.

I got up and did exactly that, getting some simple cereal and settling in on the couch to watch something. There really wasn't much on, but I eventually found Alvin and the Chipmunks, one of the best shows in history. I could only focus for a few minutes before my mind wandered off, which annoyed me, but I couldn't seem to focus back on the show. My brain had other plans as I thought about the bullshit story I fed Max last night. The whole thing made me miss the Losers, and made me wish I had met them under more normal circumstances.

After a solid ten minutes of thinking about my old friends, I was far too restless to sit and watch television. So I flipped it off and left my bowl in the sink, then went to get dressed. I eventually settled for my shorts and my pink tank top, deciding it doesn't really matter what I wear. I just want to go on a walk, I don't really care where to. Maybe I'll just roam until I find something cool to do.

I stepped outside and immediately noticed my shorts wouldn't work out for me. It's not cold, necessarily, but it's definitely not warm enough for shorts _and_ a tank top. So I hurried back inside and instead put on a pair of jeans, deciding I was too lazy to change my top. I'll be fine, it's not the first time I've been out in the cold in unsuitable clothing.

Once I finally set out for my walk, my mind resumed its earlier activities, as expected. I don't want to think about Derry. I don't want to think about Pennywise. Not because I'm scared, I'm really not. I haven't been afraid of him since he stole me, but that doesn't diminish what happened. The Losers would call me _insane_, but part of me is thankful to Pennywise. If it weren't for him, I probably wouldn't be friends with the Losers. I wouldn't have met Bill, or Ben, or any of them. I would've been alone. I don't thank Pennywise for what he did to all those kids, or to us, but I thank him for bringing me my family. I'm probably crazy for wanting to thank him, but I'm ok with that.

No, the real reason I don't want to think about Derry is because of my dad. My mom. My school, Greta, the town in general. I don't want to think about any of it. I want to forget it, erase it from my mind, along with the afterthought of Pennywise. But in order to do all that, I need to forget the Losers. And as much as I wish to erase my past, I can't erase them. I don't _want_ to erase them. I could train myself to forget about my hurt, I've done it before, but I can't forget them. I'd rather relive my hurt over and over again.

I was lost in my thoughts. So lost that when I looked up, I realized I was on a lone street, one I didn't recognize. I don't know where I am, all that I can see around me is trees. I could go back, or I could explore the woods, and we all know which I'd rather do. So I entered the trees, feeling sticks and acorns pop beneath my shoes. I walked aimlessly until I finally found a path, causing me to sigh in relief. I was beginning to think I was lost, but this path seems heavily travelled in both feet and bikes, so I think I'll be ok. I looked both ways down the path, deciding which way to go. Why did I decide to travel the path that would take me further into the woods? I don't know. I'll never know.

As I walked, I thought even more. But this time I completely blocked out any unnecessary thoughts of Derry, or Pennywise, or my father. I just thought about the Losers, and the times we were together. The good times, not the bad. Admittedly, there aren't many good times, but I'll accept a single good memory over none. So I thought about the pharmacy and the Quarry. I thought about when I talked to Ben for the first time, and when we all worked together to clean my bathroom. I thought about the day I said goodbye. And as I thought, I realized I have a lot more good memories than I gave my past credit for.

I was smiling to myself and staring at my feet when I realized I wasn't on the path anymore. Twice now, I've allowed my mind to wander so far away that I ignore my surroundings. One of these days, I'll accidentally kill myself, but I'm willing to take that chance. My brain is a far more desirable place to be.

I looked up, once again gauging my surroundings, and quickly noticed a bit of smoke in the near distance. I felt my eyebrows furrow at that, considering it's not cold enough for a fire yet. Not in my opinion, at least, but I guess that's not my decision to make for other people. Out of pure curiosity as to why someone would live in the remote woods, I walked closer until I could see a small cabin, which only confused me even more, because why the hell is there a cabin buried deep in the woods? That just doesn't make any sense.

It only took me a few more seconds before I noticed a bike perched against the side of the cabin. A very familiar bike, it looked like Mike's. I tilted my head a bit and thought for a moment, but quickly reached the only possible solution: this must be where his top secret girlfriend lives. A mischievous grin spread across my face without any control from me.

Against my better judgement, I searched for the best climbing tree I could find, and climbed as high as I could. I know it's wrong to spy on people, especially their homes, but my curiosity will always get the better of me. I sat for what felt like hours. Hell, maybe it was hours, I have no way of knowing. I couldn't hear much besides birds, leaves rustling, and occasionally I think I heard voices. But that was probably just a trick of my mind, so I ignored it.

I was about ready to leave. I was bored and hungry, nothing was happening. But just as I was about to climb down, I heard voices. Real voices, not phantom ones, I heard Dustin. That made me furrow my eyebrows, so I looked around and tried to spot him. Sure enough, coming from the path, I saw Dustin, Lucas, and Will. This made me smile, naturally. I love seeing Dustin.

They were talking about god knows what as I climbed down the tree as carefully as I could, so as not to make any noise. I made sure they were past me, near the house when I got to the ground. I ducked behind the tree and smiled deviously to myself. I have no idea why this is making me feel so giddy, but it is. Maybe because I small feelings for Dustin, not that I'd fully admitted that to myself yet.

"Dustin!" I whispered about as loud as I could, hoping only Dustin heard me, since he's trailing slightly behind Lucas and Will. He stood up straighter for a second and looked around, but didn't look back. I rolled my eyes and did it again; "Dustin!" That time he spun around and saw me, his face holding some measure of relief. I waved him over, but then put my pointer finger up to my lips. I don't want anyone else knowing I'm here.

"Hey, guys, you go on inside. My bike is acting up, I'll be in, in a minute," Dustin explained, looking back at Lucas and Will. They exchanged a look, but then nodded and just went to the door. They were let inside, but I couldn't see who let them in, which made me silently curse to myself. Dustin hurried over to me, after that. "Bev, what are you doing here?" I couldn't shake his worried tone.

"I was walking and stumbled across this place. Does Mike's girlfriend live here?" I asked without really thinking, or caring whether she's a secret or not. Dustin looked shocked, though.

"I-I..." He stuttered slightly, filling my stomach with a simultaneously sad but dull feeling. "Yeah, but you can't know any more of that yet. Just pretend you don't know, ok?" He looked at me so seriously that I nodded, saying yes without really wanting to. But it seems to mean a lot to Dustin, so I'll keep it at that.

"Fine, I'll keep it to myself," I assured, which made him sigh in relief. We then just stayed there, in silence, looking at each other. I eventually leaned my head against the tree, still looking at him, and watched his eyes melt into some form of nervousness. But I gave him time, I didn't bring it up. I could tell he was trying to work through his thoughts. He eventually sat up straighter.

"Bev, there's a homecoming dance on Tuesday. Will you go with me?" He asked quietly, but loud enough to hear, and I smiled widely. I felt my stomach flip, then blossom some butterflies, and I haven't felt this since Bill. So I allowed myself to soak in the feeling and nod.

"Of course I'll go with you, Dustin."

We split ways, me finding my way out of the forest and Dustin entering the small cabin. I allowed myself to be happy, even if there's so much to worry over. But I allowed myself to be happy, truly happy. Even people like me deserve happiness every once in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ew my writing was shit when I wrote this  
[I wrote this back a looong time ago lol like in 2018 or something]


	17. 15»Max Hears a Secret

** _ Max _ **   
** _ Monday, September 2 _ **

"It's only the first lesson, Max!" Bev insisted loudly as we walked down the hallway. I rolled my eyes dramatically at that.

"The first lesson of looove!" I teased, snickering deviously and watching her turn to me with big eyes. She shoved me roughly, causing me to stumble back and run straight into someone in the hall. I heard a loud bang as they no doubt put their hand out to stop themselves from face planting into the lockers. Once I had my balance, I spun around at the same exact time as they did. I came face to face with a very angry Mike Wheeler, and for a split second, I felt my skin prickle with fear. "M-Mike! I'm so sorry, Bev shoved me, I didn't mean to!"

"Save it, Max. Why do you have to be so annoying?" Mike spit back at me, still standing only a few inches in front of me. My eyebrows furrowed in frustration while my mouth simultaneously fell open in shock.

"Hey, Mike, chill. I shoved her, it wasn't her fault," Bev immediately stepped in, stopping me from fighting back. Mike's eyes switched over to Bev, his glare still prominent, even as he stared at Bev. Bev held her ground, raising her eyebrows in almost a challenging way at him. He stared at her for a minute before getting a pretty noticeable chill and turning away. He closed his locker roughly, glancing at Bev again, his expression now seeming somewhat concerned.

"There's something off about you. I'll figure out what it is," he attempted to threaten, but he still seemed somewhat uneasy. My eyebrows furrowed again as he walked away, but I had no time to comment on anything. Bev was pulling me down the hall before my brain even had time to catch up.

"Hey, what do you think he meant?" I rushed out, my brain catching up with my feet. She shook her head, still holding me by my forearm as we walked through the nearly empty halls.

"Nothing, Max, he's just being dumb," she mumbled out, making the face she makes when she's thinking. Either that or lying. Both?

"Well, he's always being dumb, but why did he look so frightened?" I pressed further, watching her jaw set tightly. It wasn't until then that I realized I wasn't paying attention to where we were going. She was leading me to the doors. "Wait, Bev, what about Dustin?" I hurried out, trying to pull my arm away.

"He'll understand! I need to get home," she insisted loudly, catching the attention of the few people around us. I just looked at her, right in the eyes, waiting for her to break. She stared back, eventually sighing deeply and reaching up to rub her eyes. "I've been lying to you, Max. I need to take you home and tell you what _really_ happened back in Derry," is all she said, which only confused me more. _What really happened?_

"Oh...ok. Um, should we at least tell Dustin? So he doesn't sit and wait for you?" I asked quietly, trying to rationalize the situation a bit. What could she have possibly lied about? And why did Mike's tantrum set her off like that?

"Yeah, you're right. We should. You stay here, I'll go tell him." She nodded firmly, immediately taking off down the hall. I watched her disappear, wanting desperately to follow along and eavesdrop, but I decided against it. She's already on edge, I don't want to actually set her off.

I'm trying to think of what she could've lied about. She told me everything! She said that her mom died from cancer when she was young, which made her dad an alcoholic. He would occasionally abuse her, but not bad enough for her to tell anyone. She met the Losers over the summer while buying tampons, which made me laugh for a full ten minutes. She got together with Bill-in some capacity-and they spent most of their summer either swimming, playing games at their arcade, or just exploring. Then, her dad died of alcohol poisoning, which is what caused her to move here. What could she possibly have lied about? Her mom, maybe? Or Bill? And why did she decide to break only two days after telling me? Was it really Mike who set her off like that?

I had no time to figure it out. She appeared again, with Dustin at her side. They made their way to me slowly, both smiling like fools. It made a small smile spread across my face, as well, seeing them happy. I know they both deserve it.

"Your chemistry warms my heart," I called out, earning some pretty synchronized eye rolls. They eventually reached me, but not before whispering something to each other. I squinted my eyes in suspicion, although I know they'll never tell me any of what they say. Bev's made that one pretty clear.

"Let's go, Mayfield. Out." She ushered with a teasing smile on her face, waving her hands in the direction of the doors. I laughed a little and turned around, pushing the heavyweight door open and hurrying outside. I immediately let one side of my skateboard fall to the ground, kicking the rest of it down with my foot and gliding easily through the parking lot, to the bike rack. Bev and Dustin eventually caught up, still talking as they neared, which was good news for me! I finally heard something from their conversations.

"He'll come around, trust me. He just has major trust issues, with everyone he meets. He doesn't even trust Max, so he's bound to be skeptical of you," Dustin spoke as quietly as he could, even if he's Dustin and that's not quiet at all. I can only assume they're talking about Mike, since it's pretty obvious. I rolled my eyes slightly at his comment. Mike is more likely to trust Bev than me, I don't know what he's talking about.

"Yeah, but he was so nice to me the first day I hung out with you guys. I thought we'd be close," Bev spoke quietly back as they finally reached me, both of them going silent. I looked over at them and raised my eyebrows.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear a thing if you promise me some ice cream." I smirked at Bev, who rolled her eyes once again. She smiled with half of her mouth, shoving me for the second time today, but a lot lighter this time.

"Deal!" She relented while laughing lightly. I celebrated silently, making Bev laugh once more.

"Alright, you two, let's go," Dustin encouraged as he got his bike out from the rack. He climbed on, then waited for Bev to join him. One of the guys always gives her a ride, no matter who it is. We have a plan to get her a bike, but until then, this is easiest. So we all headed out of the parking lot, Dustin and Bev on a bike and me on my skateboard.

The ride was silent, as expected. We didn't say a word until we approached Bev's house. And, of course, it was me who broke the silence.

"Stop whispering to each other! It looks very inappropriate from my angle!" I scolded loudly, considering how close they were. Bev was whispering to him, it was obvious, but it just looked like she was kissing his neck or something. Bev shot away from him and turned to glare at me.

"Max, shut up!" She yelled at me, fake gagging for emphasis. I nodded quickly, looking back forward as we pulling up outside of her house.

"Yeah! I'm gagging, too!" I yelled back, using my foot to flip my skateboard up into my hand. I tucked it under my arm as she groaned loudly. Dustin looked slightly red, but he only chuckled.

"You guys fight like a married couple. Have fun!" He called before waving and already starting to ride down the road again. Bev watched him leave, then looked back to me and slowly let a smile spread across her face.

"You're the worst, Mayfield," she insisted, but her smile said different. I smiled back, shrugging my shoulders.

"I try my best, Marsh," was my reply before I reached up and dramatically flipped my hair over my shoulder. She rolled her eyes for the millionth time today while I laughed. "C'mon, let's go to my house and get some stuff. I'll just sleep over, my mom won't care that it's a school night."

"My aunt might care. I should probably ask her," she contemplated, looking up at me as she reached up to rub her chin in dramatic emphasis. I snorted a bit, both of our laughter following shortly after.

"She won't even be home until late, we both know that!" I laughed out, already grabbing her hand and pulling her down the street, towards my house. She chuckled and followed me easily. We slowly calmed down, falling into a small silence. It wasn't until now that I remembered our purpose. "I can't help but ask, Bev, what could you possibly have been lying about?"

The silence that followed my question felt like hours. She didn't even look at me the whole time. It must've been minutes upon minutes, considering we were arriving at my sidewalk by the time she finally replied to me.

"Almost everything," was her simple, yet terrifying answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gag this is so bad


	18. 16»Richie Takes a Beating, and Stan Has a Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: this chapter contains abuse

** _ Richie _ **   
** _ Saturday, August 31 _ **

The muffled yelling that came from Mike's house was enough to send us all into a still silence. Even _I_ couldn't think of anything to say, which always shows the sincerity of a situation. I just felt like any words would be too loud or too inappropriate. I wouldn't normally care about that, but my entire day has been crazy different. My emotions are out of wack, especially right now.

I know I may not make it out of my own house alive, but I guess it's worth a shot. It's better than trying to run away without clothes or money. And I guess it's worth the beatings if it means Mike will come with us. So even as my imagination flashed images of my future at me, I didn't regret coming to Mike's first. We need our lucky seventh member.

We walked away from his farm slower than usual, the mood of the group especially down and contained. The way Mike looked back at his house was enough for a chill to run down everyone's spine. He didn't seem to have any emotions when he did, he just glanced at it with blank eyes and then faced forward again. I found myself feeling uneasy at the look, but I wasn't about to show it, much less ask him what happened. So we all stayed quiet during the walk. Well, for most of it. Mike eventually got annoyed by our silence.

"Guys, I'm fine, can we please not be so silent?" He sounded irritated, but also just like he was tired. We're all tired, but we need to get my stuff, and then Eddie's. Eddie will be easier, we can just shove him through his window. I'm the time consuming one.

"So, we're going to Richie's?" Eddie immediately spoke up, obviously just trying to change the subject before anyone could make it worse.

"Attempting to," I added in, which made him sigh and nod. I sighed right back, unable to help it when thinking about this. It would've been bad enough a few hours ago, but now it's even later. If my dad is awake, things will _not_ go well.

"Richie, can I ask you a question?" Ben suddenly asked aloud, which made me snort and get a funny comeback.

"You just did," I replied before laughing to myself. Everyone rolled their eyes in perfect unison, but Ben actually smiled. He nodded but then went on to ask his real question.

"What's so bad about your house? You've never gone into detail," he pointed out, and now I wish I hadn't agreed to this question. I tried to come up with a good answer, or maybe even a good lie, but I turned up blank.

"Honestly, I don't plan to go into detail," was my reply, which made everyone glance at me like I'd just told some major secret. "I just don't want to describe it and have all of you pity me."

"Well, we know you don't eat much. We know your parents yell at you when they drink, and they also yell at each other, but none of that would make you so scared to go home right now," Mike listed off in a mumble, only half directing the actual words at me. Ben nodded along, and I felt ready to yell at them, but I think Bill noticed.

"G-Guys, it's not imp-port-tant why," he spoke up loudly, basically ensuring I don't try and talk over him. Mike and Ben looked between Bill and I, then nodded a little.

"You're right, sorry," Ben agreed, and then we all went silent again. Eddie was walking as close to me as possible, I felt his hand brush against mine every once in a while. It didn't make everything better, but the small touch was enough to keep me calm. The walk was brutal, it felt more like I was walking to my death than to my house. If Eddie's hand hadn't been brushing up against mine every few seconds, I probably would've backed out. But I know Eddie can't stay here, for whatever reason, and I'm willing to do anything for him. So if I come out with a few bruises, oh well. It's worth it, for Eddie, and nothing I can't handle.

"You know, it's almost midnight. They could be asleep and you could sneak in and out, no problem," Mike informed me while glancing at his wristwatch, which made me furrow my eyebrows, but I only nodded. Have we really been out this long? I know we're walking everywhere, but I didn't think it would take us this long. But now that I look around at us, I realize how slow we're walking. The mood of the group is bittersweet. Sweet, due to the fact that we're finally escaping this hellhole. But the rest of it was bitter, full of worry and anger and maybe even regret.

"Rich, should we stay back or can we come near the house?" Eddie spoke up once we were roughly a block away. They slowed down as if to talk, but I just kept walking, shrugging a bit.

"Doesn't look like they're awake, so you can come wait outside. Stay beneath my window, I'll probably throw my bag out to you guys so I don't make any unnecessary noise when I leave. If they wake up, I'm fucked," I explained as vague as I could, which they nodded to without question. We approached my house, my stomach flipping as if I would throw up. I know they're asleep and things will be ok, but I'm still nervous.

"Ok, w-we'll wait f-for you h-he-here." Bill smiled lightly, recognizing the look on my face. I nodded, not saying anything before rounding the corner of my house and approaching the door. If my dad wakes up while I'm inside, I think this will be the end of me. But I have no choice, so the most I can do is try to be as quiet as possible. Once inside, I navigated the stairs as best as I could, skipping the creaky ones and being gentle with the others. I managed to do just fine, then tiptoed down the hall and to my room. I sighed a bit once I was inside, but I was still as quiet as possible.

I honestly don't know what to bring, I don't own much. So I got my backpack and emptied it, then put a few pairs of pants and a few shirts in. After that, I really couldn't think of anything other than Derek, a generic stuffed bear that I've had since I was a baby. It's the only thing my mom's ever bought for me that I kept, so I consider it to be pretty special. I put him in my bag, and that was it. I can't think of anything else I could possibly bring, so I decided not to waste any time on it. Every minute I'm here is one minute closer I am to getting caught.

I walked to my window and slid it open, leaning out to look at everyone, who was also looking up at me. I examined all of them and let out a small sigh. We're running away, I'm escaping. I'll be ok.

**~*~*~**

** _ Stan _ **   
** _ Sunday, September 1 _ **

"It just passed midnight. You think he's gonna be ok?" Mike asked aloud, but made sure to whisper, just in case. I shrugged, but Eddie nodded.

"As long as he's quiet and doesn't wake them, he'll be fine," Eddie assured him, which leads us all to go silent and listen. I shift from foot to foot, suddenly getting worried about him, which was annoying. But he's taking longer than I thought he would, although there's no yelling, so I guess he's ok. I just can't shake this uneasy feeling.

Just as I thought that, though, his window slid open and he leaned out. He smiled lightly, then pulled back into his room and instead extended his backpack out. He gave us no warning before dropping it, where I had to catch it as quick as possible. I made a surprised noise when it smacked into my chest, but it didn't hurt. Richie leaned back out and gave me a wicked grin.

"Sorry, Stanley!" He whisper-shouted, but I just rolled my eyes and went to hold the bag properly.

"Richie, come on! Hurry out!" Eddie encouraged, obviously anxious to get Richie out of the house. Richie started to nod, but then stopped and got a look of realization on his face.

"Wait, one more thing! I'll be out quickly!" He nearly cheered, then disappeared without another word. Eddie huffed, staring at the window that's still open. We all went silent again, waiting impatiently and anxiously. I eventually got bored, so I unzipped Richie's bag and peaked inside. I snorted a little, pulling the small bear out of the bag slightly.

"He's bringing Derek," I mocked a bit, making Eddie and Bill roll their eyes. Eddie stepped towards me, about to scold me, but that's when there was a loud yell from inside the house. We all froze, none of us really hearing what was said. I could tell it was his mom, but nothing else. I slowly put Derek back in the backpack, then zipped it and held it loosely. We all stood stone still, listening for more. There wasn't much, but we are outside while they're inside, so I don't expect to hear movement. When there finally was something more to hear, though, it wasn't good.

"Where do you think you're going?!" We heard his father's voice next, causing a lump to form in my throat.

"No, Dad, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Richie's voice came almost immediately after, the breaks in it proving that he's already crying. We didn't hear much, just some sort of movement along with Richie's cries of pain. Eddie had already started crying lightly while the rest of us just stood in utter shock. Richie's gotten knocked around a few times, a few bruises here and there, but nothing like this. Not that I know of, at least. But I didn't have time to contemplate it. "D-Dad, _please_!"

The sound gravitated more towards the front of the house, so we slowly followed, standing out in the front yard. The house was still dark and the only noise continued to be Richie's crying. Not one of us moved or said anything, we just stood and listened. Everything started to blur together in my head. Richie's cries, his dad's yelling, his mom's frantic screams. It all blended into one thing, my own eyes tearing up the tiniest bit at the sounds. The only thing that pulled me back to my surroundings was a new sound; Richie's coughing.

"Wentworth, you're _killing_ him! Let him go!" His mom suddenly screamed loud enough for us to hear her through the walls. My eyes widened as the front door swung open. Richie tumbled out and fell to the ground, obviously being thrown by his dad. He continued coughing violently as we all hurried to his side. He continued to cough until a small amount of blood came out, making Bill and I glance up at the house. Wentworth was standing there and sneering at us, which made me even more mad. But Bill beat me to the punch.

"F-Fuck you!" He yelled loudly, startling Eddie slightly, who was leaning next to Richie and trying to check his injuries. Wentworth grumbled angrily, but Maggie ran up and shut the door before anything else could happen. Once the door was closed, Mike and I leaned down to helped Richie stand up. A subconscious part of me felt his backpack slip from my hands, but I was too focused on Richie to notice. He was still coughing slightly, but not nearly as bad. Blood was trickling from his nose, but I was more concerned about the small amount of blood dripping from his mouth.

"Richie, are you ok? Talk to me, please," Eddie pleaded quietly, tears still slowly falling from his eyes. Richie only continued to cough, his head hanging low. I started to walk him out to the street, just wanting to get him away. Far, far away. Mike helped me, but he hesitated.

"Shouldn't we wait?"

"We have to get him away! Anywhere, just not here," I babbled out, my sentence not making much sense. But Mike nodded anyway, probably knowing not to argue, so we all worked on getting Richie to the street. "Uh, Ben, go get his bike," my tone was frantic, as was my mind. Ben nodded and hurried to the house, grabbing Richie's bike from the side of it, pushing it out towards us.

"We need to get him somewhere safe where we can check his wounds," Eddie spoke up, then looked around frantically. "We need to find him somewhere safe, and then I need to go home and get my stuff. I can get first-aid!" He assured, which we all agreed to.

"Let's just get him into the woods. That's the safest place to bunk for the night, sadly," Mike suggested, which once again caused us all to agree.

It took what felt like years, there was a lot of pain, but we eventually found a suitable place. We set Richie against a tree, who hadn't said a word. We all stood around him, just staring at him.

"Rich, please talk to us," Eddie whispered, but Richie only shook his head in response. "Well, I'm gonna go get my stuff and get some supplies to take care of you with. Ok? I'll be back," he continued to talk softly, and in any other situation, I'd be fuming with jealousy. But hearing and witnessing what I just did, I don't have the energy. Just as I thought that, Richie reached up and wiped some blood off of his mouth, then nodded.

"C'mon, Ben and I will take you," Mike spoke to Eddie, who nodded and slowly walked off with them. Bill sat down next to Richie, but I continued to stand. Once again through a cloud of dizzying emotions, I noticed Bill set down Richie's backpack, which he must've retrieved before we left.

Bill hasn't said anything, either, so I don't really know what to do. I'm with two of my lifelong best friends, but neither of them seem to be ok as I take in Bill's expression.

"R-Rich, I'm so s-sorry," Bill suddenly mumbled, which made both Richie and I look at him with confused expressions. "I knew he was h-hur-hurting you. I d-didn't do an-nyth-thing," he mumbled more, and I watched as Richie slowly turned more to face Bill.

"You couldn't do anything, I'm fine." Richie's voice was raspy and hoarse from the coughing. I scoffed at that, finally plopping down on the ground in front of them.

"You coughed up blood, Richie. Allow yourself to not be ok for once," I spoke seriously, daring to make eye contact with him while I said it. He looked at me for a second with equally as serious eyes, but then smiled slightly.

"You were so worried about me, Stanley." He still held a smart ass tone, even after getting the shit beat out of him.

"I reiterate, you coughed up blood. Anyone would be worried," I tried to save my ass, but nothing really gets past Richie. He soaks in his surroundings like a sponge.

"You were more worried than Eddie," he pointed out, but this time his smile wasn't as big. Bill glanced between us, then cleared his throat.

"Sp-Speaking of Eddie, a-are you t-two dati-ing?" Bill asked before our previous conversation could continue. But the new subject didn't help, and I went completely numb when Richie nodded weakly, leaning his head back against the tree. I stared at him, watching his chest slowly rise and fall. I examined his bloody face, and how it was red, no doubt gonna be bruised within the next few hours. I looked at his long eyelashes, magnified by his slightly bloody, cracked glasses. I stared and I knew. I knew that even after hearing the most earth shattering news of my life, this won't go away. He won't go away from my mind, ever. Richie Tozier is my first love, yet Eddie Kaspbrak is his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok y'all I'm sorry if this sucked. I wrote it on 12-21-18, during a major writers block period. So if it's not amazing, that's why.
> 
> —
> 
> Wow it's actually shit wym^^  
This is embarrassing


	19. 17»Beverly Tells the Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: this chapter might be slightly boring. It's basically Max and Bev describing their experiences in their own words. Sorry if it's boring.

** _ Beverly _ **   
** _ Monday, September 2 _ **

"There, right there. See it?" I pointed at the sky eagerly, watching Max's eyes squint slightly. She studied the sky for a minute, but then shook her head.

"It looks nothing like an eagle, Bev," she sounded disapproving, making me sigh and roll my eyes.

"But do you see it? Aquila is a famous constellation, Max! How could you not know it?" I gave my own disapproving statement. "The star you see most is Altair, then the connecting stars make Aquila," I explained once again, watching her shrug a little. "I hate you." I laughed a bit while saying so, watching her sit up. She reached behind her head and raked her fingers through her hair, trying to clear out any grass.

"Bev, I don't know anything about space. Why do you?" She asked with a small teasing smile, but I could tell she was actually asking.

"I didn't have much to do back home. It took this many years to get friends. Before that..." I trailed off, turning back to the sky. "It was just me and the stars." I finished, feeling her eyes on me as I stared ahead.

"Bev, will you talk about it now?" She suddenly whispered, making a small frown spread across my face. I frowned directly at Aquila, but then sat up and faced her in the grass. She looked as serious as Max can get, so I nodded a little and sighed.

"It's just a lot to take in, ok? I'm warning you now." I raised my eyebrows at her, watching her nod.

"It's ok, I can handle it," she assured, which made me chuckle a little. She may be speaking too soon.

"Ok, well...some of it was true. My mom died when I was young, of cancer. It was inoperable. Then my dad did abuse me, but it wasn't as mild as I put it. I don't want to go into detail, but it was pretty bad," I started, then looked down at my lap for a minute. She stayed quiet, silently encouraging me to continue. "I've been bullied for a long time. I've always been called a slut, because one time these two jerks almost took advantage of me in the street. My dad came home before it could get to that point, but it didn't stop them from spreading the rumor that I spread my legs for any boy who's willing. It was the only time I was ever happy to see my father, actually. Anyway, I've been bullied ever since, so I didn't have any friends-"

"Bev, stop saying it as if it's still going on. You're here now, no one is going to say anything awful about you," Max cut me off and talked to me softly, which made me look back up at her. I stayed quiet for a minute, then nodded lightly.

"Ok, then I _was_ bullied. Up until the very day that I came here, since I was hanging out with a group of boys. Didn't really help my cause, but I didn't care, I was occupied with more important things.

"The tampon incident was real, that's how I met them. They were stealing supplies to fix up Ben, who'd been cut up by this douche named Henry Bowers. Mike wasn't there yet at this point. But anyway, I helped them steal it and then Bill invited me to go swimming with them. That day is when we actually became friends. Oh my gosh, you should've seen them when I was drying off in my undergarments." I suddenly laughed at the memory, and she joined in quickly.

"I can only imagine the way they all stared at you!" She nodded enthusiastically, probably mentally imagining the situation.

"Even Eddie, who I was sure was gay!" I laughed a little, but then shook my head and took in a deep breath, wanting to continue and get it over with. "Ok, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just briefly describe it and you're just gonna have to believe me.

"Bill's younger brother had gone missing earlier that month, along with a few other kids. They were trying to find him, and...long story short, we discovered Pennywise. Everyone else calls him _IT_, but I call him Pennywise. He was a clown, but a supernatural demon or some shit. He fed on kids. He took Georgie, Bill's brother, and we ended up defeating him in the end," I explained as vaguely as possible, considering I doubt she'll believe me. Her face was hard to read.

"Why do you call him Pennywise?" She eventually whispered again, which shocked me. She's believing me?

"Uh, well...at some point, I was taken by him. I woke up in the sewers, where he'd make the kids float. I tried to find a way out, but then he appeared and did a dance for me. I was terrified at first, I honestly was. His name is Pennywise the Dancing Clown, which is honestly so fucking stupid. But anyway! Again, long story short, he tried to eat me, but he couldn't. I wasn't afraid of him, and he only likes fear. He feeds on the fear of children, but I wasn't scared."

"How weren't you scared?" Max immediately spoke up, luckily not questioning anything else. I don't feel like explaining what 'floating' is, or really anything else about the situation.

"I grew up with things worse than him, Max," I answered simply, which made her slump a bit. She stared into my eyes sadly, but then she suddenly sat up straighter again.

"Wait...Bev, you said your dad died of alcohol poisoning or something. Did he actually die from Pennywise?" She questioned in pure interest, but I felt my stomach churn at the question. That's the only thing I never want her to know about, but now she's asking. And how do I come up with an excuse? I can't lie, she'll catch on. She already knows that Pennywise feeds on children, she'd put it together eventually. So I slowly shook my head. "Why do you look so scared all of a sudden?" She asked quietly, examining me in detail.

"He was gonna do it again, Max. I couldn't deal with him touching me like that anymore, I couldn't. So I told him no. I said I wasn't his little girl anymore, and he got violent. He tried to force me, but I escaped and hid in the bathroom. I-I was behind the shower curtain, since I knew he'd look there, and once he did, I...I hit him, with the ceramic lid of the toilet. He died, quickly. That's when I was taken," I explained as quickly as possible, refusing to look into her eyes. I sensed she was about to speak up, to assure me it was ok, so I shook my head. "Don't say it's ok, Max. I wasn't sad, regretful, any of it. I killed him, I watched him die, then I was ready to walk away like nothing had even happened."

"Bev," she tried to get my attention, but I just kept going.

"He was my dad. I killed him. That's what Mike senses from me, you know. I killed my father and didn't feel remorse. I _still_ don't feel remorse, Max," I continued to babble on, unable to help it.

"Beverly! Listen to me," she talked over me, getting my attention with my full name. I looked into her eyes again, trying to understand how she looked so calm. "Beverly, he did bad things to you. Probably for as long as you can remember, and he put you through hell. You were protecting yourself against a monster."

"He was human, my dad-" I tried, but she shook her head and kept talking.

"He was as much a monster as Pennywise. Anyone that inflicts so much pain upon someone else does not deserve empathy. You don't have to feel bad for feeling no remorse, Bev," she tried to assure me, but I still wasn't feeling ok about it. I've murdered someone, regardless of who and what they did to me. I murdered a person and didn't care.

"Why do you even believe me about Pennywise?" I decided to change the subject, afraid my stomach wouldn't be able to handle any more talk about murder. It was her turn to sigh and look down at the grass.

"I'm not allowed to tell you, technically. Everyone else went through more than I did, but I was here for the second half of it," she started, which made me furrow my eyebrows. She's talking as if she had her own Pennywise. "There was a monster here, too. Before I came, it was the Demogorgon. Or, that's what they call it, I don't imagine it had a real name. But once I was here, it was the Shadow Monster. I think they called it the Mind Flayer, they get all these names from their stupid Dungeons and Dragons."

"You're meaning to tell me that you guys had a monster, too?" I asked in disbelief, but not because I thought she was lying. Simply because what are the odds that I join two of the most problematic friend groups in history?

"Yes, we did. Two, technically three if you count Dart. That was Dustin's pet Demo Dog, his name was Dart. Don't even ask.

"_Very long_ story short, the Shadow Monster possessed Will. We had to fight it, then close what they called 'The Gate', which could only be done by..." She suddenly trailed off, glancing up at me.

"Oh come on! I just confessed to murder!" I whisper shouted at her, which made her start to laugh. I tried not to, but soon joined in, both of us laughing pretty hard. "Tell me!" I eventually ordered. She tried to calm down, nodding a bit.

"Mike's girlfriend. Her name is Eleven, but the story about her is for another day. Basically, she's...special. She can move stuff with her mind, it's crazy," Max spoke with big eyes, which made my eyes widen.

"No way!" I protested, which made her roll her eyes so hard, I think they almost popped out of her head.

"We both just talked about impossible demons and monsters tormenting us, and you can't believe in telekinetic powers?" She scolded me, which once again made me laugh.

"You know what, those are completely different things! I know monsters are real, I didn't know superpowers were as well," I explained in my own defense, which made her sigh a little. She squinted her eyes and suddenly laid back down in the grass, staring at the sky.

"Makes you wonder...how many myths and fantasies are actually true?" She asked quietly, then looked over at me with big blue eyes. Her question sent a rock straight down my throat and into the pit of my stomach. "What else is out there?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually like this chapter.  
Bonding is important.


	20. 18»Eddie Wishes for a Sign

** _ Eddie _ **   
** _ Sunday, September 1 _ **

If I'm ever having an anxiety attack and can't communicate to people for a minute, Richie and I have a system. I hold up however many fingers is necessary to indicate how bad I am, and when I'll be able to talk again. It applies to all situations where we can't or don't want to talk, but we've never needed to use it at any other time than my attacks.

I stare at my boyfriend and mentally scream at him to give me a show of fingers, to let me know what's going on. But he doesn't move, and I know he doesn't plan to. I can almost feel my face contorting into pain and horror as the seconds pass.

"Rich, please talk to us." I heard myself whisper, but I hadn't really realized I was moving my lips. All I could feel was dread as the image of Richie coughing up blood played on a loop in my brain. "Well, I'm gonna go get my stuff and get some supplies to take care of you with. Ok? I'll be back."

He didn't answer, only reached up to wipe some blood off of his mouth, then nodded. And it took every muscle in my body, not just my face, to push my horrified expression away. I kept it neutral as I heard Mike speak up from beside me.

"C'mon, Ben and I will take you," he offered, which I nodded at, mimicking Richie's silent reply.

My shoes felt as if they had lead in them as I led the way down the road. I tried to keep my steps normal, but I ended up having to force my feet along, so I stopped picking them up off of the asphalt altogether. The more my thoughts raced, the heavier I felt.

Why couldn't he have held up some fingers? Or at least look me in the eye? Anything to indicate that he'd be ok, even if not right then. Of course he wasn't _ok_, how could he be? But I wish he could've given me a sign. Anything to slow my heart, which was now in my throat.

"Eddie, what's going on?" Ben's voice sounded fuzzy, and I had to look at him again to be sure he was actually right next to me, not ten feet away like he sounded. "You're dragging your feet and you look like you just witnessed a death. What's wrong?"

"Ben," Mike cut in before I could talk, his tone implying that Ben should shut up and not ask me stuff like that. My brain spent about an ounce of energy trying to figure out why, but then got too exhausted and moved on.

"Nothing, I'm just tired. Worried about Richie," I spoke honestly, even if not openly. I _am_ tired, I feel like I've been awake for days. Laying down in bed right now, warm and familiar, sounds like heaven. And I can see my house in the distance, which suddenly has a gravitational pull, beckoning me closer. But I know I can't stay there, I know I can't sleep in my bed.

"We can try to sleep once we get back to the group," Mike immediately offered, even if it felt like years later with how slow my brain was running. My processing speed was at an all time low, and I couldn't help but think about the tortoise and the hare.

"Will your mom be up? Wondering where you are?" Ben suddenly spoke up with urgency, obviously worried by this possibility. But I shook my head as best as I could in my bleary state. I'm sure my head only moved a centimeter to each side, but it was good enough for me.

"She takes pills to make her sleep. No matter what." I didn't bother explaining further, even after catching the concerned look Ben and Mike shared. They probably should be concerned, considering how many times I've been left to my own devices. Especially when I was just a bit older than a toddler, which is even more worrisome. But oh well.

"Ok, so are we going to your window?" Mike offered again, always the one to step in with an action or solution instead of continuing awkward conversations. I nodded, this time fairly sure it was noticeable enough for them.

Mike leaned down on one knee in front of the window without me having to tell him to, which would've embarrassed me on any other occasion. But this time I was thankful that I didn't have to speak.

I put a foot into his cupped hands and let him lift me the small amount to my window. An average person could reach it on their own, but I'm just short enough to need a small boost. It's slightly humiliating, I can feel the embarrassment gnawing at my edges, even through my blank horror.

Once I had my window open enough for me to slip inside, Mike lifted me higher and I managed to pull myself in without falling and making a lot of noise. Even if my mom wouldn't wake up from a simple bump, it's better to be safe than sorry.

I barely saw what I was doing as I gathered everything. Maybe I shouldn't be letting this affect me so much, but I've never seen Richie so badly hurt. And I've definitely never been there to hear and witness it, so it feels worse than it probably is. I'm always the one getting hurt, never Richie. And maybe it's just in my head, but now that we're official, everything feels more intense.

Without much effort, I seemed to get everything gathered. By the time I was paying full attention again, most of my things were in a bag. I only had a few more essentials from the bathroom, then the first aid supplies. Those took even less concentration, the order of the medicines and bandages burned into my brain from past uses. I probably knew what medicine was before I knew how to talk.

I can't stop thinking about the system. Richie knows how important it is to me, I thought he would use it. I know all of our friends were around, but I don't think they'd question it much after such an intense day. I wish I could move on from it, but I can't. It's our system, it's what we agreed on. It holds no meaning if he won't use it.

I could feel irritation start to overshadow the sorrow, which is probably unfair, but I let it go on nonetheless. I _am_ bothered. Bothered that I heard him get beaten by his own father and he can't even give me a damn show of fingers.

Once back to my window, I can feel my eyebrows furrowed and my jaw clenched in frustration. I once again used all of my energy to push it away before they could see me, which must've worked, because neither of them commented on it.

"I'll take your bag," Ben offered, putting his arms up to grab it from me as I held it out through the opening. He took it easily, then stood back to let me climb out. Mike tried to lend me a hand, but I shook my head immediately.

Once I had my bike, we were back to walking down the road. And I could feel my thoughts sucking all of my irritation back to the surface, so I decided to try and bring up a new topic.

"Shouldn't we go get Ben's bike while we're out?" I asked, almost surprising myself which how sudden the thought was.

"Oh, true, yeah. Let's go," Ben nodded, then it went quiet again. Silence is not good for me right now. So I then chose to bring up something that actually has been on my mind for a few days.

"Is Stan acting weird to you guys?"

They then shared a look that made it clear I was unaware of something, and the irritation I've been struggling with so hard spilled into my throat and my vision. I felt it threatening to burst out of me, but I managed to swallow and blink it away by the time Mike spoke.

"Uh, I guess. He does seem more emotional lately." Him and Ben then nodded simultaneously, overcompensating for the obvious words they weren't speaking. I desperately wanted to grill them, but I'm not sure there's a point. Nothing they say will make me feel better, probably only worse.

We stayed silent the rest of the walk, and while Ben retrieved his bike. I could tell he was stressed about the situation, afraid to be caught, but he managed to go undiscovered. So we left and continued our walk of silence until reaching the trees once more.

When we got back, I think we noticed them before they noticed us. And it didn't take me long to notice that they were talking, which finally pushed me over the edge.

Richie couldn't give me a sign using his fingers, but he can talk to Bill and Stan once I'm gone.

A small part of me was aware I was being ridiculous, but it was easily ignored as I sped up my steps and approached them quickly. They noticed me when I was about ten feet away, but they all deflated a bit when looking at me, so I assume I look pissed.

I walked up to them and dropped my bag into the middle of the triangle shape they've sat in. They looked confused until I crossed my arms and spoke up in a passive aggressive tone.

"Here are your supplies. Why don't you guys help him? You're probably more capable."

Now I feel ridiculous. My embarrassment almost wins over my anger, but it falls short to the blaze. I can't believe I'm acting out so much over such a dumb thing, but I just can't help but feel like I'm being pushed to the side.

I walked to a different tree and sat down on the side facing away from the group, immediately putting my head into my left hand. I'm losing my mind over a dumb fucking finger system. How sad can my life get?

I worked on calming myself down. By the time I was calm enough to feel my physical exhaustion, I heard footsteps nearing.

"Eds?"

I looked up and saw Richie, standing fine but bandaged in lots of places. I frowned on instinct as I hurried to my feet.

"Richie you need to rest. Why are you walking around? We have such a big day ahead of us tomorrow and I know you'll be sore, but you need to sleep now. The more sleep you get, the faster you'll heal and you really need that right now. I can only imagine the pain you're in and it won't get better unless you take it easy. You know that, you're just stubborn and want to be up and about, right? I wouldn't be surprised, that's such a Richie move-"

"Eddie, stop talking," Richie cut off my speech in a slightly loud voice, but his mouth was turned up slightly at the side. I suddenly realized how much I was rambling and felt my cheeks heat up, but I was also relieved that he doesn't seem to be annoyed. "I'm fine, I'll go to sleep in a minute. I want to talk to you first."

I felt my heart speed up slightly at that. Because I know I was ridiculous not even twenty minutes ago, and I don't want to discuss it. I don't want him to point it out or ask what was wrong or anything. I just want to forget about it forever and go to sleep. Then start our new life tomorrow.

"Don't look so scared, I'm not gonna analyze you," his teasing smirk was familiar enough to calm me down, and I suddenly realized how foreign this all felt. It wasn't until seeing something so familiar that I snapped out of it, but I'm now thinking about the peculiar vibe of the night.

I know Richie getting beaten wasn't new, but it was new to witness it, so that spurred on a series of events that just weren't normal. He was silent, which that in itself is way too foreign for my taste.

"Ok, what is it?" I finally replied, which encouraged him to continue.

"I realize what this must've felt like to you. And I realize that I didn't handle it well," he began talking quite seriously, and I started to protest, but he continued before I could. "I shouldn't have been so silent with you. I was just trying to process what happened, and by the time I had given up, you were already gone. And Bill started to talk, then Stan did and we kept talking. I wasn't choosing them over you, you know I'd never do that."

He was saying some sincere and kind stuff, but my mind was stuck on "by the time I had given up". So it took me too long to reply, which I could see was worrying him. He probably thinks I'm mad.

"What do you mean you gave up on trying to process it?" I decided to ask, knowing I won't be able to move on without an answer.

"I don't know," he sighed and shrugged, "I just couldn't process it. I know I'm in pain and injured, but it doesn't feel like it actually happened. It feels like a dream."

I looked at him in silence for another moment, then slowly decided to move on from it. I know it'll hit him at some point, and I'll be there for him when it does, but right now maybe it's better to let it feel like a distant memory.

"Richie, I was being ridiculous tonight. You don't need to apologize, I do. I was selfish and jealous for no reason." I scoffed at myself, shaking my head. "I seriously was hung up over the stupid finger system we made up. I expected you to use it, and when you didn't, my mind just ran with it. It was dumb."

"No, that's not dumb," he replied immediately, not even giving me any time to add in the actual apology. "I should've used it. It honestly just didn't cross my mind, nothing did. But next time I'll try my best to use it and to let you know I'm ok."

A new wave of emotion washed over me, which I'm going to peg as sleep deprivation. Even if I know it actually wasn't. But I was suddenly overcome with the intense realization that Richie cares deeply about me. I knew he did, in a way, but he never showed it much. But ever since we got together officially, he's been opening up more and showing a side of him that I didn't know he had. I'm not even sure he knew he had it.

"It's ok, Richie, I understand why you didn't. Sorry for being so childish." I tried to force a laugh out, but my throat felt tight. Swallowing didn't help, and it didn't take him long.

"Ah, that's my Eddie Spaghetti. Getting choked up for no reason." His smile was large, too large for the night he's had, but it made me smile back just as wide.

We rejoined the group shortly after, everyone agreeing to lay down and try to sleep. Most of us changed into sweatshirts, the air holding a chill, even in the summer heat. The contrast between my shorts and my sweatshirt was comfortable, which was a surprise.

Everyone laid down in a bundle, staying relatively close together. I think it was an unspoken agreement that the woods were creepy and we needed to stay close.

Richie gave me another small smile from the ground. His head was resting on his backpack, his eyes drooping a bit behind his cracked glasses. I noticed how one of them was already turning purple and almost frowned, but then my eye caught on his arms, where he held onto Derek tightly. So I smiled instead.

"Go to sleep," I ordered as I reached for his face, sliding his glasses off for him. He smiled again, his eyes now useless in the black night air, so he closed them.

"Yes, doctor," he spoke with a shit-eating grin. I rolled my eyes in response, and even though he couldn't see me, he must've suspected my reaction, because he chuckled gently.

I moved my own bag closer to his, then got into position to lay down. I put my hand on top of his in a futile attempt at physical closeness, but it was enough.

I was asleep almost as soon as my eyes were closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys uhh so  
Basically I'm discontinuing this story, which is why I uploaded all these chapters at once
> 
> I love this book. I love the ideas I came up with and everything, I loved where it was going, but I'm no longer in the st/it fandom and can no longer force myself to write this.
> 
> I had some awesome ideas coming and the ending was gonna be a cliffhanger, which you know I love, but I just can't do it. I hope you understand.
> 
> I'm going to be leaving the story up on my account. Which some people might find annoying since it's incomplete but it's the decision I've made.
> 
> If you'd all like me to make a chapter explaining the rest of the plot, let me know and I'll try my best. Or if you'd rather just leave it be, I'll leave it be. Not many people read this so I'm not too worried about backlash anyway.
> 
> I had fun with this book, it's one of my favorites I've ever written. I hope you enjoyed it for as long as it went on.
> 
> Much love always  
-Apple


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